LagosMet LagosTraffic Live Traffic Report from Twitter Users

Lagos, Transportation, flood and drainage, situation report, traffic 1 Comment »

LagosMet LagosTraffic Live Traffic Report from Twitter Users

Click here to see Live Ikeja Lagos Traffic (Real time Video)

Click here to see Live Lekki Lagos Traffic (Real time Video)

Traffic updates, situation reports, alternative route suggestions etc.


 

To share your traffic reports/updates with others you can:

1. Update your twitter status and add “#lagostraffic” to it e.g. (traffic on CMS – Costain is heavy, bus accident, try alternative route #lagostraffic). Note that twitter only allows 140 characters per tweet.
2. Update this page by adding comment
3. Follow Lagostraffic trend on Twitter

Warning!!! Please do not attempt to take your eyes off traffic while tweeting. Tweet/SMS only when traffic is at a standstill. Tweeting while driving is worse than drinking and driving. Safety first!

Inspirational Quote of the day | Follow LagosMet on Twitter | VM Biz/Personal Websites | 5k Hosting + Domain + 50 email + WebDesign

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US to officially strip Nigerians naked at Airports – Rebrand Nigeria and Suicide Bombing

Credit crunch, Critique, Economy, Media, Religion, injustice, recession, situation report, violence 3 Comments »

Happy New Year all,

It is my helpless displeasure to announce to you that you may be asked to ’strip naked’ to US Airport officials as from today. They may even request to shave your… erm… erm hair, so do yourself a big favour by shaving “that” before travelling. Wash your panties, dirty boxers and your bra, you may be asked to strip on a long queue (you know we Nigerians sabi travel). Don’t wear a Ralph suit and Oshodi boxers, same goes for stockings (socks). If you sweat a lot, please get some good quality cotton singlet. The search is “extensive” they say, so expect to spend at least 60 minutes upon arrival. Book the Taxi cab/ Appointment accordingly. The sky is our limit, we are constantly re-branding Nigeria. Although corruption has reduced (that’s what they said) we have moved up in other departments. Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab’s suicide bombing issue, barring.

In Yahoo News, the words were politically, diplomatically and wisely selected but they mean “plenty”, see:

“Beginning Monday, air travelers flying into the United States from Saudi Arabia, Nigeria, Yemen and other “countries of interest” will be subjected to enhanced screening techniques, such as body scans, pat-downs and a thorough search of carry-on luggage. Passengers are subjected to special screening, including full body searches, in a designated area of the departure lounge, said the spokesman, Sultan Hasan.

My major concern is that I have a phobia for scanning machines. I know that frequent subjection to scanning rays could be detrimental to the human health on the long run. I have said time and before that I would someday consider changing Nationality and if tomorrow I claim to be Togolese, please don’t blame me, I’d rather be Ghanian than face this humiliation and phobia come true. Someone once said “There is NO single benefit of being a Nigerian” and I say to you today. There is at least one. No fuel, no jobs, no food, no water, no money, no reputation, no this, no that, but there is TIME (don’t hiss, every country has 24 hours and whatever you do with YOUR 24 hours…)! Dora, hope I made sense?

What a “perfect” way to start the new year!

Sources: http://rubminds.com/forums/world-news/nigerian-terrorist/

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_airline_security

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House Developer Agent Scams 300 people at Ibadan Street Ilupeju Lagos

419, Escapades, Lagos, Structures, banking, housing, injustice, real estate, scam, situation report 2 Comments »
The house of scam on ibadan street ilupeju

The house of scam on ibadan street ilupeju

A house developer has duped over 200 people of about 50 million naira in a matter that has generated media interest and the intervention of the EFCC. The 2-storey building in Ilupeju is a brown building on Ibadan street off Tinubu road, off Ilupeju Street, is a newly completed building with at least 15 flats. The developer known as Alhaji Hassan Lukman or Qulaj Homes or L A Chicago or Standard homes collected house rents from at least 200 people starting from 150,000 naira to as much as 1.4 million naira. Monday, 31st of August was meant to be the opening day where tenants would lay claim to their flats but unfortunately, more than 200 people converged to witness one of the biggest modern real-estate scams in Lagos. The developer, along with his team of Ahmed, Otunba e.t.c. absconded and coined the Ilupeju Policemen with the help of the RRS squad to deter touts from tearing the building down. They also paid Ilupeju Area Boys to work with the police and maintain peace and orderliness as the workers put finishing touches to the house.

