LagosMet LagosTraffic Live Traffic Report from Twitter Users

Click here to see Live Ikeja Lagos Traffic (Real time Video)

Click here to see Live Lekki Lagos Traffic (Real time Video)

Traffic updates, situation reports, alternative route suggestions etc.

To share your traffic reports/updates with others you can:

1. Update your twitter status and add “#lagostraffic” to it e.g. (traffic on CMS – Costain is heavy, bus accident, try alternative route #lagostraffic). Note that twitter only allows 140 characters per tweet.
2. Update this page by adding comment
3. Follow Lagostraffic trend on Twitter

Warning!!! Please do not attempt to take your eyes off traffic while tweeting. Tweet/SMS only when traffic is at a standstill. Tweeting while driving is worse than drinking and driving. Safety first!

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Fashola Directs Stoppage Of Arrests For MOT Offences
• As LASG moves to halt faking of MOT Test Certificates
Gov. Fashola has directed that henceforth, no motorist in Lagos State should be arrested or contravened on account of the possession of inauthentic Ministry of Transport (MOT) Test Certificate.
Rather than arrest or contravention, the Governor directed that any motorist caught with such fake document should be issued a docket with a moratorium of 21 days within which to rectify the anomaly and obtain a genuine document.
Disclosing the directive Sunday at a Joint Press Briefing in conjunction with his Motor Vehicle Administration Agency counterpart, Mr. Akin Hansen, the Permanent Secretary, Ministry of Transportation, Mr. Oluseyi Coker, said the directive was aimed at nipping in the bud the circulation of fake MOT document in the State.
According to the Permanent Secretary, the Governor also directed that only motorists who breach clear traffic offences as specified in the Traffic Law and Highway Code could be arrested.
Coker further disclosed that through the activities of the Vehicle Inspection Unit of the Ministry of Transportation, it was recently discovered that fake MOT certificates are in circulation which predictably lack the security features on the authentic certificate.
He also revealed that certain centres whose operators failed to renew their licenses, have continued operating using touts that often use their Test Centres to issue MOT test certificates and documents such as Bank pay-slip and allied documents.
The Permanent Secretary reiterated that the State Government’s Law enforcement and Traffic Management Strategies and officers are not aimed at revenue generation but to make the roads safe and sane for the use and convenience of Law-abiding citizens.
Lamenting that most vehicle owners engage the services of third party to collect the certificate, Coker said the procedure for obtaining the MOT Test Certificate still remained that the vehicle owner should make a statutory payment at the Government approved bank- Sterling Bank- before the vehicle and the bank’s pay-slips are taken to any duly certified designated MOT Test Centre for the issuance of MOT Certificate after necessary inspection has been conducted on the vehicle.
He warned, “In view of the foregoing, Government is not liable for any transaction that does not follow the aforementioned due process”, adding that the directive of the Governor is part of the steps being taken by the State Government in its avowed determined to nip in the bud the nefarious activities of touts and bring to book anyone found guilty in this regard.
Other steps taken by the Government in this direction, the Permanent Secretary said, include the publishing of the list of duly certified and licensed MOT centres and the mobile phone numbers of Government officials to contact in cases of any anomalies concerning the MOT.
On the allegations of excesses by some LASTMA officials on the State’s highways, Coker stated, “For the avoidance of doubt, our law enforcement and Traffic Management Strategies and officers are not aimed at revenue generation but rather meant to make our roads safe and sane for the use and convenience of law-abiding citizens”.
“The acts of a few bad eggs in our traffic agencies should not be misconstrued as a reflection of the character of the hardworking men and women who are clearly in the majority”, the permanent Secretary said, directing members of the public who are harassed on account of non-original MOT document, to lodge their complaints by sending SMS to 08033056975, 08033239057 or 070249983.
Calling on all public officer in the State to “conscientiously carryout the new directive on the operation of MOT and motorists in the State “to make that extra effort to obtain genuine documents in every transaction”, Coker declared, “I will like to end this address with the oft-repeated call by His Excellency, the Governor of Lagos State, Mr. Babatunde Fashola (SAN) that traffic officers, LASTMA officials and, indeed, all public officials are in employment for only one reason – to provide service to all law-abiding citizens of Lagos State”.
In his contribution, the Senior Special Assistant to the Governor on Media, Mr. Hakeem Bello, urged the media, as the link between the Government and the people to endeavor at all times to carry out this noble duty by putting the right information in the public domain.
Also present at the occasion were the Director of Projects, Ministry of Transportation, Engineer Remi Thomas, a director in the Motor Vehicle Management Agency, Mr. M.A. Buraimoh, among other officials from both government establishments.

