Happy New Year all,

It is my helpless displeasure to announce to you that you may be asked to ’strip naked’ to US Airport officials as from today. They may even request to shave your… erm… erm hair, so do yourself a big favour by shaving “that” before travelling. Wash your panties, dirty boxers and your bra, you may be asked to strip on a long queue (you know we Nigerians sabi travel). Don’t wear a Ralph suit and Oshodi boxers, same goes for stockings (socks). If you sweat a lot, please get some good quality cotton singlet. The search is “extensive” they say, so expect to spend at least 60 minutes upon arrival. Book the Taxi cab/ Appointment accordingly. The sky is our limit, we are constantly re-branding Nigeria. Although corruption has reduced (that’s what they said) we have moved up in other departments. Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab’s suicide bombing issue, barring.

In Yahoo News, the words were politically, diplomatically and wisely selected but they mean “plenty”, see:

“Beginning Monday, air travelers flying into the United States from Saudi Arabia, Nigeria, Yemen and other “countries of interest” will be subjected to enhanced screening techniques, such as body scans, pat-downs and a thorough search of carry-on luggage. Passengers are subjected to special screening, including full body searches, in a designated area of the departure lounge, said the spokesman, Sultan Hasan.

My major concern is that I have a phobia for scanning machines. I know that frequent subjection to scanning rays could be detrimental to the human health on the long run. I have said time and before that I would someday consider changing Nationality and if tomorrow I claim to be Togolese, please don’t blame me, I’d rather be Ghanian than face this humiliation and phobia come true. Someone once said “There is NO single benefit of being a Nigerian” and I say to you today. There is at least one. No fuel, no jobs, no food, no water, no money, no reputation, no this, no that, but there is TIME (don’t hiss, every country has 24 hours and whatever you do with YOUR 24 hours…)! Dora, hope I made sense?

What a “perfect” way to start the new year!

Sources: http://rubminds.com/forums/world-news/nigerian-terrorist/

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_airline_security

SHOCKING REVELATION: Sanusi may not be acting in our interest after all. Chances are that he and Waziri of the EFCC are only protecting northern interest and are being used as tools to carry out the northern agenda since Soludo removed the Arabic language from the Naira. Please read on:

Vanguard on 23 March 2009, did a world exclusive on alleged plot by a group of individuals to take over five banks in the country.

Two weeks ago, the new Central Bank of Nigeria Governor, Mallam Sanusi Lamido Sanusi sacked the chief executives and boards of five banks, therefore confirming our scoop of March 23.

The story:ANTI-CONSOLIDATION forces have regrouped with the hope of dismantling the structures and forcing a takeover of the top five banks in the country, Vanguard can now reveal. The grand plan by the group is to cause panic and uncertainty in the industry and make the target banks look unsafe for depositors

Meantime, indications emerged yesterday that the Federal Government may announce the names of a new Governor of the Central Bank (CBN) and the Auditor-General of the Federation (AGF) in April just a few weeks before the tenure of the incumbents run out.

However, the Arewa Consultative Forum (ACF) has expressed concern over what it described as the rapidly deteriorating liquidity situation in the banking industry and tasked the Central Bank (CBN) to make public information on causes of the development as well as the scale of the crisis.

Vanguard investigations revealed that the aim of the anti-consolidation forces is to cause loss of public confidence in the banking industry and compel the Federal Government to move in by injecting funds. Further, they ultimately plan to instigate government to take equity holdings in the targeted banks.

Vanguard gathered that the group at work is made up of former bank owners who lost out during the consolidation exercise, a powerful clique in the present government, and some aggrieved persons in three of the six geopolitical zones in the country who felt left out in the consolidation exercise.

Presidency sources disclosed that those who felt left out in the consolidation exercise are up in arms to recoup what they felt they lost during Obasanjo years.

Part of the plans hatched by the group is to ensure that the incumbent Governor of the Central Bank, Professor Chukwuma Soludo, does not get a second term. The plan is also to ensure that whatever gains consolidation recorded are discredited.