Work is ongoing but all the flats have already been occupied by people who had links to the military, touts, police, government e.t.c. LagosMet.Com noticed even the crew from Sterling Bank did not stand a chance in the scam romance.

Now the highlights.
The developer “Hassan alias Chicago met the head of the family in a bid to demolish the old family bungalow and build a lucrative 2-storey on it and maybe collect rentals for 6 years before handing the property over to the family. LagosMet.Com was told that the family agreed to this, verbally, without signing any papers and the original documents are still with the head of the family. Most houses on Ibadan street belong to families (not one person). The developers practically collected money from people to fund the building project and had been doing this since October 2008. In a nut-shell, most of the money went into building the new house while some went into a similar project at a site not far from the present calamity. NTA and SuperScreen were at the site yesterday and it was on the news on TV last night.

This should serve as a warning as fraudulent people are still driving people to the site and collecting money from them, issuing fake receipts. The present list has been forwarded to the EFCC and Alausa, the Ilupeju Police could not offer much in terms of information but it is widely believed that he carried out the fraudulent acts with the connivance of some top Ilupeju police officers.

www.LagosMet.Com

Whether the house would be sold to pay back the funds of hundreds of stranded tenants remains to be seen but it looks like the only way out of this mess. As usual, this is another 55 million naira case that will last could last years before justice, if at all, is done. It has always been said several times. Patronise only Registered Estate Surveyors and Valuers for your housing needs, even a Lawyer is not a professional Property Manager recognised by the Institute of Estate Surveyors and Valuers. Don’t be a victim.

More from the net:

http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/news/national/2009/sept/02/national-02-09-2009-14.htm

http://thepmnews.com/2009/09/17/fraudsters-take-over-real-estate-business

http://234next.com/csp/cms/sites/Next/News/Metro/Crime/5451529-147/story.csp

http://234next.com/csp/cms/sites/Next/News/Metro/Crime/1885367-147/Property_scammer_arrested___.csp

http://234next.com/csp/cms/sites/Next/News/Metro/Crime/5435760-147/House_scam:_Another_set_of_victims.csp

http://234next.com/csp/cms/sites/Next/News/Metro/Crime/5425074-147/Long_wait_besets_Egbeda_property_scam.csp

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New Slang: Yar’adua goes down in Nigerian folklore as the Fried Snail meat

Food, Lagos, Nigeria, Politics, situation report 3 Comments »

Yaradua Snail

Yar'adua Snail

Yar’Adua (fried snail meat). Remember Agbari Ojukwu (party cooking pot), Stove Abacha (Sawdust cooker), Ojuyobo (big-eyed fish named after Bola Tinubu, former Governor of Lagos), Shagari (70’s long Mercedes Benz), Awolowo (100 Naira), Apoti FEDECO (Old commercial bus), Ekana Gowon (locally made finger candy), Keke Marwa (Tricycle) e.t.c.

Even if IBB managed to escape with the tag Maradona (the master “dribbler”) or OBJ with the most “handsome” man in the world, Yar’Adua earned a name that will forever be remembered in tales and discussions passed on from generation to generation as the “Snail” due to his slow, snail-paced response to the demands of the people and in implementing “workable” policies. Some even believe he is a snail crawling backwards (on reverse) or go-slow or 77 point-agenda.

