Yar'adua Snail

Yar’Adua (fried snail meat). Remember Agbari Ojukwu (party cooking pot), Stove Abacha (Sawdust cooker), Ojuyobo (big-eyed fish named after Bola Tinubu, former Governor of Lagos), Shagari (70’s long Mercedes Benz), Awolowo (100 Naira), Apoti FEDECO (Old commercial bus), Ekana Gowon (locally made finger candy), Keke Marwa (Tricycle) e.t.c.

Even if IBB managed to escape with the tag Maradona (the master “dribbler”) or OBJ with the most “handsome” man in the world, Yar’Adua earned a name that will forever be remembered in tales and discussions passed on from generation to generation as the “Snail” due to his slow, snail-paced response to the demands of the people and in implementing “workable” policies. Some even believe he is a snail crawling backwards (on reverse) or go-slow or 77 point-agenda.

A man drops by at mama-put for lunch and says: “Mama, please give me round-about, assorted, ojuyobo, cow-leg and one Yar’Adua.”
Mama bursts into tears amidst laughter “Oga, which one be Yar’Adua again o?”
The next man on the queue says “Mama, na the fried snail now, you don see anybody wey fast past snail? Abeg reserve the last Yar’Adua for me o!”

Next time you visit mama put or a cafeteria, be sure to have a taste of the scarce, expensive but “healthy” Yar’Adua, you can even make more money if you rear one.

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We no go gree - fuel scarcity, bembele salary, Ekiti fraud...

Lagos: Nigeria Labour Congress on Wednesday, 13th of May, 2009 organised a peaceful rally and walked 20 kilometres from Ikorodu Road through Mobolaji Bank Anthony to the State Secretariat, Alausa, Ikeja. About 3,000 protesters showed up with policemen forming a ring around them. There was no riot or violence of any kind and placards conveyed the yearnings of the masses. The Labour and Civil Society Coalition (LASCO) as well as the Trade Union Congress (TUC) were actively involved in the rally. According to this Yahoo! report, Abdulwaheed Omar, head of the NLC openly condemned the government of President Umaru Yar’Adua claiming it has no future for Nigerians. Two issues were raised.

1. Encourage the government to implement the electoral reforms (without permitting any amendment to it) and also raise the current minimum wage (which has been the same 7,500 naira for 10 years) to N52,200 (fifty-two thousand two hundred naira only).

“Esele said: Our problem in Nigeria is that we are not allowed to choose who should lead us. Today, because of electoral flaws in the reforms Act, whoever is “picked” to rule is loyal to his godfather and not the masses”

2. Discourage deregulation of petroleum products; contrary to the government’s belief that it is the only solution to the fuel crisis.

I remember the government has always supported deregulation to the anger of the NLC for as long as I can remember. They are saying deregulation will free us from the “Cartel” but the NLC think this is not true. It’s a tough war and a battle of interests. Deregulation will give the marketers the freedom to alter fuel pump prices as the government withdraws subsidies (to which the FG is owing over $1 billion to these “importers”). You and I know that majority of the oil marketers are greedy people, and given a blank cheque with which they can milk the masses dry, you will expect to buy fuel for N200 per litre before the end of the year, and don’t ask me if there will be competition, they also have a body and are out to make as much profit as politicians. I go with the NLC on that.

3,000 people combine voices, will it just end there?

Instead of giving them a blank cheque to deal with the masses, they should rather focus on building or reviving our refineries. We do not need to import fuel for any reason, being one of the giants in OPEC. Why should a major oil producing country ship crude oil out and then buy the same again at a much much higher rate? It’s a plain old business reality. It is much better to own your infrastructure than to rent from a competitor. You can’t keep renting chairs for your school on a daily basis when you can actually buy chairs for life. If buying a chair costs 2,000 naira and renting one costs 100 naira, in just 20 days you would have paid the competitor 2,000 naira! It is plain to see that the competitor would never pray for you to think out of the box, unless of course there is a “Cartel” – and in our case, there is. Someone out there is benefiting in a big way from every litre of fuel that leaves or gets into the country.