This, it was learnt, was meant to force the President to act quickly in the matter of appointment of a successor to Soludo as they anticipate that the president’s slow move may scuttle their dreams and cause the renewal of Soludo’s re-appointment for a second term.

The group’s second game plan is to make Nigerian banks look unsafe in the eye of the banking public. Part of the game is to spread rumours that some banks are unsound and are on the verge of collapse. They send out text messages to individuals and account holders passing wrong information on their target banks. At the moment, the group’s target is one of the high-flying new generation banks where they have sent out several messages.

New CBN Gov, Auditor-General to emerge April

The tenure of the CBN Governor, Professor Chukwuma Soludo and Auditor-General of the Federation, Mr. O. R. Ejenavi from Delta State will lapse in May 2009.

Naming nominees for the top jobs, according to a presidency source, will afford the Senate ample opportunity to work on them before they assume office.

While Soludo will complete his first term in office as CBN governor by May 29, Ejenavi will be due for retirement on age grounds on May 18.

However, among those being considered for the position of CBN governor include the Minister of National Planning, Dr Shamsuddeen Usman from Kano, who was a former Finance minister and deputy governor at the apex bank; another former CBN deputy governor, Obadiah Mailafia from Nassarawa, Mallam Isa Hayatudeen from Borno, a former managing director of FSB International Bank, incumbent Managing Director of First Bank, Mallam Sanusi Lamido Sanusi, also from Kano, and Mallam Falalu Bello from Kaduna, Managing Director, Unity Bank.

But the most touted name so far is that of Mallam Isa Yuguda, the Bauchi State governor who won election on the platform of the All Nigeria peoples Party, ANPP, but defected to the ruling PDP last week. Yuguda is also an in-law of President Umaru Yar’Adua. Yuguda was also a former Managing Director of Inland Bank, a legacy bank in post-consolidation FinBank.

Past CBN governors include late Dr. Clement Isong (Akwa-Ibom), Alhaji Adamu Ciroma (Yobe); Mr. Ola Vincent (Lagos), late Alhaji Abdulkadir Ahmed (Bauchi); Mr. Paul Ogwuma (Abia), Dr. Joseph Sanusi (Ondo) and the current Professor Charles Soludo (Anambra).

It was also gathered that strict obedience to civil service rules will be observed in the appointment of a new Auditor General for the Federation going by the constitutional provision.

Section 86 Subsection 1 of the 1999 constitution states: “the Auditor-General for the Federation shall be appointed by the President on the recommendation of the Federal Civil Service Commission, subject to the confirmation of the Senate.”

That of the CBN may be determined by other factors, mostly political considerations which are at the pleasure of the President without recourse to the commission.

The most senior director in the office of the Auditor-General currently is Mr. Ogunsina G.F from Ekiti State who may be appointed unless there is political maneuvering. Having been a director since 2004, it may not be smooth sailing for Ogunsina because, there is another senior civil servant Mr. Osonuga T. A. from Ogun State who was promoted a director in 2007 and is being propelled by other forces to occupy the office.

It’s unfortunate top 5 banks are targeted, says official

A CBN official who spoke on condition of anonymity said that it is unfortunate that top five banks are the target. The banks, he said, are sound. The CBN had mistaken in the past the ongoing move as de-marketing by competitors in the banking industry, saying it is unhealthy competition.

The group is using this means to make depositors panic and undertake massive withdrawal of funds from the targeted banks in an attempt to cause liquidity problem in the bank. In that state they hope to cause a take over by the government which may buy a stake in the bank and later sell to members of the privileged group who may be appointed in the interim into the board of the banks.

Arewa worries over liquidity problem

However, the Arewa Consultative Forum (ACF) expressed concern over what it described as the rapidly deteriorating liquidity situation in the banking industry and tasked the Central Bank (CBN) to inform the people the cause of the development as well as the scale of the crisis.

ACF said that the commercial banks must have obviously lent too much money to people who either invested them in buying stocks or in the importation of petroleum products in the country, but are unable to repay such loans.