Loosen up!

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Sean Alsilski Gala Boy

Buy your Gala here!

You may or may not have heard or seen ‘Oyibo man’  hawking UAC food’s most popular brand, Gala beef roll. It’s a popular snack on major roads in Lagos and demand is highest during the rush-hour and heavy traffic. Gala has been around for many years and has enjoyed monopoly (many others have come and gone) even in the face of adulteration (or better still, piracy). Gala now sells for 50 naira per roll. You can see why Sean has combat pants to keep his plenty denominations of the Naira so that he can equally provide “change” to buyers who are in no time to hit the next car bumper to bumper, if you don’t have change, you don’t sell. If you don’t have the energy, others outsell you. You must be able to navigate in between different types of cars and ‘learners’ and also evade your worst enemy – the okada. Watch out for KAI or Task Force men, you know where to keep your phone if you have one. Lastly, you need all your sense organs – ears (to sense people beckoning), eyes (to read gestures) and even nose (to smell danger) – and your skin, as tough as the alligators as you need to be strong in times of rain, cold and scorching sun. Not to mention, you must learn to flash the “fresh and soft” gala in the face of pupils in the back seat. If you are thinking of starting a gala-hawking business, please think twice, it’s not that easy! And of course, you must know where, where not and when not to hawk: (http://lagosmet.com/blog/category/laws-of-lagos-state)

Gala beef roll

Here’s the story from PM News:

American Hawks Gala In Lagos An American, Mr. Sean Alsilski, was seen hawking gala sausage rolls yesterday, at the Ojota area of Lagos state. He easily drew a large crowd as Lagosians laughed and wondered what could have made him to hawk gala in Lagos, and on a sunny day too. But Alsilski, unperturbed by the people watching and giggling at him, continued to sell his stuff to motorists and passersby who were eager to buy from him, some just for the fun of it. He rebuffed people trying to ask him why he was out in the streets selling gala, saying he was too busy to talk to anyone. After much prompting by this reporter, he opened up on why he was out selling gala on Lagos streets. Alsilski said he came to Lagos to carry out a six-month research project on hawking and street trading in Lagos, and the best way to get the answers that he wants was to get involved in the real business rather than be an observer. He said he had already spent five months in Lagos, hawking gala at different parts of the state. “I am here to do a research on hawking and street trading. I was billed to be in Nigeria for six months as part of the Fullbright exchange programme. “I have been here for five months now, hawking. I have one month to go. I am going to give a presentation to the United States Embassy about my research,” said Alsilski. Born in the city of New York, the United States, Alsilski lamented that from what he has observed, government was harsh on hawkers and street traders. “Hawkers here are under stress right now from the government and I am studying what the government is doing right now. We can make some recommendations. “Government is harsh on them. Some of them have had their goods taken away. I am not sure that is the best way to go about it. “In some cities, hawkers and traders are given licenses and allowed to go to certain areas to hawk. But hawkers should not be allowed to hawk in places like Oshodi,” he stated. Alsilski’s hawking business has taken him to Yaba, Ojuelegba, Mushin, Ojota, Mile 2, Apapa, Lagos Island and Agege.