A man drops by at mama-put for lunch and says: “Mama, please give me round-about, assorted, ojuyobo, cow-leg and one Yar’Adua.”
Mama bursts into tears amidst laughter “Oga, which one be Yar’Adua again o?”
The next man on the queue says “Mama, na the fried snail now, you don see anybody wey fast past snail? Abeg reserve the last Yar’Adua for me o!”

Next time you visit mama put or a cafeteria, be sure to have a taste of the scarce, expensive but “healthy” Yar’Adua, you can even make more money if you rear one.

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REVEALED? SANUSI CBN acting to orders in AREWA northern agenda – Vanguard

419, Credit crunch, Critique, Economy, Media, banking, situation report 5 Comments »

SHOCKING REVELATION: Sanusi may not be acting in our interest after all. Chances are that he and Waziri of the EFCC are only protecting northern interest and are being used as tools to carry out the northern agenda since Soludo removed the Arabic language from the Naira. Please read on:

Vanguard on 23 March 2009, did a world exclusive on alleged plot by a group of individuals to take over fiThe Exclusive report on the present banking crisis shown here as published by VANGUARD March 23, 2009.ve banks in the country.

Two weeks ago, the new Central Bank of Nigeria Governor, Mallam Sanusi Lamido Sanusi sacked the chief executives and boards of five banks, therefore confirming our scoop of March 23.

The story:ANTI-CONSOLIDATION forces have regrouped with the hope of dismantling the structures and forcing a takeover of the top five banks in the country, Vanguard can now reveal. The grand plan by the group is to cause panic and uncertainty in the industry and make the target banks look unsafe for depositors

Meantime, indications emerged yesterday that the Federal Government may announce the names of a new Governor of the Central Bank (CBN) and the Auditor-General of the Federation (AGF) in April just a few weeks before the tenure of the incumbents run out.

However, the Arewa Consultative Forum (ACF) has expressed concern over what it described as the rapidly deteriorating liquidity situation in the banking industry and tasked the Central Bank (CBN) to make public information on causes of the development as well as the scale of the crisis.

The Exclusive report on the present banking crisis shown here as published by VANGUARD March 23, 2009.

Click to enlarge pictures.

Vanguard investigations revealed that the aim of the anti-consolidation forces is to cause loss of public confidence in the banking industry and compel the Federal Government to move in by injecting funds. Further, they ultimately plan to instigate government to take equity holdings in the targeted banks.

Vanguard gathered that the group at work is made up of former bank owners who lost out during the consolidation exercise, a powerful clique in the present government, and some aggrieved persons in three of the six geopolitical zones in the country who felt left out in the consolidation exercise.

Presidency sources disclosed that those who felt left out in the consolidation exercise are up in arms to recoup what they felt they lost during Obasanjo years.

Part of the plans hatched by the group is to ensure that the incumbent Governor of the Central Bank, Professor Chukwuma Soludo, does not get a second term. The plan is also to ensure that whatever gains consolidation recorded are discredited.

This, it was learnt, was meant to force the President to act quickly in the matter of appointment of a successor to Soludo as they anticipate that the president’s slow move may scuttle their dreams and cause the renewal of Soludo’s re-appointment for a second term.

The group’s second game plan is to make Nigerian banks look unsafe in the eye of the banking public. Part of the game is to spread rumours that some banks are unsound and are on the verge of collapse. They send out text messages to individuals and account holders passing wrong information on their target banks. At the moment, the group’s target is one of the high-flying new generation banks where they have sent out several messages.

New CBN Gov, Auditor-General to emerge April

The tenure of the CBN Governor, Professor Chukwuma Soludo and Auditor-General of the Federation, Mr. O. R. Ejenavi from Delta State will lapse in May 2009.

Naming nominees for the top jobs, according to a presidency source, will afford the Senate ample opportunity to work on them before they assume office.

While Soludo will complete his first term in office as CBN governor by May 29, Ejenavi will be due for retirement on age grounds on May 18.