A statement signed by the National Publicity Secretary of the Forum, Mr. Anthony Sani however blamed the CBN for enquiring “into the volume of the so-called toxic assets of the commercial banks while refusing to tell Nigerians how or why in the first place, the banks found themselves in trouble.

The statement reads “The Working Committee of the National Executive Council of the Arewa Consultative Forum (ACF) held its meeting at its national headquarters in Kaduna on Tuesday, the 17th of March 2009. In attendance were all National officers of the ACF drawn from the 19 northern states and the Federal Capital Territory (FCT). General IBM Haruna, the Chairman presided.

“Among other things, the meeting reviewed and discussed a number of issues and other troubling developments in the country. At the end, it resolved to issue the following statement.

“The ACF deliberated on the rapidly deteriorating liquidity situation in the banking industry and observed that Nigerians are feeling increasingly frustrated by the failure of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) to disclose the true the true nature and the scale of the crisis.

“Even members of the National Assembly, despite their best efforts, have been unable to get to the truth of the matter.
According to Arewa consultative forum “All that seem obvious is that our commercial banks had lent out too much money to too many people who had invested them in stocks or petroleum importation but who are now unable to pay back. Beyond that, the public has no clear idea as how or why the loans were given and on what terms.”

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2009/08/26/group-plots-takeover-of-five-top-banks/comment-page-13/

Lagos Eyo Festival in Pictures, Tafawa Balewa Square TBS, Lagos Nigeria. April 25th, 2009.

Lagos: Eyo Festival, taxi, okada or danfo banned on Island, 25th Apr, 09 Eko, Lagos Nigeria. Lagos will attract media attention from the world tomorrow, Saturday, 25th of April 09 (no environmental sanitation exercise) as the Eyo Masquerades file out in Lagos Island to compete (to win 1 million, 750k and 500k), honour late Chief TOS Benson of Ikorodu and thrill tourists and spectators. With the kind of media attention, publicity and importance attached to the festival, Governor Fashola has stepped in big time to ensure orderliness, safety and security of visitors, tourists and spectators. The Eyo does not cross water therefore, the Tafawa Balewa Square (TBS) will be the last touch and the final venue.

According to The Punch, “The state government has also barred all commercial buses, taxis and motorcycles from entering Lagos Island on the day of the festival.” 1060 Policemen, 310 BRT and LAGBUS buses, 100 Black Marias are ways of beefing up security and efficiently transporting tourists and observers. You are warned to refrain from smoking cigarettes and pipes near the masquerades, taking of photographs or wearing caps near the Eyo is prohibited.

According to 234next, “This time around the state government has introduced a prize that may well rev up the competitive spirit the more. “The government informed us at a meeting early today that the family that wins the parade (at the Tafawa Balewa Square) this year will be awarded the sum of one million naira. The second prize is N750, 000, while the third prize is N500, 000,” Dehinde Onimole, clarifies when it is his turn to address the meeting.” The Eyo Festival used to be violent in the past but henceforth it will be more colourful, like the Brazil or Calabar Carnival. See the list of Nigerian Festivals.

LagosMet Verdict: The event promises to be very colourful and roads will most likely be sealed on Lagos Island, broad street, Ikoyi and environs. If you must attend the festival, you should leave home early. The monthly environmental sanitation exercise has been called off meaning you can move even after 7:00am. You may as well sit back and watch the entire coverage on TV – safer and less stressful (that’s what i’m going to do). Emotions are running high now in the spirit of the Eyo Festival, I won’t advice partying tonight, or driving late, anything can happen, especially at Apongbon, Carter Bridge, Adekunle and Obalende. I wish all the people and Friends of Lagos a happy Eyo Festival.

