Fellow Lagosians,

Lagos Teachers make or break?

It is with a heavy heart that I write this piece. My hands are shaking and numb but write I must. As Kwara celebrated the strike suspension (http://allafrica.com/stories/200903060223.html) on Thursday, 5th of March 2009, National Union of Teachers NUT, Ilupeju, Lagos were engaged in showdown talks with Lagos only to finalise on Friday that teachers would have to resume work and the impromptu holiday had to come to an end (http://www.234next.com/csp/cms/sites/Next/Home/5390974-146/Lagos_teachers_call_off_strike_.csp). Kwara got what they asked for and negotiation with the Government was fruitful, but in Lagos, Africa’s “most populous” city, the teachers were threatened.

Not a death threat though, not blackmail for treason, nope. Now listen to the diplomatic, political threat:

“In order to give you what you have demanded from us, we MUST downsize and sack many of you!”

Osenobua! The statement, just a sentence can be translated into different versions, King James Version inclusive. Elizabethan would look somehow like:

“Thou shalt surely lose thy source of livelihood if it pleaseth thee in thine heart that thy neighbour shalt add more to his herd!”

and Hebrew, and NIV, and CEV, and Arabic… No matter which version, the point is clearer in the hip hop version:

“We just have to rob Peter to pay Paul so we can give Paul’s money to Caesar!”.

The teachers only asked for a 27.5% increase in the face of inflation, credit crunch and devaluation of our currency, the naira, and have now been forced not to call off but to “suspend” the strike and return to work. The students are bound to suffer some setback anyway.

Now my take on this. I think the NUT should allow the Government sack as many teachers as they can. I’ve been to public schools, teachers are just not enough. The government will be forced to employ more teachers with time as it becomes very obvious that the current number of teachers are not enough to help the ever growing influx of pupils into public schools. Also, people are bound to retire yearly, thereby freeing up more employment slots.

If teachers continue to teach without their hearts in their craft, we are bound to produce the worst generation of students ever, and that won’t be nice for the streets. The ones who will eventually suffer for this historic, cruel act will be you and me who ply the streets of Lagos everyday.

Ps: Dollar – Naira, Black market/ Street price at $1 to 190 naira.

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Commuters from the Island towards Iyana Oworo should avoid the Third Mainland Bridge (3MB) for now and hit alternative routes such as Apongbon – CMS or Adekunle-Yaba. Pedestrians can ferry across to Apapa. It is logical to avoid BRT buses plying the 3MB for now. Traffic is at it’s heaviest right now as the accident was reported around 2pm. This comes as no good news for football lovers who need to get home on time to secure fuel for their generating sets. If your fuel gauge reports low, just don’t hit the bridge without stopping at the gas station.

See you tomorrow

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The art of beating the crunch with Kidnapping

Work from home or beat the Credit Crunch in Lagos?

Now the world is screaming disaster, recession, crunch, bla bla bla, but I did tell you earlier that some jobs won’t feel the crunch in a long time. I’m not talking about established sectors such as the Health, Teaching and food industry in general, I’m talking about self-made or skill-based jobs.

I’m looking at Lagos specifically, though without research to prove this, I just think some people won’t lose jobs but will instead get richer. They are:

1. Teaching: Hopefully they get their pay rise, they have really safer jobs as parents must indeed seek other means of providing the neck-breaking school fees even when they have no job. This includes primary, secondary, tertiary and private instructors (including ICT certifications, professional and foreign exams).

2. Oil Marketing: Of course, they’ve made the quickest money in the past and are not about giving up anytime soon and with government policies leaving us at their mercy, I think they’ve only just begun. God gave them strong hands and fingers to milk us hard till our “teats” turn red right before the very eyes of the Government… “God pass dem”

3. Transportation: Okay Fashola’s reforms aren’t probably favoring owners of Okada, Danfo, Molue and Keke Napep but things are still very okay for people in this sector. The cost of a low quality crash helmet is somewhere around 1,800 naira but even with fuel prices reduced to 65 naira, trust Lagos, prices of things NEVER go down even if world prices crash to an all time low, they’d rather reach for the Everest in Lagos.

4. Health: be it some herbal guy, a “Chemist” or some certified group of peeps, someone somewhere somehow must make that money cos “health is wealth”. People MUST take care of their bodies or die prematurely. Accidents are inevitable and to the advantage of Nurse, Doctors and health workers generally, the crunch means little. Gynae’s still make bucks, and Surgeons (Cosmetic? well they make bursts of bucks occasionally) too but no matter how crunchy the recession is, people must have sex and that’s why sex products sell the most. You know what I’m talking? Dildos, tightening creams, enlargement formulas, horse power mixtures, spanish flies, pheromones, just name it (you know the red light districts dontcha! – Allen Avenue and Co)! Lest I forget, General Hospital, Lagos pays Doctors on House Job around 77,000 naira a month. Luth pays well over 110,000 naira. Doctors, una get mouth! I think Death has to come in here as well. People still spend a lot on burial ceremonies and mortuaries are still filled up cos like births, deaths are natural. Coffin makers, vault sellers, corpse transporters and private mortuaries, cemetaries and organizers are making their bucks, as usual.

