Interswitch website warning!

Don’t fall for the Interswitch ATM/Debit Card Scam!

This scam (perpetrated by our Yahoo Yahoo! boys who are fast running out of options – www.419eater.com) has been around for a while now especially since the inception of webpay which made e-commerce possible in Nigeria. The ATM/Debit Card is the only equivalent of the Western Credit Card only that it is prepaid. Naturally, you’d expect the ATM card to be very secure since you need a PIN and a physical provider (Interswitch, E-tranzact) card with preference for Interswitch (being more popular), but websites such as Buyright.biz, rechargenigeria.com, reloadng.com and deoluakinyemi all allow you to pay for goods and services from the comfort of your internet-connected device, just by punching your card number and PIN. In some cases, you get an SMS confirming the transaction, and in some other cases (especially if you are yet to subscribe to SMS alerts) you don’t get any alert. On interswitch’s official website (http://interswitchng.com), you could even transfer from one interswitch card account to another (not sure if this is still possible). Our fraudsters promptly rose to the occasion to explore the holes in the loops, GTB was one of the worst hit, and they reacted instantly by blocking the use of their ATM cards on websites.

It’s quite unfortunate that till today, many still fall for this trap. Look at the mail below: a scammer sends a mail asking you to click on a link to interswitch’s website. Do not click on links (especially masked links) but instead copy and paste into the browser, if it’s not Interswitch’s official website, then it’s pure scam, delete the mail. (http://allafrica.com/stories/200704190048.html)

Interswitch Logo

Also, do not be deceived by the sender’s address, anyone can mask the sender address. If you wish to reply at all, always click on the reply button. Most scam mails usually ask you to reply to a different email address other than the one that was used to send the mail (e.g. sender: expiry@interswitchng.com please reply to: scammer@gmail.com). When they do provide websites, their fake websites mirror the original one (as seen in fake MTN and Zenith Bank job scam sites), sometimes, some cheap-ass scammers use free sites and folders within folders of sub-domains such as http://money.myfreewebsites.com/bank/scammers/fraud/?@www.interswitchng.com/register – you should easily “nab” these ones (I repeat, do not click on links in emails directly, always do copy and paste into google search with the word scam before it and see for yourself, trust your instinct).

LagosMet: My take on this is this, always suspect anything that comes to you by mail or SMS (better to be a pessimist on the internet). Take a line of the content or title of the message, google it with the word scam and see if you get similar results. Remember, if it’s too good to be true then it’s scam.

The mail:

Dear Interswitch Card Holder,

We are carrying out a fraud prevention on our system,
and you’ve been required to register all your ATM card(s) Online Immediately
for security reasons, and to prevent your ATM card(s)
from fraudulent activities.

Be notified, that all ATM card(s) must be registered, such as your
(DEBIT CARDS, X-CHANGE CARDS, and CASH CARDS)

Please Register your ATM cards now by CLICKING HERE and then do as required.

(Failure to verify your ATM Card(s) details correctly will lead to account suspension)

This Update is compulsory
If you do not register your ATM card(s) immediately,
you will no longer be able to use your card(s) on our ATM machines
or for ATM transactions and your card(s) will be cancelled or terminated.

Thank you.

=======================================================

Breakdown:

1. Prevent your card from fraudulent activities (and he’s planning to defraud you already)

2. All cards must be registered (are cards not already registered? A wise man will give the bank a call, not even interswitch)

3. Failure to verify will lead to account suspension (all ATM cards have their expiry dates, you can’t even do any online transaction without entering your debit card’s expiry date, why the rush?)

4. Glorious threats (this is the first scam mail without the magic word called “guarantee”, are you scared to lose your card? As long as your money is safe). Never ever reveal your PIN to anyone.

Finally, Interswitch should please release a list of approved websites so that users can verify which websites are registered and which ones are phishing/scam websites. If there was a list like http://interswitchng.com/list_of_approved_websites/ then the world would be a much better place for scammers and potential, unsuspecting victims like you and I. This modus operandi applies to other sites such as ebay, paypal and many bank websites worldwide. You don’t want to lose your hard earned money in this period of recession, its credit crunch period for scammers as well. Be watchful, be careful, be prepared, be informed.