In Simon’s article, Understanding the Fashola Phenomenon, the relationship between Fashola and Tinubu clearly explains why Lagos is moving forward. He also compared the governor with other peers who have embarked on white elephant projects and like their predecessors have failed to make an impact. Please read on…

“Anytime someone pours encomium on Lagos State Governor Babatunde Fashola, I smile, mischievously. I’m usually amused because… Okay, I’ll come back to that shortly. A few days ago, I was, as usual, discussing Nigeria with a friend. He recently had a terrible experience with a government institution. “We can never get it right in this country,” he said in frustration. “Nigeria is doomed,” he proclaimed on top of his voice. I looked at him and said: “Fashola.” I could feel his anger melt down. Reluctantly, he replied: “You may have a point there.” What did I mean by “Fashola”? No, I was not saying Fashola was about to solve all our problems. But under two years, he has demonstrated a sense of urgency, commitment and focus. It is not just about the change he is bringing to Lagos, but also the promise he has shown. He is showing us clearly that we are not living in a hopeless society, that things can change and change for good. Fashola has renewed my hope that a new Nigeria is possible.
It is very easy to think Nigeria is doomed. I have agonised over this doom most of my adult life. It is very difficult to see hope. We hardly see the silver lining in a dark cloud; rather, we see a dark lining in a silver cloud, as someone said years ago. We are so frustrated and pessimistic that we don’t even see the opportunities and prospects that gawk at us. All we can see are problems and pains. You cannot blame the Nigerian. We appear to be helpless and hopeless. We are like a sheep without a shepherd. Therefore, whenever someone appreciates Fashola, I smile mischievously, as if saying: “Didn’t you say it is finished with Nigeria?” And believe it or not, there are a hundred Fasholas – educated, exposed, committed, focused and visionary – all over Nigeria who do not have the opportunity to shine because of our peculiar political structure.
The major difference, however, is that someone placed merit above political expediency and stuck out his neck for Fashola. I’m talking about Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu, the immediate past governor of Lagos State. Having ruled Lagos for eight turbulent years, during which he kept battling with the President Olusegun Obasanjo-led PDP troops who were hell-bent on capturing Lagos at any cost, Tinubu could easily have handed over to another politician. There were many of them around him, pressing him left, right and centre. He chose, instead, to throw his weight behind a certain Babatunde Raji Fashola who was unknown outside the Lagos corridors of power. Why did Tinubu settle for Fashola? Why did he choose to gamble on someone who had never been a councillor, much less a council chairman, in a society where we make jest of people like Pat Utomi because their political CV is not intimidating?
Tinubu opted for someone whose first exercise of executive power would be in the office of the governor of Lagos, the most chaotic and the most strategic state in Nigeria. Why? My guess is that Tinubu saw something in him which some of us did not see. My guess is that having laid out a beautiful plan for Lagos which he could not fully implement because of political expediency in the Obasanjo years, Tinubu was sincerely committed to getting a rightful successor who would carry out the assignment to a logical conclusion. He put merit above merriment, purpose above politics, reason above rhyme. I wish Obasanjo could honestly say the same regarding his own choice of successor.
Why is Fashola making progress? This should provide good PhD research topics for political scientists and maybe economists. Since I am a student of Governance and Development, I will look at the Lagos Model from my own bias. My write-up today should help us understand the Fashola Phenomenon and put things in proper perspective. We can then ask: what can the rest of Nigeria learn from this? The major obstacle to good governance in Nigeria, in my own opinion, is politics. You can replace that word with “politicking”. Many times, we have managed to produce good people in government but they end up as failures. Why? I suggest: the impediments caused by politicking. For you to succeed as a leader in Nigeria, you must get your politics and policy right. You may have good policies, but without the right politics you will fail. No matter how much we dislike politicians, we need them. You can never have politics without politicians. That is one. On the other hand, you may get all your politics right – pleasing some people, pummelling others, perfecting all the intrigues – but the society will never move forward if you do not have the right policies. You, therefore, cannot escape a happy marriage of politics and policy if you are to be an achiever.
Now here comes the Lagos Model. Fashola is the “technocrat” who handles governance, the finer details. Tinubu is the “godfather” who handles the politics, you know, the murky waters. They complement each other. Tinubu himself is a technocrat, to be sure, but the politician took the better part of him during his tenure as he had to fight off the PDP hawks. If Fashola begins to play politics today, governance will suffer. If he was interested in politicking, he could never have removed the traders from Oshodi. He could never have chased away those yellow buses from the highway. In Nigerian politics, the critical mass of voters will be found in markets and at motor parks. The real voters and foot soldiers are petty traders, bus drivers, conductors and touts. The conventional wisdom is that if you control the motor parks, you control the thugs; if you control the thugs, you control the polling booth; if you control the polling booth, you control the votes! That is why associations such as National Union of Road Transport Workers (NURTW) and Road Transport Employers Association of Nigeria (RTEAN) are very strategic to politicians and there is always a fierce battle to control them.
By taking these tough decisions, Fashola would have been committing political suicide. But, no, there is Tinubu to clean up the “mess” politically. This frees Fashola to retain his focus without much distraction. It is like in football: you have a defensive midfielder and an attacking midfielder – the former, like Tinubu, handles the defensive part of the job while the latter, like Fashola, is freed and creates goals for his team. Politics and policy, like we said, must be happily married if we are to enjoy good governance in this country. Fashola has never made any attempt to discredit his predecessor. I hear a lot of PDP people say: “It’s Tinubu’s programme that Fashola is implementing.” Pure rubbish. One of the biggest obstacles to our development is this mentality that you must discredit your predecessor and discontinue his programmes so that people would not say you don’t have your own ideas. Pure rubbish. Government is a continuum. If anything, policy reversals have done a lot of damage to the country, as we can see at the federal level.