However, among those being considered for the position of CBN governor include the Minister of National Planning, Dr Shamsuddeen Usman from Kano, who was a former Finance minister and deputy governor at the apex bank; another former CBN deputy governor, Obadiah Mailafia from Nassarawa, Mallam Isa Hayatudeen from Borno, a former managing director of FSB International Bank, incumbent Managing Director of First Bank, Mallam Sanusi Lamido Sanusi, also from Kano, and Mallam Falalu Bello from Kaduna, Managing Director, Unity Bank.

But the most touted name so far is that of Mallam Isa Yuguda, the Bauchi State governor who won election on the platform of the All Nigeria peoples Party, ANPP, but defected to the ruling PDP last week. Yuguda is also an in-law of President Umaru Yar’Adua. Yuguda was also a former Managing Director of Inland Bank, a legacy bank in post-consolidation FinBank.

Past CBN governors include late Dr. Clement Isong (Akwa-Ibom), Alhaji Adamu Ciroma (Yobe); Mr. Ola Vincent (Lagos), late Alhaji Abdulkadir Ahmed (Bauchi); Mr. Paul Ogwuma (Abia), Dr. Joseph Sanusi (Ondo) and the current Professor Charles Soludo (Anambra).

It was also gathered that strict obedience to civil service rules will be observed in the appointment of a new Auditor General for the Federation going by the constitutional provision.

Section 86 Subsection 1 of the 1999 constitution states: “the Auditor-General for the Federation shall be appointed by the President on the recommendation of the Federal Civil Service Commission, subject to the confirmation of the Senate.”

That of the CBN may be determined by other factors, mostly political considerations which are at the pleasure of the President without recourse to the commission.

The most senior director in the office of the Auditor-General currently is Mr. Ogunsina G.F from Ekiti State who may be appointed unless there is political maneuvering. Having been a director since 2004, it may not be smooth sailing for Ogunsina because, there is another senior civil servant Mr. Osonuga T. A. from Ogun State who was promoted a director in 2007 and is being propelled by other forces to occupy the office.

It’s unfortunate top 5 banks are targeted, says official

A CBN official who spoke on condition of anonymity said that it is unfortunate that top five banks are the target. The banks, he said, are sound. The CBN had mistaken in the past the ongoing move as de-marketing by competitors in the banking industry, saying it is unhealthy competition.

The group is using this means to make depositors panic and undertake massive withdrawal of funds from the targeted banks in an attempt to cause liquidity problem in the bank. In that state they hope to cause a take over by the government which may buy a stake in the bank and later sell to members of the privileged group who may be appointed in the interim into the board of the banks.

Arewa worries over liquidity problem

However, the Arewa Consultative Forum (ACF) expressed concern over what it described as the rapidly deteriorating liquidity situation in the banking industry and tasked the Central Bank (CBN) to inform the people the cause of the development as well as the scale of the crisis.

ACF said that the commercial banks must have obviously lent too much money to people who either invested them in buying stocks or in the importation of petroleum products in the country, but are unable to repay such loans.

A statement signed by the National Publicity Secretary of the Forum, Mr. Anthony Sani however blamed the CBN for enquiring “into the volume of the so-called toxic assets of the commercial banks while refusing to tell Nigerians how or why in the first place, the banks found themselves in trouble.

The statement reads “The Working Committee of the National Executive Council of the Arewa Consultative Forum (ACF) held its meeting at its national headquarters in Kaduna on Tuesday, the 17th of March 2009. In attendance were all National officers of the ACF drawn from the 19 northern states and the Federal Capital Territory (FCT). General IBM Haruna, the Chairman presided.

“Among other things, the meeting reviewed and discussed a number of issues and other troubling developments in the country. At the end, it resolved to issue the following statement.

“The ACF deliberated on the rapidly deteriorating liquidity situation in the banking industry and observed that Nigerians are feeling increasingly frustrated by the failure of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) to disclose the true the true nature and the scale of the crisis.