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The Police is your friend

FRSC (Road Safety), VIU (MOT), Customs, LASTMA, Lagos KAI and Nigeria Police

LagosMet Rainy Season: My do’s and don’ts for motorists and passengers – How to survive the rainy season.

If you do not have Certificate of Roadworthiness (not M.O.T.) quickly get yours from the authorised source ASAP, that’s to start with. Another issue that’s likely to cause confusion and ultimately, extortion is the issue of Tax Clearance Certificate for tax payers. Have you been told that your vehicle particulars, license, number plates or even your car itself are illegal? Have you seen the “men of the force” break or tear these before your very eyes? Have you been “stopped and searched” by the “authorities” only to find bullets or marijuana in your car without knowing how they got in there? Have you ever bribed a policeman? Have you ever been threatened with an “official” weapon or with “detention”? Have you been physically assaulted? Have you escaped LASTMA by whiskers? Do you feel your heart pop out of your chest when you sight the FRSC? Did you fill your vehicle forms by yourself or did you “runs” it? Have you ever unknowingly ventured into the opposite direction of a “one-way” road? Did you get away with it during the day?

Warning!!!: Always go out with photocopies of your documents (except for the driver’s license) and ensure you have at least 500 naira in your safe.

This is one never ending topic – I can’t even compile all in one month. I’ll take a little at a time, and then like Nollywood, I’ll give you part 1, part 2… Firstly, I’ll start with what you probably know. Before you go with me, please see Traffic Offences and Fines in Lagos State

A punch reporter writes:

“It is always difficult to complete the payment process in one day, even if the arrest/booking was made in the morning. By implication, the impounded vehicle will pass the night in the custody of the VIOs. And that means paying extra for demurrage. But having an MOT certificate may not be enough to be out of the VIOs’ trouble as some of the documents are adjudged to be fake.Having a fake MOT is as bad as not having any at all.”

Police documents (I mean what they need to see when they stop you)
1. Vehicle Particulars gummed to your Windscreen
2. Driver’s license
3. 3rd Party Insurance
4. Occasionally, P.of.O. (proof of ownership) – here they may question you on your relationship with the owner if the car is not yours.
5. Seat Belt (you’ll be shocked)
6. Stop and search (the law is – you should search a policeman thoroughly before allowing him to search your vehicle. Several people ended up behind bars for refusing to bribe the police. By right, a policeman can search you if there is a warrant for a missing laptop (e.g.) with the serial number matching yours. You must search a police officer before allowing him to search you, if you don’t want to end up on crime fighters.
7. Crash Helmet
8. Wetin you carry (in your trunk). Always ensure all glasses are up before going to the trunk of your car, they can easily throw stuff in it.

LASTMA
1. Driver’s license
2. Central Unlock (I’m not joking, they are ever ready to jump in if you let your guards down)
3. Your key (if you are really dumb)
4. Other police documents including certificate of roadworthiness (if you don’t know your right)
5. Seat Belt (very very important)
6. Baby in front seat (serious trouble)

Generally, LASTMA attempts to do FRSC duties as the former is tied to internal routes while the latter should only man federal roads. This implies that LASTMA can charge you for receiving calls without using headset, while driving.

FRSC and maybe, VIO/VIU
1. Driver’s license
2. General Vehicle Registration info
3. Fire extinguisher
4. Jack, Wheel Spanner, C-Caution, trafficators, inner lights, all the lights, horn, wipers, tyres …
5. Original number plates
6. Baby in front seat (very serious trouble)

So much to mention… I’ll update this with time, you can bookmark this page (safe).

Now back to the issue of TCC. If you pay tax, get your Tax Clearance Card, it’s likely to become the next pot-hole for unsuspecting motorists. We know our law enforcement (or law breaking) agents love making money out of “Government orders” like limit on old imported cars, right hand driving, the old odd number – even number plate driving days e.t.c. Now I’ll give a brief report on my people.