President Umaru Musa Yar’Adua came to office in May 2007, and – based on the advice of people who probably had selfish motives – he suspended the power projects, cancelled the Lagos-Kano rail contract and reversed the privatisation of refineries. Nearly two years after, Yar’Adua is going back to the same power and rail projects – and he now wants to privatise the refineries again. Precious time wasted for nothing! Does he know the billions of dollars and invaluable productivity we have lost as a result of this? Why must he reverse policies for the fun of it? All the talk about 6,000 megawatts today is based on the projects Obasanjo initiated in 2006! So why waste our time? This is very common all over Nigeria – new governors abandoning critical projects for selfish reasons. Fashola has proved to be wiser than most.
But can we replicate the Lagos Model all over Nigeria? For instance, would Dr. Chimaroke Nnamani have performed better as Enugu governor if he had faced governance and allowed Jim Nwobodo to handle the politics? That is the problem with modelling. What works in Sokoto may not work in Akwa Ibom and what works in Oyo may fail in Kogi. However, the fundamental truth cannot be altered – that “politics and policy” must be delicately balanced, happily married, if we are to make progress. Whether one person should handle the two or there should be “separation of powers” between the “politician” and the “technocrat” is what we can debate more extensively. However, the Lagos Model can work for Nigeria as witnessed under Obasanjo administration. Obasanjo, though a terrible politician who was obviously power drunk, managed to handle the politics while “technocrats” such as Prof. Chukwuma Soludo, Mrs Oby Ezekwesili, Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Mr. Bode Agusto, Dr. Mansur Muhtar and Mallam Nasir el-Rufai went about the business of governance. Obasanjo’s battle with his own contradictions might have discredited his government, but we certainly made some progress under his government.
Can we then toy with the idea of a “politician” President and a “technocratic” VP in 2011? Technocrats have their failings, just like politicians too, so we need a balance. Somehow, I think Nigeria’s redemption will benefit tremendously by learning from the Lagos Model. It’s a phenomenon we should give serious consideration to, as we battle to create a new Nigeria.”

Joke of the day: African Remix Video (Beyonce put a ring on it) All the single ladies spoof

and Don’t put that ring on it (Spoof Video)

The world’s best place to live in, the worst place to work

I tried real hard not to discuss this topic but I have since found myself caught in the middle of such arguments initiated by first time visitors to Lagos. Work is still on going and I sincerely believe Lagos will be the best place on earth to work when issues such as security, drainage and traffic have been resolved.

