Victoria Island, Ikoyi stands still this evening, May 18 2009

It’s been 3 hours and she’s trying to hit Awolowo Road, Ikoyi from Karimu Kotun, a journey of 3 minutes now takes 4 hours. Fact is the whole Island has cars with engines practically switched off. Pedestrians are trekking a marathon trying to reach Racecourse to catch BRT Buses as bikes and taxis (oko asewo) are somewhere stuck in self-inflicted gridlock. Traffic is heavy and dense, sleeping in the office is much more productive right now. Awolowo Road (towards Falomo) and Falomo Bridge (Osbourne to V.I.) is dead – a no go area right now. Hopefully, Festac and Iyana Ipaja people can make it home before 11:00pm.

The cause? Prolly some trailer broke down at Bonny Camp again, obviously 2 lanes are dead somewhere somehow.

I’m looking out the window and this dude has his head on his steering and I’m dead sure he’s snoring. It’s a hopeless night guys, and if you are driving manual with no A/C and no fuel (there’s scarcity of fuel as well, all join) you know it’s one of those nights again. Sorry. E go better.

I’m listening to Style na Style by 9ice and Darey (on repeat). Don’t hate, this is lasgidi where timing is everything.

UPDATE: 9:00pm, V.I. is clear now, like everyone pressed their flight gears, delete or they just disappeared, but not to raise your hopes, Third Mainland Bridge (3MB) is a dead end. Ironically, many people have stayed back and are not convinced the road is “motorable” right now and they’ll all hit the road by 10:00pm, traffic round 2. I’ll be there then.

UPDATE: 9:40pm, I understand 3rd Mainland Bridge is free. Let’s hope its true, I’m sticking my head out, 10:00pm, I fly.

CASE CLOSED: 10:45 pm, got home safely, light traffic, stopped by the Police, they asked for “particulars” then suddenly changed ringtone when it became obvious I was prepared for their antics, “Oga wetin we go take do Monday night?” If you know what I mean…

Don’t expect a “LASTMA” report on whatever caused this traffic that’s cost us millions of man-hours, this is Lasgidi, not Las Vegas. Na nyte.

Daylight Bank Robberies are now the order of the day as Niger Delta boys step up from kidnapping and demanding ransome to actually tapping from the source of the ransoms. Banks within and outside Lagos now open in fear as these ruthless guys come in armed and trigger happy. You may find the following pictures disgusting as they contain very violent scenes and blood. View at your discretion.

The bullet holes, violence, the blood splatter, the destruction and the psychological trauma of all who witnessed this. God help us. Name of bank and branch witheld.

Here The Punch has a January Bank Robbery report

Lagos: Nigeria Labour Congress on Wednesday, 13th of May, 2009 organised a peaceful rally and walked 20 kilometres from Ikorodu Road through Mobolaji Bank Anthony to the State Secretariat, Alausa, Ikeja. About 3,000 protesters showed up with policemen forming a ring around them. There was no riot or violence of any kind and placards conveyed the yearnings of the masses. The Labour and Civil Society Coalition (LASCO) as well as the Trade Union Congress (TUC) were actively involved in the rally. According to this Yahoo! report, Abdulwaheed Omar, head of the NLC openly condemned the government of President Umaru Yar’Adua claiming it has no future for Nigerians. Two issues were raised.

1. Encourage the government to implement the electoral reforms (without permitting any amendment to it) and also raise the current minimum wage (which has been the same 7,500 naira for 10 years) to N52,200 (fifty-two thousand two hundred naira only).

“Esele said: Our problem in Nigeria is that we are not allowed to choose who should lead us. Today, because of electoral flaws in the reforms Act, whoever is “picked” to rule is loyal to his godfather and not the masses”

2. Discourage deregulation of petroleum products; contrary to the government’s belief that it is the only solution to the fuel crisis.