Whatever the case, they need to rebrand our refineries before rebranding Nigeria because you cannot fool us with rebrand Nigeria when you have failed to provide our basic needs including power and fuel. You can’t keep cutting the branches when you can uproot the damn tree. Don’t ever send me such text messages until there’s a lil bit of sanity up there. I don’t need to be rebranded until you make efforts to rebrand the foundation. Its good they claim that Kaduna refinery is on the verge of complete turnaround, Warri Petrochemical company is back and better with 200 trucks of PMS loaded daily (remember only 18 were loading in Lagos as at last week) and that Port Harcourt refinery is doing well again. We need to see the impact at filling stations, the interface between the lengthy hierarchy and the masses.

Fuel Scarcity & Dollar exchange rate Update:

‘Nuff said. Fuel scarcity depends on areas. Some filling stations have a constant supply of fuel and are honest, some are not. It is no news that it is an offence to buy fuel in jerry cans (it is an offence to sell fuel to people in kegs), its equally an offence to buy fuel from black marketers, but in the last 4 weeks this has been the case. As the dollar now sells for 181 naira (official black market rate), 20 naira short of the highest all-time high, it is the black market guys who are having fun. Please read:

What happens in our filling stations nowadays.

http://lagosmet.com/blog/2009/05/nnpc-to-neutralize-fuel-scarcity-tomorrow-wed-6th-may-lagos/

Now inflation has every justifiable reason to exist. Markets are being scrapped in order to make Lagos beautiful, dollar don cost, fuel no dey. Tiny oranges now sell for 20 naira each, the bigger ones, 40 naira straight; imported apples, between 70 and 100 naira; Plantain, ah, please don’t go there; Yam, are you kidding me, Hello, are you in Lagos or Kwara? If you are a farmer living outside Lagos, my best advice for you is to load a truck and find your way here, the market is hungry, believe me, call me and i’ll buy. he he he (419’s beware).

Rain rain rain & Comedy

It’s raining again, BRT buses from Ojota to CMS, 150 Naira, LagBus with A/C, 200 naira only. Park your car at home and hit the BRT with your umbrella, I don’t know if you need A/C when it’s pouring heavily but the queues are shorter. Whether you drive or not, please read My tips for surviving the rainy season. The best selling non-white collar job in Lagos right now is comedy. Stand-up comedians and OAP’s (on air personalities) are swimming in millions – making more money than artistes, ‘high-class’ society sluts, gigolos and nollywood actors. It is commonplace for comedians to charge 500,000 naira per show (not so common though) and the good thing is that they get so many shows, an average of 5 per week. Do the math. As Nigerian football reaches an all-time pitiable condition, parents are now sending their wards to school of comedy, buying all the comedy series and begging other people to laugh when their wards crack jokes. Man gast to chop, dollar don cost.

And to think that Mohit Records (Dbanj’s) Suddenly and Close to you videos have been banned along with Tuface’s Enter the place and Kelly Handsome’s Maga don pay on radio. The last time Kerewa of Zule Zoo and Bang bang bang by Femi Kuti were banned, they sold like fire and won awards. Let’s see how they catapult these tracks already in high-demand into further glory. Rebranding Hypocrisy.

Bank Robberies on the rise.

Ah terrible news, I’ll post the pictures in my next topic, but brothers and sisters, bank robbers are now as plentiful as pick-pockets. It’s recession time and robbers are no longer wasting time having to force people to part with mobile phones and cars which they still have to resell, leaving that for the newing generation. They now go straight to the source. They can’t go to Nigerian Printing and Minting or the CBN, their best bet, the Retail banks.

LagosMet verdict: as the fuel scarcity situation fluctuates, some good days and more bad ones, we are still surviving. As the INEC plays into the hands of the government (who pays the piper, who dictates the tunes?) we are still surviving oh, my bros. As minimum wage remains N7,500 and an average House of Rep member goes home with an ‘official’ N172m (in case you thought it was a slip of keyboard, Over One hundred and seventy MILLION naira – not kobo) annually, my sister we still dey manage. Dollar cost, fuel cost, no job, market dry, food cost, dem thief my phone, dem rob me for bank, we still dey.

16 million people and counting, Lasgidi babe, we celebrate life – suffering and smiling.

Good day. The week ends tomorrow, remember Wednesday, May 27th – Children’s day, and Friday May 29th is Democracy day (public holiday). June 12 is another public holiday close by.