AOL’s survey: http://video.aol.com/video-detail/lagos-voted-worst-place-to-work/2278408703/?icid=VIDLRVNWS04 reported that voters decided human beings should not work in Lagos.

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Result:

No. 1 Lagos, Nigeria

Overall Grade: Very High Risk Location
Severe Problems: Infrastructure, Crime
Major Problems: Pollution, Disease & Sanitation, Medical Facilities, Availability of Goods and Services
Other Problems: Climate, Education Facilities, Physical Remoteness, Political Violence & Repression, Political & Social Environment, Culture & Recreation
LagosMet Problems: All these in our Lagos Naija alone?

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Where do I start from? Talking about expatriates (cos they obviously participated in the voting process), war-torn countries such as Sudan, Iraq, Columbia, Liberia e.t.c miraculously failed to produce a City to top this “overblown” report and places such as Gaza, Darfur e.t.c. are not as bad as Lagos. Interesting innit? Apapa, V.I., Ikoyi, Surulere, Ilupeju harbour lots of expatriates from Americans, Europeans to Asians, South Americans and Africans. Lebanese, Japanese, Indian and Chinese are known to be notorious employers but are still making it big in Lagos and we are yet to see a massive exodus of such people. Many of them have settled in Lagos, have their spiritual places of worship and even contribute to the society and local organizations. They have their Schools (Indian School, Ilupeju, American International School, British International School, The Chinese School… and so on) and even have their vegetable markets. Even when Kidnapping seems to be the order of the day, expatriates are rarely kidnapped in Lagos.

We already know our roads need massive repairs, and power supply is almost non-existent, but we have tried our best to accomodate foreigners; why the negative report? From Y-not to Eko Hotel, Kuramo to Galleria, our “night fighters” have kept them warm in the land of heat, some even got married and had kids by them. Mobil for example have a huge staff quarters on Ligali Ayorinde, right next to their HQ. Chevron already have a similar structure somewhere around 4th round about, with members of staff (foreigners) relaxing comfortably in their sofas while others have staff buses and the rest is all history. Lagos is relatively peaceful.

The voters certainly had something else against Lagos beyond this and this is no good news to rebrand Nigeria. I think it’s time to rebrand Lagos and let our expatriates know that the best way to move our Metro forward is not to go to AOL or ABC or Business Week to say “Hey Fellas, Lagos is your Bermudas Triangle!”. They have probably tasted our food, visited our Hotels, Strip-clubs, Night Clubs, Coliseums, and Malls, and Gallerias and our wines and champaignes but have handed us a bottle of Napalm in return. We all know many of the problems we have in Lagos, but please (Joor Oh!) it’s not so so bad.

Eko o ni baje!

Work from home or beat the Credit Crunch in Lagos?

Now the world is screaming disaster, recession, crunch, bla bla bla, but I did tell you earlier that some jobs won’t feel the crunch in a long time. I’m not talking about established sectors such as the Health, Teaching and food industry in general, I’m talking about self-made or skill-based jobs.

I’m looking at Lagos specifically, though without research to prove this, I just think some people won’t lose jobs but will instead get richer. They are:

1. Teaching: Hopefully they get their pay rise, they have really safer jobs as parents must indeed seek other means of providing the neck-breaking school fees even when they have no job. This includes primary, secondary, tertiary and private instructors (including ICT certifications, professional and foreign exams).

2. Oil Marketing: Of course, they’ve made the quickest money in the past and are not about giving up anytime soon and with government policies leaving us at their mercy, I think they’ve only just begun. God gave them strong hands and fingers to milk us hard till our “teats” turn red right before the very eyes of the Government… “God pass dem”

3. Transportation: Okay Fashola’s reforms aren’t probably favoring owners of Okada, Danfo, Molue and Keke Napep but things are still very okay for people in this sector. The cost of a low quality crash helmet is somewhere around 1,800 naira but even with fuel prices reduced to 65 naira, trust Lagos, prices of things NEVER go down even if world prices crash to an all time low, they’d rather reach for the Everest in Lagos.