I remember the government has always supported deregulation to the anger of the NLC for as long as I can remember. They are saying deregulation will free us from the “Cartel” but the NLC think this is not true. It’s a tough war and a battle of interests. Deregulation will give the marketers the freedom to alter fuel pump prices as the government withdraws subsidies (to which the FG is owing over $1 billion to these “importers”). You and I know that majority of the oil marketers are greedy people, and given a blank cheque with which they can milk the masses dry, you will expect to buy fuel for N200 per litre before the end of the year, and don’t ask me if there will be competition, they also have a body and are out to make as much profit as politicians. I go with the NLC on that.

Instead of giving them a blank cheque to deal with the masses, they should rather focus on building or reviving our refineries. We do not need to import fuel for any reason, being one of the giants in OPEC. Why should a major oil producing country ship crude oil out and then buy the same again at a much much higher rate? It’s a plain old business reality. It is much better to own your infrastructure than to rent from a competitor. You can’t keep renting chairs for your school on a daily basis when you can actually buy chairs for life. If buying a chair costs 2,000 naira and renting one costs 100 naira, in just 20 days you would have paid the competitor 2,000 naira! It is plain to see that the competitor would never pray for you to think out of the box, unless of course there is a “Cartel” – and in our case, there is. Someone out there is benefiting in a big way from every litre of fuel that leaves or gets into the country.

Whatever the case, they need to rebrand our refineries before rebranding Nigeria because you cannot fool us with rebrand Nigeria when you have failed to provide our basic needs including power and fuel. You can’t keep cutting the branches when you can uproot the damn tree. Don’t ever send me such text messages until there’s a lil bit of sanity up there. I don’t need to be rebranded until you make efforts to rebrand the foundation. Its good they claim that Kaduna refinery is on the verge of complete turnaround, Warri Petrochemical company is back and better with 200 trucks of PMS loaded daily (remember only 18 were loading in Lagos as at last week) and that Port Harcourt refinery is doing well again. We need to see the impact at filling stations, the interface between the lengthy hierarchy and the masses.

Fuel Scarcity & Dollar exchange rate Update:

‘Nuff said. Fuel scarcity depends on areas. Some filling stations have a constant supply of fuel and are honest, some are not. It is no news that it is an offence to buy fuel in jerry cans (it is an offence to sell fuel to people in kegs), its equally an offence to buy fuel from black marketers, but in the last 4 weeks this has been the case. As the dollar now sells for 181 naira (official black market rate), 20 naira short of the highest all-time high, it is the black market guys who are having fun. Please read:

What happens in our filling stations nowadays.

http://lagosmet.com/blog/2009/05/nnpc-to-neutralize-fuel-scarcity-tomorrow-wed-6th-may-lagos/

Now inflation has every justifiable reason to exist. Markets are being scrapped in order to make Lagos beautiful, dollar don cost, fuel no dey. Tiny oranges now sell for 20 naira each, the bigger ones, 40 naira straight; imported apples, between 70 and 100 naira; Plantain, ah, please don’t go there; Yam, are you kidding me, Hello, are you in Lagos or Kwara? If you are a farmer living outside Lagos, my best advice for you is to load a truck and find your way here, the market is hungry, believe me, call me and i’ll buy. he he he (419’s beware).

Rain rain rain & Comedy

It’s raining again, BRT buses from Ojota to CMS, 150 Naira, LagBus with A/C, 200 naira only. Park your car at home and hit the BRT with your umbrella, I don’t know if you need A/C when it’s pouring heavily but the queues are shorter. Whether you drive or not, please read My tips for surviving the rainy season. The best selling non-white collar job in Lagos right now is comedy. Stand-up comedians and OAP’s (on air personalities) are swimming in millions – making more money than artistes, ‘high-class’ society sluts, gigolos and nollywood actors. It is commonplace for comedians to charge 500,000 naira per show (not so common though) and the good thing is that they get so many shows, an average of 5 per week. Do the math. As Nigerian football reaches an all-time pitiable condition, parents are now sending their wards to school of comedy, buying all the comedy series and begging other people to laugh when their wards crack jokes. Man gast to chop, dollar don cost.