Source: PMNEWS (http://thepmnews.com/2009/06/16/american-hawks-gala-in-lagos)

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Oshodi Lasgidi Driving, no bumper 2 bumper

25 RULES OF ENGAGEMENT, Lagos Driving 101

1. When in doubt, accelerate!

2. Be prepared to ram anything stoping you wearing uniform in Lagos (police, traffic warden,FRSC, Kai brigade, fire brigade, VIO, lastma, lamata, laswa, even lawma sef)

3. If you get caught by any chance, DO NOT allow them to enter your car, if they happen to get in DO NOT drive from that spot (vere off traffic & settle 5hun), and if they don’t agree, form calling your uncle who is in the army (believe me it always works), never follow them to ANY sort of office except you wanna pay X10

4. Never give police or VIO your original particulars (whether expired or up to date)

5. Danfo drivers believe they are immortal. NEVER yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise.

6. Okada riders have a pact with suicide, avoid them like a plaque

7. Avoid BRT buses in all ramifications, they have NO brakes

8. Taxi cabs (oko asewo) should always have the right of way, all of them have been driving in Lagos for 25yrs.

9. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.

10. The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it. Survival of the fittest you may say!

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos, potholes (and sometimes car-holes) are put in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and shock absorbers,( I saw one man fishing in one of the potholes last week).

12. There is no such thing as “one-way”in Lagos. Expect traffic from any direction at all times. The okada riders are the experts in this area.

13. Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork, except you want to spend ur whole saturday @ the panel beater’s place.

14. Morning rush-hours are equivalent to Lagos grand prix (who gets to the junction first)

15. There is no such thing as a short-cut during rush-hour traffic in Lagos. Everybody might be inclined to take that ’short-cut’.

16. When asking for directions, always ask at least 3 people. Lagosians ALWAYS claim to know every inch of the city – even areas they’ve never been to.

17. Use extreme caution when pulling into service lanes. Service lanes are not for breaking down the traffic, but for speeding, especially during rush hour.

18. Never use directional signals, since they only confound and distract other Lagos drivers, who are not used to them.

19. Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals. Lagos drivers, unused to such courtesies, will think you are making obscene gestures to them. This could be very bad for you in Lagos.

20. Hazard lights (popularly called “double pointer”) is not, (as commonly supposed) used to indicate a hazard. It is a warning to you that he is a bonafide Lagos driver, he’s headed ’straight’ and as such, will not stop under any circumstance. Take him extremely seriously especially if he backs it up with a continuous blast from his “horn”.

21. At any given time, do not stand on the zebra crossing expecting traffic to yield to you, or else you will have to explain to the on coming traffic whether you look like a zebra.

22. Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty.

23. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.

24. In Las Gidi every spot is a potential bus stop. FRSC and LASTMA know that too. It is in their constitution.

25. Above all, keep moving. Even with a flat tire!!!

HORNING IN LAGOS

- ‘Horn’ when someone executes a dangerous manoeuvre.

- ‘Horn’ when you’re about to move off.

- ‘Horn’ when you’re about to overtake.

- ‘Horn’ when someone is about to overtake you.

- ‘Horn’ when turning into a road.

- ‘Horn’ when emerging from a road.

- ‘Horn’ back when someone horns at you. It’s considered good etiquette.

- ‘Horn’ when you hear a chorus of horns. Don’t worry if you don’t know what all the ‘horning’ is about.

- ‘Horn’ when you’re happy.

- ‘Horn’ to the beat when you’re playing music in your car.

Good luck, as you expeditiously navigate through Lagos and hustle and bustle!

Source: Mayowa Owoeye (facebook notes)

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Floods return, Victoria Island is partially submerged in Rain water. Ajah, Onipanu, Palmgrove, Ketu, Orile and Apapa are sure to be floating boats right now.

Don’t get caught, you don’t wanna be pushing a dead car through the heavy flood with your pants raised up and the rain pouring on you. Or do you?

If you can’t stand traffic, get a flying car, if you can’t stand flood, get a flying boat or stay at home (or go back to your village). Thank you.

Car or Submarine?

Aquatic cars top shopping (wish) list

Take the BRT Man...

If you can't get an aquatic or a flying car, attach to a high one, Clearance is key!