For the parents, I leave you with this video, a 2-year old girl with a big IQ (don’t blame those kids cos you gave them excess of Garri, Fufu and Pap).

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Governor Fashola

In Simon’s article, Understanding the Fashola Phenomenon, the relationship between Fashola and Tinubu clearly explains why Lagos is moving forward. He also compared the governor with other peers who have embarked on white elephant projects and like their predecessors have failed to make an impact. Please read on…

“Anytime someone pours encomium on Lagos State Governor Babatunde Fashola, I smile, mischievously. I’m usually amused because… Okay, I’ll come back to that shortly. A few days ago, I was, as usual, discussing Nigeria with a friend. He recently had a terrible experience with a government institution. “We can never get it right in this country,” he said in frustration. “Nigeria is doomed,” he proclaimed on top of his voice. I looked at him and said: “Fashola.” I could feel his anger melt down. Reluctantly, he replied: “You may have a point there.” What did I mean by “Fashola”? No, I was not saying Fashola was about to solve all our problems. But under two years, he has demonstrated a sense of urgency, commitment and focus. It is not just about the change he is bringing to Lagos, but also the promise he has shown. He is showing us clearly that we are not living in a hopeless society, that things can change and change for good. Fashola has renewed my hope that a new Nigeria is possible.
It is very easy to think Nigeria is doomed. I have agonised over this doom most of my adult life. It is very difficult to see hope. We hardly see the silver lining in a dark cloud; rather, we see a dark lining in a silver cloud, as someone said years ago. We are so frustrated and pessimistic that we don’t even see the opportunities and prospects that gawk at us. All we can see are problems and pains. You cannot blame the Nigerian. We appear to be helpless and hopeless. We are like a sheep without a shepherd. Therefore, whenever someone appreciates Fashola, I smile mischievously, as if saying: “Didn’t you say it is finished with Nigeria?” And believe it or not, there are a hundred Fasholas – educated, exposed, committed, focused and visionary – all over Nigeria who do not have the opportunity to shine because of our peculiar political structure.
The major difference, however, is that someone placed merit above political expediency and stuck out his neck for Fashola. I’m talking about Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu, the immediate past governor of Lagos State. Having ruled Lagos for eight turbulent years, during which he kept battling with the President Olusegun Obasanjo-led PDP troops who were hell-bent on capturing Lagos at any cost, Tinubu could easily have handed over to another politician. There were many of them around him, pressing him left, right and centre. He chose, instead, to throw his weight behind a certain Babatunde Raji Fashola who was unknown outside the Lagos corridors of power. Why did Tinubu settle for Fashola? Why did he choose to gamble on someone who had never been a councillor, much less a council chairman, in a society where we make jest of people like Pat Utomi because their political CV is not intimidating?
Tinubu opted for someone whose first exercise of executive power would be in the office of the governor of Lagos, the most chaotic and the most strategic state in Nigeria. Why? My guess is that Tinubu saw something in him which some of us did not see. My guess is that having laid out a beautiful plan for Lagos which he could not fully implement because of political expediency in the Obasanjo years, Tinubu was sincerely committed to getting a rightful successor who would carry out the assignment to a logical conclusion. He put merit above merriment, purpose above politics, reason above rhyme. I wish Obasanjo could honestly say the same regarding his own choice of successor.
Why is Fashola making progress? This should provide good PhD research topics for political scientists and maybe economists. Since I am a student of Governance and Development, I will look at the Lagos Model from my own bias. My write-up today should help us understand the Fashola Phenomenon and put things in proper perspective. We can then ask: what can the rest of Nigeria learn from this? The major obstacle to good governance in Nigeria, in my own opinion, is politics. You can replace that word with “politicking”. Many times, we have managed to produce good people in government but they end up as failures. Why? I suggest: the impediments caused by politicking. For you to succeed as a leader in Nigeria, you must get your politics and policy right. You may have good policies, but without the right politics you will fail. No matter how much we dislike politicians, we need them. You can never have politics without politicians. That is one. On the other hand, you may get all your politics right – pleasing some people, pummelling others, perfecting all the intrigues – but the society will never move forward if you do not have the right policies. You, therefore, cannot escape a happy marriage of politics and policy if you are to be an achiever.
Now here comes the Lagos Model. Fashola is the “technocrat” who handles governance, the finer details. Tinubu is the “godfather” who handles the politics, you know, the murky waters. They complement each other. Tinubu himself is a technocrat, to be sure, but the politician took the better part of him during his tenure as he had to fight off the PDP hawks. If Fashola begins to play politics today, governance will suffer. If he was interested in politicking, he could never have removed the traders from Oshodi. He could never have chased away those yellow buses from the highway. In Nigerian politics, the critical mass of voters will be found in markets and at motor parks. The real voters and foot soldiers are petty traders, bus drivers, conductors and touts. The conventional wisdom is that if you control the motor parks, you control the thugs; if you control the thugs, you control the polling booth; if you control the polling booth, you control the votes! That is why associations such as National Union of Road Transport Workers (NURTW) and Road Transport Employers Association of Nigeria (RTEAN) are very strategic to politicians and there is always a fierce battle to control them.
By taking these tough decisions, Fashola would have been committing political suicide. But, no, there is Tinubu to clean up the “mess” politically. This frees Fashola to retain his focus without much distraction. It is like in football: you have a defensive midfielder and an attacking midfielder – the former, like Tinubu, handles the defensive part of the job while the latter, like Fashola, is freed and creates goals for his team. Politics and policy, like we said, must be happily married if we are to enjoy good governance in this country. Fashola has never made any attempt to discredit his predecessor. I hear a lot of PDP people say: “It’s Tinubu’s programme that Fashola is implementing.” Pure rubbish. One of the biggest obstacles to our development is this mentality that you must discredit your predecessor and discontinue his programmes so that people would not say you don’t have your own ideas. Pure rubbish. Government is a continuum. If anything, policy reversals have done a lot of damage to the country, as we can see at the federal level.