And to think that Mohit Records (Dbanj’s) Suddenly and Close to you videos have been banned along with Tuface’s Enter the place and Kelly Handsome’s Maga don pay on radio. The last time Kerewa of Zule Zoo and Bang bang bang by Femi Kuti were banned, they sold like fire and won awards. Let’s see how they catapult these tracks already in high-demand into further glory. Rebranding Hypocrisy.

Bank Robberies on the rise.

Ah terrible news, I’ll post the pictures in my next topic, but brothers and sisters, bank robbers are now as plentiful as pick-pockets. It’s recession time and robbers are no longer wasting time having to force people to part with mobile phones and cars which they still have to resell, leaving that for the newing generation. They now go straight to the source. They can’t go to Nigerian Printing and Minting or the CBN, their best bet, the Retail banks.

LagosMet verdict: as the fuel scarcity situation fluctuates, some good days and more bad ones, we are still surviving. As the INEC plays into the hands of the government (who pays the piper, who dictates the tunes?) we are still surviving oh, my bros. As minimum wage remains N7,500 and an average House of Rep member goes home with an ‘official’ N172m (in case you thought it was a slip of keyboard, Over One hundred and seventy MILLION naira – not kobo) annually, my sister we still dey manage. Dollar cost, fuel cost, no job, market dry, food cost, dem thief my phone, dem rob me for bank, we still dey.

16 million people and counting, Lasgidi babe, we celebrate life – suffering and smiling.

Good day. The week ends tomorrow, remember Wednesday, May 27th – Children’s day, and Friday May 29th is Democracy day (public holiday). June 12 is another public holiday close by.

For the parents, I leave you with this video, a 2-year old girl with a big IQ (don’t blame those kids cos you gave them excess of Garri, Fufu and Pap).

It’s been a week already and NNPC has publicly declared that Filling Stations will ’smile no more’ come Thursday. Before you begin jumping up, News around is that the number of trucks loading fuel in Lagos has reduced from 180 to just 20. NNPC had better be telling me the truth. Methink they’ve just postponed another week of suffering and we can only suffer, smile and say thank you (more like UP – NEPA! - ring a bell?). Fuel scarcity is the Holy Grail of most Gas stations, they fast, pray, hope, believe and long for it, if they don’t get it, they create it. They need catalysts or some little assistance in the form of rumours at least and capitalize on it, the resulting mixture was what you saw some weeks ago. Honestly, I got tired of capturing those ugly scenes (not because they almost attacked me and nearly beat the building manager up, I’m not making this up, they brandished AK’s but for the defiance of the building manager) and black marketers lining up the roads with red, yellow, green and pink coloured fake, original or lukewarm petrol. I still did not buy from them anyway. I got full tank on Friday morning, at 70 naira per litre on the mainland and still have about half tank left in there.

With the current Rebrand Nigeria (a topic I’ve been avoiding since inception) adverts and announcements all over the radio, papers and everywhere, it was a perfect time to test the faith of Nigerians, Lagosians to start with. Like the advert said, insist on first-come first-served, join the queue bla bla bla (is it easier said than done). Check out the people shunting the queues, forcefully, with sirens, uniform, koboko, bulala and AK’s (I no dey point fingers) – they probably need no re-branding like we do. Dora, are you reading?