4. Health: be it some herbal guy, a “Chemist” or some certified group of peeps, someone somewhere somehow must make that money cos “health is wealth”. People MUST take care of their bodies or die prematurely. Accidents are inevitable and to the advantage of Nurse, Doctors and health workers generally, the crunch means little. Gynae’s still make bucks, and Surgeons (Cosmetic? well they make bursts of bucks occasionally) too but no matter how crunchy the recession is, people must have sex and that’s why sex products sell the most. You know what I’m talking? Dildos, tightening creams, enlargement formulas, horse power mixtures, spanish flies, pheromones, just name it (you know the red light districts dontcha! – Allen Avenue and Co)! Lest I forget, General Hospital, Lagos pays Doctors on House Job around 77,000 naira a month. Luth pays well over 110,000 naira. Doctors, una get mouth! I think Death has to come in here as well. People still spend a lot on burial ceremonies and mortuaries are still filled up cos like births, deaths are natural. Coffin makers, vault sellers, corpse transporters and private mortuaries, cemetaries and organizers are making their bucks, as usual.

5. Real Estate and HR Consulting: I grouped these together they are hot like fire! People are constantly moving, changing locations due to change in status, security and safety, flood, road network, family expansion, income dictates, e.t.c. and as usual Agents are constantly inflating agreement fees and lease prices are at an all time high in all locations within (and beyond) Lagos. Some fear this sector will crash after the stock disaster but I sincerely doubt this. Lagos Land laws adhere to the 100-year general long lease status of the C-of-O (Certificate of Ownership) but people want this to be lower to help cut down on the skyrocketing costs of acquiring landed property. HR Consulting is also helping companies select specific “good-to-go” job seekers requiring less training and ready to fit into the system. As usual they are getting in some cases up to 40% of the employee’s salary as agreed between the recruiting agency and the employer. You get the picture? Ain’t that crunchy?

6. Law. Hmmmm, often depicted as poor, tattered and unfortunate, some wise lawyers are still in business and are not going down any time soon. Criminal law is really dangerous as it involves politics but the ones really making huge money especially during this recession are those working on real estate projects. More profitable innit? Choose wisely!

7. Kidnapping: I hate to include this in the list but you’ll be amazed at the surging rate of kidnapping in the state (it’s really a kind of work-from-home sham). We just have to face it, it’s fast becoming a full-time job for job seekers who are scared to rob a bank. People go into churches, creches, schools, eateries, parks, malls and pick at random (or sometimes based on insider tip) a child or sometimes an adult (a wife, son, husband, daughter or even grannies) and demand millions of naira from the breadwinner (make no mistake…, this is rather common in the Niger Delta region where expatriates fall victim to hefty demands). They threaten brimstone and fire including killing the hostage but eventually negotiate a much lower price (usually inside 3 days) without the involvement of the police. Armed robbery is somewhere more dangerous than this though and is kinda like work-from-home too and is a predominant occurence in some parts of Lagos ranging from armed pick-pockets to phone snatchers, burglars and car snatchers! Sadly, many such cases are not reported to the police, or the media until victims experience a relapse. I hope we have strict laws in place addressing this aspect?

http://www.vanguardngr.com/content/view/25023/122/

8. Advertising: my, my, my, you expect to survive the credit crunch right? You need to push your brand into the market, make sales and take advantage of tilts in the battle ground. SO&U, CMC Connect, Rosaab and Vigeo are some of the top players. This helps the broadcasting media as radio, TV, print (including printers), internet e.t.c.

9. Webmasters/Developers: Yes! I’m not talking about bloggers or template-based (DIY) “consumers”, I mean people who build custom web based apps, sites, databases and communities. Undergraduates are likely to develop in this regard to bolster their chances of surviving after school as this skill-set is bound to increase in demand in coming years regardless of the credit Punch. If you are getting worried about job security, start going something web-wards, and you’ll be the one pitying your employer. LoL. Sounds funny but it’s the truth. There are many ideas out there, go see for yourself and don’t expect me to spoon-feed you all the time.