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Lagos V.I. Ikoyi Lekki Live Traffic on Google Map

Probably the single most useful site to a Lagosian, this website grabs real time traffic statistics via mobile, GPS, MMS and web technologies around V.I, Ikoyi and Lekki showing levels of traffic speed from Free, slow, very slow and highlighted in Green, Orange and Red colours with matching pictures and snapshots. Interestingly, they are offering subscription services by SMS or email (I guess you only pay for the sms, updates are free, at least for now). This should save you some man hours to play around with and give you confidence in arranging and meeting up with appointments and meetings.

Lagos: Save hours with Live Road traffic updates on Google Maps with real-time pictures – LagosMet.com

You don’t know how happy I am, but this is a sign of good things to come. Since the IP surveillance camera project by Swift Broadband, only coded people have the IP addresses of the cameras, hopefully after the state-wide WiMAX deployment, we can have access to live traffic reports (definitely not free).

Click on the red pegs to view snapshots, already the colours should direct you: the greener the freer, if it says red, don’t go there. The project is in beta version though, hopefully and prayerfully they will complete it and make us all happy, you feel me? Let’s go there: http://traffic.enownow.com/

Enownow.com, we thank una o.

Eko o ni baje!

Lagos V.I. Ikoyi Lekki Live Traffic on Google Map

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Victoria Island, Ikoyi stands still this evening, May 18 2009

It’s been 3 hours and she’s trying to hit Awolowo Road, Ikoyi from Karimu Kotun, a journey of 3 minutes now takes 4 hours. Fact is the whole Island has cars with engines practically switched off. Pedestrians are trekking a marathon trying to reach Racecourse to catch BRT Buses as bikes and taxis (oko asewo) are somewhere stuck in self-inflicted gridlock. Traffic is heavy and dense, sleeping in the office is much more productive right now. Awolowo Road (towards Falomo) and Falomo Bridge (Osbourne to V.I.) is dead – a no go area right now. Hopefully, Festac and Iyana Ipaja people can make it home before 11:00pm.

The cause? Prolly some trailer broke down at Bonny Camp again, obviously 2 lanes are dead somewhere somehow.

I’m looking out the window and this dude has his head on his steering and I’m dead sure he’s snoring. It’s a hopeless night guys, and if you are driving manual with no A/C and no fuel (there’s scarcity of fuel as well, all join) you know it’s one of those nights again. Sorry. E go better.

I’m listening to Style na Style by 9ice and Darey (on repeat). Don’t hate, this is lasgidi where timing is everything.

UPDATE: 9:00pm, V.I. is clear now, like everyone pressed their flight gears, delete or they just disappeared, but not to raise your hopes, Third Mainland Bridge (3MB) is a dead end. Ironically, many people have stayed back and are not convinced the road is “motorable” right now and they’ll all hit the road by 10:00pm, traffic round 2. I’ll be there then.

UPDATE: 9:40pm, I understand 3rd Mainland Bridge is free. Let’s hope its true, I’m sticking my head out, 10:00pm, I fly.

CASE CLOSED: 10:45 pm, got home safely, light traffic, stopped by the Police, they asked for “particulars” then suddenly changed ringtone when it became obvious I was prepared for their antics, “Oga wetin we go take do Monday night?” If you know what I mean…

Don’t expect a “LASTMA” report on whatever caused this traffic that’s cost us millions of man-hours, this is Lasgidi, not Las Vegas. Na nyte.

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Is this wheel barrow worth 150k?

Lagos Island traffic fines (Min: 50,000 naira – Max: 150,000 naira – plus imprisonment) I tried so hard not to post this on All Fool’s Day, I guess the day’s almost over now, but post I must, and I have. Here’s Part I. Part 2 should be out tomorrow, and on Friday, Part 3. I’m too lazy to type, sorry, I have to seek the help of friends. They aren’t really “new” anyway, I guess the publication was only to sanitize the public who find themselves in Lagos Island, but of course, as you and I know, someone must “chop” and someone must “drop suntin”. Take am!