This is what happens at filling stations now. The gates are closed and only one “fine-tuned” Machine works. This Pump has been badly programmed to cheat you, giving you about 7 litres instead of 10, but that’s no rip-off compared to Item number 7. Now to get into the gates (of course from the entry point, you pay the Agbero fee, about N100, then the gate fee, N50, to get in through the EXIT point, you pay N2,000 flat so you’re worth 20 stingy cars – all rebranding Nigeria). You then wait your turn as only one machine sells to hundreds of angry, impatient and unfriendly people. 3 dedicated people sell to you. 1 holds the nozzle, another determines whether you sell to cars, okadas, jerry cans or the powerful ones who come in through the exit, the last one holds the calculator and collects the money for the transaction. Okay, before the attendant fills your hungry tank, you pay N200 (sometimes N200 per N1000 sale) then they sell to you between N70 and N120 per litre. You look at the meter, not at the price because the calculator guy will tell you how much you are to pay as the machine might still be reading N65 per litre. You pay and deal is done. They are so honest they won’t ask you for tips, you drive out angrily cursing your luck, the government, the marketers and anyone who crosses your mind at that time, but when you get to the tail end of the queue and see black marketers doing a harder rip off, selling 20 litres at 5,000 naira, then you realise you didn’t lose much. Then you run into traffic in broad day light, it’s full tank so you decide to feel some A/C then you get home and read the papers and read about Ekiti Politics and ReBrand Nigeria. You shake your head and smile (in suffering), start your generator and think about tomorrow. Lasgidi babe.

If by 7th of May, 2009 queues are still this long, I’ll tell you what probably came up. But until then, I’ll be discussing -

Ebenezer Ajayi, killed by men of the force for wearing Camo and dumped at Area G, then Pen Cinema. http://thenationallife.com/2009/04/19/killed-by-soldiers/

Lagos Agents, house rents, land lease and property development scams.

The task force, clearing of Oshodi, Yaba and other major markets and progress report.

The Crash Helmet (better known as Element) and Lagos Okadas.

Lagos and the swine flu scare.

Meanwhile I’m presently reading the Ebola Monkey Man’s 419 archive http://www.ebolamonkeyman.com/fanpage.htm, much similar to that of 419eater.com and 419baiter.com join me.

It’s 5:00pm, Arsenal Versus Man-U coming up soon but before then, you must fight through traffic. Wish you all the best.

I’ve been kinda rusty these days, looking for news on the fuel scarcity situation, and hoping today would be a brighter day. Hopefully there shouldn’t be traffic till 4:00pm when millions would be headed to the Redemption camp (first friday of the month). Being a public holiday, you can be sure as death that many who have missed all of this year’s editions will try to make up for it today. It’s a funny situation, a funny day, sorry a great day.

1. It’s a Friday – (club boys, spend the whole day queuing for fuel, otherwise, your ass is grounded, no parole, lasgidi babe!)

2. It’s a public holiday (May 1st 2009 is worker’s day – day for the gallerias, start early, join the BRT)

3. Fuel scarcity day 4 (Black marketers, keep on cleaning out, rebrand, No! re-elect, No! refuel Nigeria)

4. Monthly RCCG (Redeemed Christian Church of God) vigil @ the Redemption Camp (if your parish got a bus then join the queue)

Whooooh! I guess you are on your own, I have a little below half tank and I’m burning all today… of course, no A/C, no overspeeding, no traffic (i hope,sorry, I pray!) .

For those who work, happy worker’s day, for students, wish you success in your exams, for the unemployed, it’s just another day getting you closer to your breakthrough, never give up trying your hands on tough things.

Happy Holidays.

It is increasingly likely that ugly scenes of last week’s scuffles and hassles over scarce fuel are set to repeat themselves as Fuel Tanker Drivers engage Lagos State Government in a repeat battle for Apapa supremacy. Already many filling stations have stopped selling fuel (likely hoarding it) and long queues have resumed in Lagos and Ibadan. As the public holiday on Friday draws near, the situation next week will be far from funny if the matter is not resolved once and for all. From all indications it is possible that the Government gave in to the Tanker drivers due to the upcoming Eyo festival, with no urgent ceremonies on the calendar, Lagos is set to stand agog again, and possibly for a longer time until someone gives in as there can only be one captain in a ship.

Of course, when elephants fight, the grass suffers the most. I did not say Lagosians were made of grass, please don’t quote me . You know these facts for sure:

No diesel, no business

No Petrol, no life at home

LagosMet advice: Save your A/C for the rainy day, and keep an average top speed of 85 Km/h. Avoid show offs and screeches, and above all, PLEASE avoid traffic (timing is important). Park the Range and the Benz at home, the Asian is your friend (you know what I mean?).