Fashola and S.A.Ferguson

President Umaru Musa Yar’Adua came to office in May 2007, and – based on the advice of people who probably had selfish motives – he suspended the power projects, cancelled the Lagos-Kano rail contract and reversed the privatisation of refineries. Nearly two years after, Yar’Adua is going back to the same power and rail projects – and he now wants to privatise the refineries again. Precious time wasted for nothing! Does he know the billions of dollars and invaluable productivity we have lost as a result of this? Why must he reverse policies for the fun of it? All the talk about 6,000 megawatts today is based on the projects Obasanjo initiated in 2006! So why waste our time? This is very common all over Nigeria – new governors abandoning critical projects for selfish reasons. Fashola has proved to be wiser than most.
But can we replicate the Lagos Model all over Nigeria? For instance, would Dr. Chimaroke Nnamani have performed better as Enugu governor if he had faced governance and allowed Jim Nwobodo to handle the politics? That is the problem with modelling. What works in Sokoto may not work in Akwa Ibom and what works in Oyo may fail in Kogi. However, the fundamental truth cannot be altered – that “politics and policy” must be delicately balanced, happily married, if we are to make progress. Whether one person should handle the two or there should be “separation of powers” between the “politician” and the “technocrat” is what we can debate more extensively. However, the Lagos Model can work for Nigeria as witnessed under Obasanjo administration. Obasanjo, though a terrible politician who was obviously power drunk, managed to handle the politics while “technocrats” such as Prof. Chukwuma Soludo, Mrs Oby Ezekwesili, Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Mr. Bode Agusto, Dr. Mansur Muhtar and Mallam Nasir el-Rufai went about the business of governance. Obasanjo’s battle with his own contradictions might have discredited his government, but we certainly made some progress under his government.
Can we then toy with the idea of a “politician” President and a “technocratic” VP in 2011? Technocrats have their failings, just like politicians too, so we need a balance. Somehow, I think Nigeria’s redemption will benefit tremendously by learning from the Lagos Model. It’s a phenomenon we should give serious consideration to, as we battle to create a new Nigeria.”

Joke of the day: African Remix Video (Beyonce put a ring on it) All the single ladies spoof

and Don’t put that ring on it (Spoof Video)

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Fellow Lagosians,

Lagos Teachers make or break?

It is with a heavy heart that I write this piece. My hands are shaking and numb but write I must. As Kwara celebrated the strike suspension (http://allafrica.com/stories/200903060223.html) on Thursday, 5th of March 2009, National Union of Teachers NUT, Ilupeju, Lagos were engaged in showdown talks with Lagos only to finalise on Friday that teachers would have to resume work and the impromptu holiday had to come to an end (http://www.234next.com/csp/cms/sites/Next/Home/5390974-146/Lagos_teachers_call_off_strike_.csp). Kwara got what they asked for and negotiation with the Government was fruitful, but in Lagos, Africa’s “most populous” city, the teachers were threatened.