“Even members of the National Assembly, despite their best efforts, have been unable to get to the truth of the matter.
According to Arewa consultative forum “All that seem obvious is that our commercial banks had lent out too much money to too many people who had invested them in stocks or petroleum importation but who are now unable to pay back. Beyond that, the public has no clear idea as how or why the loans were given and on what terms.”

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2009/08/26/group-plots-takeover-of-five-top-banks/comment-page-13/

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Ritualists now disguise as pregnant women – latest murder tactics – lagos

419, Death, Lagos, Life, scam, security, situation report, violence 3 Comments »

Ritualists behead boy after disguising as pregnant women and forcing parents to sacrifice son at gun point.

It has come to a point where everyone must mind their business to the detriment of those who need help, including pregnant women. A family was traveling on one of our highways when they saw a pregnant woman (ritualist in disguise) crying for help as supposedly in labor pains. The man driving never wanted to stop as he was not convinced but the wife being a woman that had gone through labor pains before pleaded with her husband to stop and help the so-called pregnant woman.
As soon as they stopped and came out from their car to help this ritualist in pregnant woman’s form, little did they
know that was going to be the beginning of sorrows in their Home. When they reached out to help this So-call woman, some fellows just came out from the bush and made a painful offer to them: They either give up one of their children or they will all be killed!!!

This family supposing these fellows to be gang of kidnappers agreed to give them one of their children (a boy) thinking they will soon ask for a ransom on the boy but never knew they have just offered their son for sacrifice to the ritualists.. The poor boy was asking the parents – “Daddy & Mummy why me??????????”.LagosMet.com

They were asked to go and they started their car and zoomed off and just few minutes from the scene of this horror, they met some policemen and narrated their ordeal to them and the Police decided to go back with them to see whether they will see anything there, only for them to meet the headless dead Body of their SON with fresh blood gushing out like water with no trace of these evil people!!!!!!!!!!!

Will this mother ever forgive herself for urging her Husband to stop and help?????????????? Will this family ever be the same again???????????????????

Please send this to all your friends especially people who travel at night. It is unfortunate that people who now need help will not get it as the bad eggs have mingled with the good ones and are destroying the country with their evil intentions.

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!

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Fashola Directs Stoppage Of Arrests For MOT Offences

Automobiles, Lagos, Laws of Lagos State, driving, injustice, situation report, traffic No Comments »

