Rain rain go away, come again another day, little baby wants to play…

No be so! It’s been hot all year long but now it appears the rains are descending hard soon. Fix your wipers, change your tires and learn how to survive being a Lagos motorist or pedestrian throughout the rainy season. Remember that calling while driving is as bad as drinking while driving and driving in the pouring rain on a pitch-black night is tantamount to half-suicide. Remember to tweet #lagosTraffic to warn other road users especially as floods gather and buildings collapse. Be careful, be very careful.

Lagos no go spoil (eko o ni baje o!)

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The festive period is very much around us. While we are planning big for the period through hard work, some idle hands are busy planning evil just to make it fast and look big during the same period through robbery and other means.

However, if you are driving at night and have some eggs thrown at your car’s windshield, do not operate your wiper or spray any water. Be reminded that eggs mixes with water and becomes milky which may block ones vision up to 92.5 % and one can be forced to stop at road side thereby becoming a victim of robbery. God forbid!!

Don’t stop either. Just try to see through the side window of the car to drive up to a safe distance before pulling off the road for a thorough wash of the screen.

This is a new technique used by robbers.

Please be guided.

The Lord will surely see all us through the period safely and shield us from all evils, Amen. Take care and drive safely while wishing you the best compliments of the seasons.

Regards,

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The ‘Ember Months’ are here again, and as characterized with this period of the year, criminal activities are always on the increase between September to December of every year and this is due to the desperate desire of some people to meet up with their set goals/target in the year.

The global economic meltdown experienced, may also mean that many more people, than ever before, will turn to various crimes to make ends meet. It is therefore expedient that we remind ourselves of certain risks associated with daily living and how these could be mitigated and we wish that we all pay particular attention should to the following safety measures during this ‘ember month’:

Car Security
• All parked cars should be firmly locked to avoid strange object being dropped in the car which could be activated remotely.
• Notify a security guard should you notice any strange object within and outside the premises.
• Avoid closing late from the office

Residential Security

• Be alert and aware of your environment. Keep a low profile.
• Always secure gates, doors and windows to your residence.
• Ensure security lights are functioning.
• Do not give vital/personal information to persons unfamiliar to you.

Social Outings

• Always let close family members know where you are going, and when you are likely to return.
• Vary your route to work or leisure locations.
• Avoid late outings unless it is absolutely necessary.
• Avoid crowded places.
• Always have your mobile phone with you, in case you need to make emergency calls.

Financial Transactions

• Do not discuss financial matters in the open.
• Avoid huge cash transactions. Use ATMs or online transfers, where necessary.
• When coming out of a bank, watch out for suspicious movements.
• Do not carry black polythene bags or big brown envelopes. It may attract criminals.

Travel Security

• Always pre-plan your journey and ensure the vehicle is in good working condition.
• If you must travel by public transport, use registered and well known transport company.
• Discuss travel details only with family members.
• Do not give rides to strangers, including persons dressed in uniform, as they may be armed robbers in disguise.
• Stick to main roads and avoid lonely routes.
• On approaching a checkpoint, stop and obey all instructions.
• If at night, turn on your interior lights some distance away from the checkpoint.
• If chauffer driven, brief driver on your expectations of his behavior on the road.

Child Security

• When going out (cinema, shopping mall etc), always keep children close to you.
• Discourage children from talking to, or receiving gifts from strangers. It could be bait to kidnap.

In the event of an Incident Occurring

• Comply, Comply and Comply with the demands of the criminals – DO NOT RESIST, DO NOT ARGUE
• Do not play the Hero.
• Do not make eye contact with the criminals as they may think you want to identify them later.
• Seek permission from the criminals before making any sudden body movement, such as unfastening seat belt etc.
• Be calm. Remember, most criminals are under the influence of drugs and alcohol and will pull the trigger at the slightest provocation.
• Always remember: Your safety is paramount, loss of personal possessions is temporary but your life is irreplaceable.

In an Emergency

• Report incident to the nearest Police Station.
• Police Emergency Number 08060357795, 07055462708, 017745705 – 6 (Lagos only).

Best regards,

Security

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Yar'adua Snail

Yar’Adua (fried snail meat). Remember Agbari Ojukwu (party cooking pot), Stove Abacha (Sawdust cooker), Ojuyobo (big-eyed fish named after Bola Tinubu, former Governor of Lagos), Shagari (70’s long Mercedes Benz), Awolowo (100 Naira), Apoti FEDECO (Old commercial bus), Ekana Gowon (locally made finger candy), Keke Marwa (Tricycle) e.t.c.