5. Real Estate and HR Consulting: I grouped these together they are hot like fire! People are constantly moving, changing locations due to change in status, security and safety, flood, road network, family expansion, income dictates, e.t.c. and as usual Agents are constantly inflating agreement fees and lease prices are at an all time high in all locations within (and beyond) Lagos. Some fear this sector will crash after the stock disaster but I sincerely doubt this. Lagos Land laws adhere to the 100-year general long lease status of the C-of-O (Certificate of Ownership) but people want this to be lower to help cut down on the skyrocketing costs of acquiring landed property. HR Consulting is also helping companies select specific “good-to-go” job seekers requiring less training and ready to fit into the system. As usual they are getting in some cases up to 40% of the employee’s salary as agreed between the recruiting agency and the employer. You get the picture? Ain’t that crunchy?

6. Law. Hmmmm, often depicted as poor, tattered and unfortunate, some wise lawyers are still in business and are not going down any time soon. Criminal law is really dangerous as it involves politics but the ones really making huge money especially during this recession are those working on real estate projects. More profitable innit? Choose wisely!

7. Kidnapping: I hate to include this in the list but you’ll be amazed at the surging rate of kidnapping in the state (it’s really a kind of work-from-home sham). We just have to face it, it’s fast becoming a full-time job for job seekers who are scared to rob a bank. People go into churches, creches, schools, eateries, parks, malls and pick at random (or sometimes based on insider tip) a child or sometimes an adult (a wife, son, husband, daughter or even grannies) and demand millions of naira from the breadwinner (make no mistake…, this is rather common in the Niger Delta region where expatriates fall victim to hefty demands). They threaten brimstone and fire including killing the hostage but eventually negotiate a much lower price (usually inside 3 days) without the involvement of the police. Armed robbery is somewhere more dangerous than this though and is kinda like work-from-home too and is a predominant occurence in some parts of Lagos ranging from armed pick-pockets to phone snatchers, burglars and car snatchers! Sadly, many such cases are not reported to the police, or the media until victims experience a relapse. I hope we have strict laws in place addressing this aspect?

http://www.vanguardngr.com/content/view/25023/122/

8. Advertising: my, my, my, you expect to survive the credit crunch right? You need to push your brand into the market, make sales and take advantage of tilts in the battle ground. SO&U, CMC Connect, Rosaab and Vigeo are some of the top players. This helps the broadcasting media as radio, TV, print (including printers), internet e.t.c.

9. Webmasters/Developers: Yes! I’m not talking about bloggers or template-based (DIY) “consumers”, I mean people who build custom web based apps, sites, databases and communities. Undergraduates are likely to develop in this regard to bolster their chances of surviving after school as this skill-set is bound to increase in demand in coming years regardless of the credit Punch. If you are getting worried about job security, start going something web-wards, and you’ll be the one pitying your employer. LoL. Sounds funny but it’s the truth. There are many ideas out there, go see for yourself and don’t expect me to spoon-feed you all the time.

10. Lag Nollywood: Of course no matter how daft, movies still sell, if not, we wont keep having 10,000 home videos released per month. Artistes releasing albums or singles stand a much greater risk if they neither appeal to the market nor get radio and TV DJ’s (disk jockeys) to help give a push. To find yourself in the ranks of Jenifa or Yinka Ayefele requires sheer quality, hard work and perseverance but it is the producers/managers who go home with the bulk. Sign a promising artiste and you are sure to make your money someday. Timaya, I hail o!

11. Comedy/MCing: You won’t believe how much these guys rake in per week, and prices are ever going up. A comedian has a PS/3 or an X-box and plays this all week long. He has a manager (sometimes a dubious one who tells you his client is booked but if you pay double he can cancel the other appointment) who charge between 150,000 naira and 1 million naira for 2 hours! Basket Mouth, AY, abi i lie? It’s not that easy though, considering these guys have come a long way, but unlike Musicians, you are not allowed to repeat jokes as they quickly become dry. Tuface can sing African Queen from show to show but they must improvise otherwise, people won’t laugh, yet this is one of the most lucrative jobs in the Metropolis – not affected by the PUNCH!

12. Food/Fast Food: do people have a choice, they just have to eat. People are really cost conscious so it boils down to who provides the best meal, service at the lowest price. I’m not advertising but we already know who are taking their customers serious and who aren’t. As for food stuffs and Iya Basira’s I don’t think they have a problem with the recession anyway cos people just have to eat!

13. Private Security: People really don’t wanna die even in these hard times, people still eat, watch their health and want to be safe from the “owners”. Private security outfits are smiling to the bank, like HR Consultants.

Have to stop here, cos it’s well past my bedtime and I’m off to work in the morning (I love my job!). I’ll rate the “professions” tomorrow from first to last. I told you already, I’m a router with a tickling time bomb. Happy new week, and if you are on leave, wow, I envy you cos the rains have returned but please make money while you aren’t at work. It’s important.

The following links lend credence to this argument and can help you further in this regard.

http://education.yahoo.net/degrees/articles/featured_careers_that_can_fight_recession.html

http://education.yahoo.net/degrees/articles/featured_seven_surprising_stay_home_salaries.html

Victimization report by Cleen Foundation: http://www.cleen.org/LAGOS%20CRIME%20SURVEY.pdf

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