Fashola Directs Stoppage Of Arrests For MOT Offences
• As LASG moves to halt faking of MOT Test Certificates
Gov. Fashola has directed that henceforth, no motorist in Lagos State should be arrested or contravened on account of the possession of inauthentic Ministry of Transport (MOT) Test Certificate.
Rather than arrest or contravention, the Governor directed that any motorist caught with such fake document should be issued a docket with a moratorium of 21 days within which to rectify the anomaly and obtain a genuine document.
Disclosing the directive Sunday at a Joint Press Briefing in conjunction with his Motor Vehicle Administration Agency counterpart, Mr. Akin Hansen, the Permanent Secretary, Ministry of Transportation, Mr. Oluseyi Coker, said the directive was aimed at nipping in the bud the circulation of fake MOT document in the State.
According to the Permanent Secretary, the Governor also directed that only motorists who breach clear traffic offences as specified in the Traffic Law and Highway Code could be arrested.
Coker further disclosed that through the activities of the Vehicle Inspection Unit of the Ministry of Transportation, it was recently discovered that fake MOT certificates are in circulation which predictably lack the security features on the authentic certificate.
He also revealed that certain centres whose operators failed to renew their licenses, have continued operating using touts that often use their Test Centres to issue MOT test certificates and documents such as Bank pay-slip and allied documents.
The Permanent Secretary reiterated that the State Government’s Law enforcement and Traffic Management Strategies and officers are not aimed at revenue generation but to make the roads safe and sane for the use and convenience of Law-abiding citizens.
Lamenting that most vehicle owners engage the services of third party to collect the certificate, Coker said the procedure for obtaining the MOT Test Certificate still remained that the vehicle owner should make a statutory payment at the Government approved bank- Sterling Bank- before the vehicle and the bank’s pay-slips are taken to any duly certified designated MOT Test Centre for the issuance of MOT Certificate after necessary inspection has been conducted on the vehicle.
He warned, “In view of the foregoing, Government is not liable for any transaction that does not follow the aforementioned due process”, adding that the directive of the Governor is part of the steps being taken by the State Government in its avowed determined to nip in the bud the nefarious activities of touts and bring to book anyone found guilty in this regard.
Other steps taken by the Government in this direction, the Permanent Secretary said, include the publishing of the list of duly certified and licensed MOT centres and the mobile phone numbers of Government officials to contact in cases of any anomalies concerning the MOT.
On the allegations of excesses by some LASTMA officials on the State’s highways, Coker stated, “For the avoidance of doubt, our law enforcement and Traffic Management Strategies and officers are not aimed at revenue generation but rather meant to make our roads safe and sane for the use and convenience of law-abiding citizens”.
“The acts of a few bad eggs in our traffic agencies should not be misconstrued as a reflection of the character of the hardworking men and women who are clearly in the majority”, the permanent Secretary said, directing members of the public who are harassed on account of non-original MOT document, to lodge their complaints by sending SMS to 08033056975, 08033239057 or 070249983.
Calling on all public officer in the State to “conscientiously carryout the new directive on the operation of MOT and motorists in the State “to make that extra effort to obtain genuine documents in every transaction”, Coker declared, “I will like to end this address with the oft-repeated call by His Excellency, the Governor of Lagos State, Mr. Babatunde Fashola (SAN) that traffic officers, LASTMA officials and, indeed, all public officials are in employment for only one reason – to provide service to all law-abiding citizens of Lagos State”.
In his contribution, the Senior Special Assistant to the Governor on Media, Mr. Hakeem Bello, urged the media, as the link between the Government and the people to endeavor at all times to carry out this noble duty by putting the right information in the public domain.
Also present at the occasion were the Director of Projects, Ministry of Transportation, Engineer Remi Thomas, a director in the Motor Vehicle Management Agency, Mr. M.A. Buraimoh, among other officials from both government establishments.

Loosen up!

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Latest robbery tactics in Lagos – Number Plates decoy

419, Critique, Escapades, Lagos, Life, jobs, scam, security, situation report, violence 1 Comment »

Fellas, our creative neighbours have discovered new ways of laying ambush for unsuspecting lagosians. The latest trick now works like this.

1. You park your car at the mall, an eatery, a cinema or church.
2. Someone removes your number plate, the one closest to the wall or another car.
3. You get in the car and drive off
4. Someone in okada or taxi or any car flags you down brandishing your number plate in your face (you recognize it cos its yours and you are not like me – I don’t know mine!)
5. You slow down and park hoping to tip the good samaritan and continue your mugu journey but the “well-meaning” lagosian shows you his red eye and robs you pants down, if possible, steal your car.
6. You are now officially on your own. If you are mature enough to follow protocol (your best bet), you call the police, go home take a bathe, thank God for preserving your life and sleep your sorrows away. Joy cometh in the morning brother. Next time. Next freaking time, obey your instincts.

What do we do?
You now need to check both number plates before leaving the parking lot, either way, do NOT stop even if someone on bike (okada) or another car shows you your mother’s head, in fact, exercise your rights on the wheels, NO SPEED LIMIT!

ps: It could be your scarf, notebook, mobile phone, but whatever it is, just let it go.

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CBN releases shocking list of bad debtors that led to CEOs sackings

419, Currency, Economy, Personality, banking, injustice, scam, situation report No Comments »
Sanusi versus bank mismanagement

Sanusi versus bank mismanagement

Disgraceful List of Oceanic Bank, Afribank, Finbank, Intercontinental Bank and Union Bank Debtors including Femi Otedola, Ibori, Arisekola, Ramanniya and all the “richest” men in Nigeria. This list released by the CBN also contains the amount owed. Please click on each picture to see a wider view.