Even if IBB managed to escape with the tag Maradona (the master “dribbler”) or OBJ with the most “handsome” man in the world, Yar’Adua earned a name that will forever be remembered in tales and discussions passed on from generation to generation as the “Snail” due to his slow, snail-paced response to the demands of the people and in implementing “workable” policies. Some even believe he is a snail crawling backwards (on reverse) or go-slow or 77 point-agenda.

A man drops by at mama-put for lunch and says: “Mama, please give me round-about, assorted, ojuyobo, cow-leg and one Yar’Adua.”
Mama bursts into tears amidst laughter “Oga, which one be Yar’Adua again o?”
The next man on the queue says “Mama, na the fried snail now, you don see anybody wey fast past snail? Abeg reserve the last Yar’Adua for me o!”

Next time you visit mama put or a cafeteria, be sure to have a taste of the scarce, expensive but “healthy” Yar’Adua, you can even make more money if you rear one.

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Ritualists behead boy after disguising as pregnant women and forcing parents to sacrifice son at gun point.

It has come to a point where everyone must mind their business to the detriment of those who need help, including pregnant women. A family was traveling on one of our highways when they saw a pregnant woman (ritualist in disguise) crying for help as supposedly in labor pains. The man driving never wanted to stop as he was not convinced but the wife being a woman that had gone through labor pains before pleaded with her husband to stop and help the so-called pregnant woman.
As soon as they stopped and came out from their car to help this ritualist in pregnant woman’s form, little did they
know that was going to be the beginning of sorrows in their Home. When they reached out to help this So-call woman, some fellows just came out from the bush and made a painful offer to them: They either give up one of their children or they will all be killed!!!

This family supposing these fellows to be gang of kidnappers agreed to give them one of their children (a boy) thinking they will soon ask for a ransom on the boy but never knew they have just offered their son for sacrifice to the ritualists.. The poor boy was asking the parents – “Daddy & Mummy why me??????????”.LagosMet.com

They were asked to go and they started their car and zoomed off and just few minutes from the scene of this horror, they met some policemen and narrated their ordeal to them and the Police decided to go back with them to see whether they will see anything there, only for them to meet the headless dead Body of their SON with fresh blood gushing out like water with no trace of these evil people!!!!!!!!!!!

Will this mother ever forgive herself for urging her Husband to stop and help?????????????? Will this family ever be the same again???????????????????

Please send this to all your friends especially people who travel at night. It is unfortunate that people who now need help will not get it as the bad eggs have mingled with the good ones and are destroying the country with their evil intentions.

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!

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Fellas, our creative neighbours have discovered new ways of laying ambush for unsuspecting lagosians. The latest trick now works like this.

1. You park your car at the mall, an eatery, a cinema or church.
2. Someone removes your number plate, the one closest to the wall or another car.
3. You get in the car and drive off
4. Someone in okada or taxi or any car flags you down brandishing your number plate in your face (you recognize it cos its yours and you are not like me – I don’t know mine!)
5. You slow down and park hoping to tip the good samaritan and continue your mugu journey but the “well-meaning” lagosian shows you his red eye and robs you pants down, if possible, steal your car.
6. You are now officially on your own. If you are mature enough to follow protocol (your best bet), you call the police, go home take a bathe, thank God for preserving your life and sleep your sorrows away. Joy cometh in the morning brother. Next time. Next freaking time, obey your instincts.

What do we do?
You now need to check both number plates before leaving the parking lot, either way, do NOT stop even if someone on bike (okada) or another car shows you your mother’s head, in fact, exercise your rights on the wheels, NO SPEED LIMIT!

ps: It could be your scarf, notebook, mobile phone, but whatever it is, just let it go.

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Lagos V.I. Ikoyi Lekki Live Traffic on Google Map

Probably the single most useful site to a Lagosian, this website grabs real time traffic statistics via mobile, GPS, MMS and web technologies around V.I, Ikoyi and Lekki showing levels of traffic speed from Free, slow, very slow and highlighted in Green, Orange and Red colours with matching pictures and snapshots. Interestingly, they are offering subscription services by SMS or email (I guess you only pay for the sms, updates are free, at least for now). This should save you some man hours to play around with and give you confidence in arranging and meeting up with appointments and meetings.

Lagos: Save hours with Live Road traffic updates on Google Maps with real-time pictures – LagosMet.com

You don’t know how happy I am, but this is a sign of good things to come. Since the IP surveillance camera project by Swift Broadband, only coded people have the IP addresses of the cameras, hopefully after the state-wide WiMAX deployment, we can have access to live traffic reports (definitely not free).

Click on the red pegs to view snapshots, already the colours should direct you: the greener the freer, if it says red, don’t go there. The project is in beta version though, hopefully and prayerfully they will complete it and make us all happy, you feel me? Let’s go there: http://traffic.enownow.com/

Enownow.com, we thank una o.

Eko o ni baje!