PUBLIC ATTENTION: LAGOS LAW AND ORDER

In the initiative to re-enforce Law and Order around the Lagos Central Business District, the Lagos State Government hereby draws the attention of the general public to the following PUBLIC DISORDER OFFENCES, contained in the CONTROL OF TRAFFIC (SPECIAL PROVISIONS) EDICT 1978 which by virtue of Section 315 of the 1999 constitution is now a Law of the Lagos State House of Assembly and the ROAD TRAFFIC LAW 2003 LAWS OF LAGOS STATE and the sanctions that maybe imposed upon conviction:

1 PROHIBITION OF PARKING ALONG LAGOS CENTRAL BUSINESS DISTRICT

No vehicle is allowed to park or pick passengers along the following highways within the Lagos Central Business District:

1 Outer and Inner Marina

2 Broad Street

3 Balogun Street

4 Martins Street

5 Nnamdi Azikiwe Street

6 Eko Bridge

7 Carter Bridge

8 Apongbon Street

9 Idumagbo Avenue

10 Campbell Street

11 Breadfruit Street

12 Tinubu Street

13 Abibu Oki Street

14 Oke Olowogbowo Street

15 Davis Street

16 Adeniji Adele Street

17 Church Street

18 Docemo Street

19 Odunlami Street

20 Iga Idunganran Street

21 Ereko Street

22 Kakawa Street

23 Campos Street

24 Bamgbose Street

25 Alli Balogun Street

26 Ehingbeti (Marina Foreshore)

27 Ebute Ero

28 Force Road

29 King George Road

30 All Flyovers in Lagos Island

www.LagosMet.Com

Any Person who fails to comply with the provisions of this Law would have his vehicle impounded by the authorized persons and shall be liable upon conviction to a fine and or term of imprisonment.

2 Abandoned vehicles

If you are the owner of a vehicle left on the highway within the Lagos central Business District for an unreasonable long period of time, you are to pay the following as cost of towing

Type of Vehicle                               Amount Payable

1 Articulated vehicles                  N 150,000.00

2 Empty trailers and Tanker          N 100,000.00

3 Lorries and Tippers                   N 50,000.00

4 High Capacity Buses                 N 50,000.00

5 Mini Buses, Jeeps and Cars        N 50,000.00

In addition, for abandoning the vehicle, the owner will be liable to fine of N 50,000.00 or (70,000.00 for commercial vehicle) or 3months imprisonment.

Persons convicted of any of the offences maybe ordered to render community service under the provisions of the Law.

Joke (reality) of the day: This toon right here (got this off facebook)

The world's worst job?

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The Police is your friend

FRSC (Road Safety), VIU (MOT), Customs, LASTMA, Lagos KAI and Nigeria Police

LagosMet Rainy Season: My do’s and don’ts for motorists and passengers – How to survive the rainy season.

If you do not have Certificate of Roadworthiness (not M.O.T.) quickly get yours from the authorised source ASAP, that’s to start with. Another issue that’s likely to cause confusion and ultimately, extortion is the issue of Tax Clearance Certificate for tax payers. Have you been told that your vehicle particulars, license, number plates or even your car itself are illegal? Have you seen the “men of the force” break or tear these before your very eyes? Have you been “stopped and searched” by the “authorities” only to find bullets or marijuana in your car without knowing how they got in there? Have you ever bribed a policeman? Have you ever been threatened with an “official” weapon or with “detention”? Have you been physically assaulted? Have you escaped LASTMA by whiskers? Do you feel your heart pop out of your chest when you sight the FRSC? Did you fill your vehicle forms by yourself or did you “runs” it? Have you ever unknowingly ventured into the opposite direction of a “one-way” road? Did you get away with it during the day?

Warning!!!: Always go out with photocopies of your documents (except for the driver’s license) and ensure you have at least 500 naira in your safe.

This is one never ending topic – I can’t even compile all in one month. I’ll take a little at a time, and then like Nollywood, I’ll give you part 1, part 2… Firstly, I’ll start with what you probably know. Before you go with me, please see Traffic Offences and Fines in Lagos State

A punch reporter writes:

“It is always difficult to complete the payment process in one day, even if the arrest/booking was made in the morning. By implication, the impounded vehicle will pass the night in the custody of the VIOs. And that means paying extra for demurrage. But having an MOT certificate may not be enough to be out of the VIOs’ trouble as some of the documents are adjudged to be fake.Having a fake MOT is as bad as not having any at all.”