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25 Rules of Lagos Driving 101 for JJCs and learners

Automobiles, Critique, Lagos, Laws, Life, Transportation, driving, situation report, traffic 3 Comments »
Oshodi Lasgidi Driving, no bumper 2 bumper

Oshodi Lasgidi Driving, no bumper 2 bumper

25 RULES OF ENGAGEMENT, Lagos Driving 101

1. When in doubt, accelerate!

2. Be prepared to ram anything stoping you wearing uniform in Lagos (police, traffic warden,FRSC, Kai brigade, fire brigade, VIO, lastma, lamata, laswa, even lawma sef)

3. If you get caught by any chance, DO NOT allow them to enter your car, if they happen to get in DO NOT drive from that spot (vere off traffic & settle 5hun), and if they don’t agree, form calling your uncle who is in the army (believe me it always works), never follow them to ANY sort of office except you wanna pay X10

4. Never give police or VIO your original particulars (whether expired or up to date)

5. Danfo drivers believe they are immortal. NEVER yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise.

6. Okada riders have a pact with suicide, avoid them like a plaque

7. Avoid BRT buses in all ramifications, they have NO brakes

8. Taxi cabs (oko asewo) should always have the right of way, all of them have been driving in Lagos for 25yrs.

9. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.

10. The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it. Survival of the fittest you may say!

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos, potholes (and sometimes car-holes) are put in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and shock absorbers,( I saw one man fishing in one of the potholes last week).

12. There is no such thing as “one-way”in Lagos. Expect traffic from any direction at all times. The okada riders are the experts in this area.

13. Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork, except you want to spend ur whole saturday @ the panel beater’s place.

14. Morning rush-hours are equivalent to Lagos grand prix (who gets to the junction first)

15. There is no such thing as a short-cut during rush-hour traffic in Lagos. Everybody might be inclined to take that ’short-cut’.

16. When asking for directions, always ask at least 3 people. Lagosians ALWAYS claim to know every inch of the city – even areas they’ve never been to.

17. Use extreme caution when pulling into service lanes. Service lanes are not for breaking down the traffic, but for speeding, especially during rush hour.

18. Never use directional signals, since they only confound and distract other Lagos drivers, who are not used to them.

19. Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals. Lagos drivers, unused to such courtesies, will think you are making obscene gestures to them. This could be very bad for you in Lagos.

20. Hazard lights (popularly called “double pointer”) is not, (as commonly supposed) used to indicate a hazard. It is a warning to you that he is a bonafide Lagos driver, he’s headed ’straight’ and as such, will not stop under any circumstance. Take him extremely seriously especially if he backs it up with a continuous blast from his “horn”.

21. At any given time, do not stand on the zebra crossing expecting traffic to yield to you, or else you will have to explain to the on coming traffic whether you look like a zebra.

22. Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty.

23. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.

24. In Las Gidi every spot is a potential bus stop. FRSC and LASTMA know that too. It is in their constitution.

25. Above all, keep moving. Even with a flat tire!!!

HORNING IN LAGOS

- ‘Horn’ when someone executes a dangerous manoeuvre.

- ‘Horn’ when you’re about to move off.

- ‘Horn’ when you’re about to overtake.

- ‘Horn’ when someone is about to overtake you.

- ‘Horn’ when turning into a road.

- ‘Horn’ when emerging from a road.

- ‘Horn’ back when someone horns at you. It’s considered good etiquette.

- ‘Horn’ when you hear a chorus of horns. Don’t worry if you don’t know what all the ‘horning’ is about.

- ‘Horn’ when you’re happy.

- ‘Horn’ to the beat when you’re playing music in your car.

Good luck, as you expeditiously navigate through Lagos and hustle and bustle!

Source: Mayowa Owoeye (facebook notes)

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