Lagos V.I. Ikoyi Lekki Live Traffic on Google Map

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C&I Leasing's RedCab Corporate Taxi concept now concrete

Having successfully pushed the same in Enugu and effectively kicked okadas out of the business area in the eastern city, C & I Leasing has finally deployed the much awaited 200 RedCab Corporate Taxis. The Red taxis however pose a serious threat to the typical Yellow with black striped taxis (oko asewo) and on the long run, okadas. The red taxis would also compete with the Corporate Cabs. Taking a close look at the drivers (male or female), they are suited up (meaning 247 A/C’s) with red ties. The cabs are labelled and I presume some tight communication network here or there.

C & I Leasing paints Lagos Red with Suzuki Hatchback Corporate Taxis (RedCab)

LagosMet Verdict: A very welcome development indeed. How they will cope with the crazy Lagos traffic and resistance (unforseen) from the old cabs remain to be seen.

Close up Shot RedCab Corporate Taxis - LagosMet.com

Beautiful RedCabs for the Red Light Districts

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Kidnapping is the next big thing after Yahoozee

Tips on Avoiding Kidnappers and Ritualists

I told you back then, that Kidnapping was one of the highest paying non-white collar job. As employers cut costs and lay people off, trying to play smart, criminals have also returned to the drawing board, carving out schooled tactics (tricks) borne out of survival instincts… to make money at all cost! Comedy, Music, and Theatre art courses are sold out in institutions today but I’m seriously holding out for a course on Kidnapping, since it’s the next big thing after 419 Scamming. I received this mail from a friend and will encourage you to pass on to friends and loved ones. Don’t let greed get the best of you. I don’t pray to lose anyone right now, cos to be frank with you, I can’t even get a puppy out of their jail. Listen to me now or deal with them O.Y.O. (on your own). Remember, only the living can take decisions.

Dear All,
A new modus operandi is currently being used by kidnappers to lure unsuspecting victims to their hideout, usually an office-like apartment. This new trend has made it easy and less risky for the kidnappers as they don’t have to fire gun shots in the air to scare people or face risk of Police intervention at the point of kidnap.

First they will study you, your kind of business, your household and other activities, laying more emphasis on the kind of job you do and also good knowledge of your interests. They will of course have your full contact details. When they have all these information, they will put a call to you, claiming to offer you a business deal or to offer you something you have planned to have or buy. When they have convinced you, they will ask you to meet them at an agreed location where they will explain further, show you or deliver the expectant goods to you. The location they refer to is their hideout for kidnap victims and from there they will transfer their victims at gun point to other locations.

This is the current trend in Lagos and other cities in Nigeria and all of us should be very cautious of this. This has happened to a lot of business men and unsuspecting corporate staff and is still happening. This new trend makes it very difficult to trace the victims’ whereabouts as they (victims) tend to keep the business deal to themselves until after it has been concluded.

PRECAUTIONARY MEASURES:
1). Do not disclose information concerning your self/family/business to every one you come in contact with. Limit information about yourself and nature of work to only those you trust.
2). Do not disclose personal/official intended project plans to every one or discuss it in public places.
3). On receipt of such calls, and they want you to meet them, play along with them and request them to meet you instead – Decide the venue of the meeting…
4). Don’t be in a hurry to end the telephone conversation as they will be ready to continue to try to convince you. Get a second person around you to know what is going on and quickly alert the Police.
5) Do not leave minors unattended or alone at home.
6). Above all, if you are in doubt, end the conversation by saying “thank you, I am not interested”.

Please share this information with your staff, families,house-helps, drivers and well wishers.

Please pass this information to your family & friends.

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Law School, V.I.

Random Pictures of Beautiful Lagos (See pictures below, click on thumbnails to enlarge)
Who ever thought, 2 years ago that Lagos would ever be more beautiful than Abuja? Well, it’s beginning to happen in our lifetime and it gets better and better. Many places have been beautified, Oshodi and Tejuosho Markets have been demolished and cars can now pass freely, saving Lagosians millions of Man-hours and cutting the pockets of touts and Area Chairmen in shreds. The BRT Terminals look so beautiful, the solar-powered street lights and traffic lights are cute and Lekki Road and Bar Beach (by HiTech) are out of this world (only in Nigeria, permit me to exaggerate a lil bit). Plenty of credit to Governor Fashola, we can imagine what Lagos would look like in 6 years. If you are out of the country, I’m sure you are seriously missing home by now (not to raise your hopes, we still have issues with security, fuel, flood, and mad traffic). Beautiful Lasgidi!

Fuel Everywhere
Finally there’s fuel everywhere, filling stations looking ever scanty. Shame to bad people right? (don’t start celebrating yet, it was like this on Saturday only to see long queues on Monday). Let’s hope this is permanent. AMEN!

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