Police documents (I mean what they need to see when they stop you)
1. Vehicle Particulars gummed to your Windscreen
2. Driver’s license
3. 3rd Party Insurance
4. Occasionally, P.of.O. (proof of ownership) – here they may question you on your relationship with the owner if the car is not yours.
5. Seat Belt (you’ll be shocked)
6. Stop and search (the law is – you should search a policeman thoroughly before allowing him to search your vehicle. Several people ended up behind bars for refusing to bribe the police. By right, a policeman can search you if there is a warrant for a missing laptop (e.g.) with the serial number matching yours. You must search a police officer before allowing him to search you, if you don’t want to end up on crime fighters.
7. Crash Helmet
8. Wetin you carry (in your trunk). Always ensure all glasses are up before going to the trunk of your car, they can easily throw stuff in it.

LASTMA
1. Driver’s license
2. Central Unlock (I’m not joking, they are ever ready to jump in if you let your guards down)
3. Your key (if you are really dumb)
4. Other police documents including certificate of roadworthiness (if you don’t know your right)
5. Seat Belt (very very important)
6. Baby in front seat (serious trouble)

Generally, LASTMA attempts to do FRSC duties as the former is tied to internal routes while the latter should only man federal roads. This implies that LASTMA can charge you for receiving calls without using headset, while driving.

FRSC and maybe, VIO/VIU
1. Driver’s license
2. General Vehicle Registration info
3. Fire extinguisher
4. Jack, Wheel Spanner, C-Caution, trafficators, inner lights, all the lights, horn, wipers, tyres …
5. Original number plates
6. Baby in front seat (very serious trouble)

So much to mention… I’ll update this with time, you can bookmark this page (safe).

Now back to the issue of TCC. If you pay tax, get your Tax Clearance Card, it’s likely to become the next pot-hole for unsuspecting motorists. We know our law enforcement (or law breaking) agents love making money out of “Government orders” like limit on old imported cars, right hand driving, the old odd number – even number plate driving days e.t.c. Now I’ll give a brief report on my people.

1. The Police: You almost cannot avoid them, even on Sunday Morning, and on their day, you can never be right. Here, Tokunbo captures the yellow fever as they attempt to stop a real Lagosian. Here again, a policeman is sentenced to death for killing a civilian over 20 naira bribe. While some are villains, a few are heroes who stand up to defend the civilians whose funds were used to purchase the guns they carry about, in order to protect us. I’ve met a few true policemen, seriously. Depending on how you handle a policeman, he is potentially your friend. Know when to smile and when to bone. Remember, you can get out of ANY police situation if you know how to ‘relate’, without paying a dime even if you are driving a big car. I’ve done it a few times (but I sent recharge cards afterwards o!). For RRS, please cooperate with orders, for ARS please, I beg of you please please please, be extremely cooperative and observant. I guess they have the license to kill. If you have links to lawyers or military men, you are 50% above the law. If you have links within the police, hmm some 80%, if DPO and above, 99%, if Commissioner or IG, 100% FREE!

LASTMA ready to tow

2. LASTMA: Hmm, I’ve made a few friends with these guys, highest i’ve paid – 1,000 naira. A few times, I got away. If you’ve got some military (Army, Navy, Air Force) or even Combatant MOPOL sticker, you are 99% above the law. If you leave home before 6:00am and leave your office after 7:30pm, you most likely won’t encounter any of the law enforcement agents (except of course, our friends – the Police). On Awolowo Road, they come with the police to move all vehicles parked on the sides and you pay at least 15,000 naira to get your car back. Woe betide those without military stickers (by now you can see that this is more important than all your documents put together). Now you are thinking these guys are not dangerous cos they aren’t armed? You are totally wrong! Here LASTMA officials killed a passenger with an umbrella.  Elsewhere, a LASTMA official stands trial for collecting 10,000 naira from a car owner, see yawa. Lastma sacks 24 (http://thepmnews.com/2009/01/28/lastma-sacks-24)More?