If you must leave the office, please leave now (Chelsea versus Barca is just 2 hours away) , if you must take leave, turn your forms in against next week… just in case.

Just in case you haven’t seen my article on the return of the rain drops, please read: LagosMet Rainy Season: My do’s and don’ts for motorists and passengers

http://lagosmet.com/blog/2009/04/lagosmet-rainy-season-my-dos-and-donts-for-motorists-and-passengers/

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Update: On my way home, saw loads of tankers on the road, I guess the issue has been resolved. I GUESS! and I do hope so. But unfortunately, confirmed reports from friends in Ibadan and Lagos have it that the scarcity is still very much in the air… NO FUEL!

Its Thursday, 30th of April, eve of May Day and the fuel situation is still mad. NO FUEL! no parole be dat. What a pity…

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Lagos Eyo Festival in Pictures, Tafawa Balewa Square TBS, Lagos Nigeria. April 25th, 2009.

Zain

www.ZainNigeria.net.ms : A message popped in now from Zain Nigeria warning that a phishing site called www.zainnigeria.net.ms is sending messages to people asking them to log on to www.ZainNigeria.net.ms to claim your N1 million naira prize. The message is not from Zain; it could be a 419 – scam broadcast, please take note.

Zain’s website is http://www.ng.zain.com Always be suspiscious of any call, sms or mail congratulating you on winnings or job openings as they are crazy ways to tickle your fancy, get you to run emotions and dupe you. Nothing is Free! Anything free is bad cos nothing goes for nothing.

Since you are unable to decode, i’ll help with the translation:

“You too like money abi? How about 1 million naira, logon to our 419 website to claim your yeye prize so that we can scam the hell out of your mugu self! You hear me so?“

Lagos: Eyo Festival, taxi, okada or danfo banned on Island, 25th Apr, 09 Eko, Lagos Nigeria. Lagos will attract media attention from the world tomorrow, Saturday, 25th of April 09 (no environmental sanitation exercise) as the Eyo Masquerades file out in Lagos Island to compete (to win 1 million, 750k and 500k), honour late Chief TOS Benson of Ikorodu and thrill tourists and spectators. With the kind of media attention, publicity and importance attached to the festival, Governor Fashola has stepped in big time to ensure orderliness, safety and security of visitors, tourists and spectators. The Eyo does not cross water therefore, the Tafawa Balewa Square (TBS) will be the last touch and the final venue.

According to The Punch, “The state government has also barred all commercial buses, taxis and motorcycles from entering Lagos Island on the day of the festival.” 1060 Policemen, 310 BRT and LAGBUS buses, 100 Black Marias are ways of beefing up security and efficiently transporting tourists and observers. You are warned to refrain from smoking cigarettes and pipes near the masquerades, taking of photographs or wearing caps near the Eyo is prohibited.

According to 234next, “This time around the state government has introduced a prize that may well rev up the competitive spirit the more. “The government informed us at a meeting early today that the family that wins the parade (at the Tafawa Balewa Square) this year will be awarded the sum of one million naira. The second prize is N750, 000, while the third prize is N500, 000,” Dehinde Onimole, clarifies when it is his turn to address the meeting.” The Eyo Festival used to be violent in the past but henceforth it will be more colourful, like the Brazil or Calabar Carnival. See the list of Nigerian Festivals.

LagosMet Verdict: The event promises to be very colourful and roads will most likely be sealed on Lagos Island, broad street, Ikoyi and environs. If you must attend the festival, you should leave home early. The monthly environmental sanitation exercise has been called off meaning you can move even after 7:00am. You may as well sit back and watch the entire coverage on TV – safer and less stressful (that’s what i’m going to do). Emotions are running high now in the spirit of the Eyo Festival, I won’t advice partying tonight, or driving late, anything can happen, especially at Apongbon, Carter Bridge, Adekunle and Obalende. I wish all the people and Friends of Lagos a happy Eyo Festival.

2009 Lagos Fuel Scarcity scuffles in videos