10. Lag Nollywood: Of course no matter how daft, movies still sell, if not, we wont keep having 10,000 home videos released per month. Artistes releasing albums or singles stand a much greater risk if they neither appeal to the market nor get radio and TV DJ’s (disk jockeys) to help give a push. To find yourself in the ranks of Jenifa or Yinka Ayefele requires sheer quality, hard work and perseverance but it is the producers/managers who go home with the bulk. Sign a promising artiste and you are sure to make your money someday. Timaya, I hail o!

11. Comedy/MCing: You won’t believe how much these guys rake in per week, and prices are ever going up. A comedian has a PS/3 or an X-box and plays this all week long. He has a manager (sometimes a dubious one who tells you his client is booked but if you pay double he can cancel the other appointment) who charge between 150,000 naira and 1 million naira for 2 hours! Basket Mouth, AY, abi i lie? It’s not that easy though, considering these guys have come a long way, but unlike Musicians, you are not allowed to repeat jokes as they quickly become dry. Tuface can sing African Queen from show to show but they must improvise otherwise, people won’t laugh, yet this is one of the most lucrative jobs in the Metropolis – not affected by the PUNCH!

12. Food/Fast Food: do people have a choice, they just have to eat. People are really cost conscious so it boils down to who provides the best meal, service at the lowest price. I’m not advertising but we already know who are taking their customers serious and who aren’t. As for food stuffs and Iya Basira’s I don’t think they have a problem with the recession anyway cos people just have to eat!

13. Private Security: People really don’t wanna die even in these hard times, people still eat, watch their health and want to be safe from the “owners”. Private security outfits are smiling to the bank, like HR Consultants.

Have to stop here, cos it’s well past my bedtime and I’m off to work in the morning (I love my job!). I’ll rate the “professions” tomorrow from first to last. I told you already, I’m a router with a tickling time bomb. Happy new week, and if you are on leave, wow, I envy you cos the rains have returned but please make money while you aren’t at work. It’s important.

The following links lend credence to this argument and can help you further in this regard.

http://education.yahoo.net/degrees/articles/featured_careers_that_can_fight_recession.html

http://education.yahoo.net/degrees/articles/featured_seven_surprising_stay_home_salaries.html

Victimization report by Cleen Foundation: http://www.cleen.org/LAGOS%20CRIME%20SURVEY.pdf

… put your ring fingers up.

It’s kinda like a Lagos anthem now. If you’ve been going out with your guy for more than two years then I can bet you are probably consciously/unconsciously singing this song every minute. Not like Beyonce got a ring (the video didn’t reflect the lyrics) but the message is loud and clear.

“If you like it BETTER put a ring on it”

Can an average Lagosian put food the size of a ring in his mouth let alone a metal in a babe’s finger? Okay do babes mind, we have plastic/rubber rings too. LoL. Obviously she’s talking marriage really, not engagement and not just a ring. If I understand the last part, she says get serious with me, quit playing around and be responsible. I’m not a Beyonce fan but I do not like the way people go about saying the song is crap.

“Pull me into your arms
Say I’m the one you want
If you don’t, you’ll be alone
And like a ghost I’ll be gone?”

In if i were a boy, the message is clearer. Treat ladies with respect or lose them, only that it just doesnt work that way in this part of the world. Some ladies are stuck due to peer pressure, lack of cash, trips, suitors or common sense! How else do you explain 21st Century Polygamy?

“But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand (Yeah you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed”

My advice to single ladies: please work hard and don’t depend on no man. People like Ne-yo do not hide their love for a woman who can live (not just survive) on her own and the truth is the relationship is more open (should I just say balanced) when neither depends on the other, materially?

Video Links

Put a ring on it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mVEGfH4s5g&feature=related

If i were a boy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVTyLqkez6A&feature=channel_page

Spoof version (don’t put a ring on it) : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kF1VgQh_3nQ&feature=related

Enjoy your Thursday,

1.X