See Contact details of Top LASTMA, LAMATA, Drainage e.t.c. officers and executives.

FRSC on fire

3. FRSC: These guys don’t listen to shite. They move you (tow, fly, pull, drag) to their office where you pay and get your receipt so you can put it in a frame and display it in your living room! These guys could be ruthless though, two Sundays ago, I saw an ugly scene at Ilupeju Bypass where an FRSC official brought out a brand new special (maybe official) axe and attempted to axe a motorist who was pleading with him, everyone around took to their heels, I was about slowing down, but man, i thought of my mother (mama dey for house like Fela said) and stepped on it.

Here, Tayo Odukoya pictures the FRSC living what they preach. An FRSC car goes up in flames with no fire extinguisher (Ironic, isn’t it?).

4. Others KAI, VIU e.t.c they come up everyday. Some factions wear purple, some lemon green and green, some yellow, red, pink, some have 24-bit colours! like the ones on Ligali Ayorinde Street who report to their Oga at the Local Government Secretariat and arrest you for slow driving or looking out of your window or illegal “trafficating” or stopping. As for inter-state routes, the Customs are all out looking for Cotonou-imported cars, impounding them and charging as high as 250,000 naira for fake customs papers. More on that later.

All these haven’t gone unnoticed as Gov. Fashola declares war on such indiscipline and threatens to sanction such corrupt people.

Acronyms (in zig-zag “order”)

RRS – Rapid Response Squad

ARS – Anti-Response Squad

MOT – Ministry of Transportation Certificate

MOPOL – Mobile Police

FRSC – Federal Road Safety Corporation (no mercy)

Police – NPF or Olopa (our best friends – seriously)

Traffic Warden - Yellow Fever (Red top or light green reflectors on Police Uniform, usually more peaceful and more useful unless flanked by the Police or LASTMA or both)

VIO – Vehicle Inspection Officer

VIU – Vehicle Inspection Unit (Yellow with diagonal black stripes)

KAI – Kick Against Indiscipline

LASTMA – Lagos State Traffic Management Authority

P of O - Proof of Ownership

Traffic – Means real go slow!

To be continued…

Joor oh! Mi o le fi ARS ta eyin o! (Please, I don’t joke with the Anti-Robbery Squad)

Joke of the day: WarriTV reports on the Niger Delta Crisis (wafi pidgin, youtube)

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Awolowo - Falomo Bridge

Lagos has been at a standstill all day and heavy traffic starting from Bonny camp has spread to Ojodu Berger and beyond. People spent an average of 4:30 hours from the mainland to the Island. If you have any plan to visit Victoria Island today, the best thing to do is to cancel it. I feel sorry for people who are stuck in that traffic with Manual gears and without A/C or with 10 litres of fuel. Believe me, you don’t want to be caught in that traffic by sunset when armed robbers and mobile phone agents are likely to take undue advantage of the unfortunate incidence.

Why the gridlock? A dead container trailer blocked the road to Bonny camp completely, such that even Okadas cannot squeeze into the tiny space leaving the whole of Lagos no other choice than to go through Falomo bridge, the second of three land ways to get into V.I. (The third option is the Ikorodu-Epe expressway). As a result, traffic from the third mainland bridge and Western Avenue all explore means to get to Falomo bridge either through Awolowo Road or Osbourne/Kingsway.

Zoom in on Awolowo Road

I don’t even want to think about the amount of man-hours or fuel burnt in traffic, I just know the State Government will come up with a law limiting trailers henceforth. For the sake of one man, Lagos suffered terribly on a Friday. Thank God it’s Friday!

Going home? Well, I’ll let you know how it is, that’s if people have not explored the unlawful one-way option, thereby blocking all incoming routes. As for me, I’m not leaving the Island until 9:45pm, or better still 11:00pm. Don’t wait for me though, cos I can as well crash somewhere on the Island… or in the car.

Enjoy your weekend.

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