Not a death threat though, not blackmail for treason, nope. Now listen to the diplomatic, political threat:

“In order to give you what you have demanded from us, we MUST downsize and sack many of you!”

Osenobua! The statement, just a sentence can be translated into different versions, King James Version inclusive. Elizabethan would look somehow like:

“Thou shalt surely lose thy source of livelihood if it pleaseth thee in thine heart that thy neighbour shalt add more to his herd!”

and Hebrew, and NIV, and CEV, and Arabic… No matter which version, the point is clearer in the hip hop version:

“We just have to rob Peter to pay Paul so we can give Paul’s money to Caesar!”.

The teachers only asked for a 27.5% increase in the face of inflation, credit crunch and devaluation of our currency, the naira, and have now been forced not to call off but to “suspend” the strike and return to work. The students are bound to suffer some setback anyway.

Now my take on this. I think the NUT should allow the Government sack as many teachers as they can. I’ve been to public schools, teachers are just not enough. The government will be forced to employ more teachers with time as it becomes very obvious that the current number of teachers are not enough to help the ever growing influx of pupils into public schools. Also, people are bound to retire yearly, thereby freeing up more employment slots.

If teachers continue to teach without their hearts in their craft, we are bound to produce the worst generation of students ever, and that won’t be nice for the streets. The ones who will eventually suffer for this historic, cruel act will be you and me who ply the streets of Lagos everyday.

Ps: Dollar – Naira, Black market/ Street price at $1 to 190 naira.

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Are you looking for job? Are you sure you can weather the storm? Can you sell ice in Iceland? Are you sure you really need a job? Are you that hungry? Have you contemplated returning to the village or committing suicide? Do you still pay your tithe/offering? Are you tired of living in this country?

Brothers and sisters, the three eyed monster is staring at you right in the face at the moment. This Credit Crunch period is staring at everyone in the face and people wake up every morning not sure of the kind of drama set to unfold in the office today. Good morning is now just “morning” and goodbye is now let’s see what happens tomorrow. Are people now living in fear? Or is the world finally coming to an end? Many are fast seeing Obama and his mission of Hope as the much expected Anti-Christ and the world has never found itself in such a dire need for a saviour than now. Everyone wants to put this period behind them, but how?

There are two sides of the story, people suffering and people living large. You should know that someone stands to gain something from this or better still, some people put us in this tight situation… and like the one who invented HIV, may no longer be cool with this gameplan. Is it backfiring like a two edged sword and a boomerang?

Throughout 2008, Nigeria watched as the whole world screamed out in pain of the crunch but towards the end of the year, the country began feeling the impact. Last year was the mortgage year from cars to electronics, real estate and education but nowadays more and more people are becoming reluctant to taking loans. People are losing jobs and “current” salary accounts meant to stand as sureties either in form of post-dated cheques or direct debit are no longer sure. A top bank recently ordered all banks to “secretly” submit the names of 5 individuals (per branch) to be laid off in order to cut the wage bill. Besides security, luxury projects such as beautification, IP Telephony, Contact Centres, Equipment upgrade e.t.c. are being put on hold by most companies. It is only a matter of time before Nigerian companies will begin to file for bankruptcy (Like Telecom OEM, Nortel Canada did). And if you are thinking of taking a loan right now, you better watch out. Those who took loans at 17% (for 36 months) have been notified to start paying 24% as from the month of March e.g. First Bank. Stanbic IBTC are claiming 22% but the fact remains that interest rates have skyrocketed and banks are trying hard to cut losses. Watch out for quarterly reports.

I have to run now, I would say if we get out of this situation soon then many “wise” ones are likely to be rich for a very long time. Now is the time to start investing in things that will likely appreciate after this era. Credit crunch sounds like something to munch but it isn’t that crunchy. The only job vacancy right now is you thinking with your head and educating yourself in the direction of the crunch, lest you find yourself crumbling at the monster’s feet at turbo speed, albeit unplanned.

Peace.

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