1. The Police: You almost cannot avoid them, even on Sunday Morning, and on their day, you can never be right. Here, Tokunbo captures the yellow fever as they attempt to stop a real Lagosian. Here again, a policeman is sentenced to death for killing a civilian over 20 naira bribe. While some are villains, a few are heroes who stand up to defend the civilians whose funds were used to purchase the guns they carry about, in order to protect us. I’ve met a few true policemen, seriously. Depending on how you handle a policeman, he is potentially your friend. Know when to smile and when to bone. Remember, you can get out of ANY police situation if you know how to ‘relate’, without paying a dime even if you are driving a big car. I’ve done it a few times (but I sent recharge cards afterwards o!). For RRS, please cooperate with orders, for ARS please, I beg of you please please please, be extremely cooperative and observant. I guess they have the license to kill. If you have links to lawyers or military men, you are 50% above the law. If you have links within the police, hmm some 80%, if DPO and above, 99%, if Commissioner or IG, 100% FREE!

LASTMA ready to tow

2. LASTMA: Hmm, I’ve made a few friends with these guys, highest i’ve paid – 1,000 naira. A few times, I got away. If you’ve got some military (Army, Navy, Air Force) or even Combatant MOPOL sticker, you are 99% above the law. If you leave home before 6:00am and leave your office after 7:30pm, you most likely won’t encounter any of the law enforcement agents (except of course, our friends – the Police). On Awolowo Road, they come with the police to move all vehicles parked on the sides and you pay at least 15,000 naira to get your car back. Woe betide those without military stickers (by now you can see that this is more important than all your documents put together). Now you are thinking these guys are not dangerous cos they aren’t armed? You are totally wrong! Here LASTMA officials killed a passenger with an umbrella.  Elsewhere, a LASTMA official stands trial for collecting 10,000 naira from a car owner, see yawa. Lastma sacks 24 (http://thepmnews.com/2009/01/28/lastma-sacks-24)More?

See Contact details of Top LASTMA, LAMATA, Drainage e.t.c. officers and executives.

FRSC on fire

3. FRSC: These guys don’t listen to shite. They move you (tow, fly, pull, drag) to their office where you pay and get your receipt so you can put it in a frame and display it in your living room! These guys could be ruthless though, two Sundays ago, I saw an ugly scene at Ilupeju Bypass where an FRSC official brought out a brand new special (maybe official) axe and attempted to axe a motorist who was pleading with him, everyone around took to their heels, I was about slowing down, but man, i thought of my mother (mama dey for house like Fela said) and stepped on it.

Here, Tayo Odukoya pictures the FRSC living what they preach. An FRSC car goes up in flames with no fire extinguisher (Ironic, isn’t it?).

4. Others KAI, VIU e.t.c they come up everyday. Some factions wear purple, some lemon green and green, some yellow, red, pink, some have 24-bit colours! like the ones on Ligali Ayorinde Street who report to their Oga at the Local Government Secretariat and arrest you for slow driving or looking out of your window or illegal “trafficating” or stopping. As for inter-state routes, the Customs are all out looking for Cotonou-imported cars, impounding them and charging as high as 250,000 naira for fake customs papers. More on that later.

All these haven’t gone unnoticed as Gov. Fashola declares war on such indiscipline and threatens to sanction such corrupt people.

Acronyms (in zig-zag “order”)

RRS – Rapid Response Squad

ARS – Anti-Response Squad

MOT – Ministry of Transportation Certificate

MOPOL – Mobile Police

FRSC – Federal Road Safety Corporation (no mercy)

Police – NPF or Olopa (our best friends – seriously)

Traffic Warden - Yellow Fever (Red top or light green reflectors on Police Uniform, usually more peaceful and more useful unless flanked by the Police or LASTMA or both)

VIO – Vehicle Inspection Officer

VIU – Vehicle Inspection Unit (Yellow with diagonal black stripes)

KAI – Kick Against Indiscipline

LASTMA – Lagos State Traffic Management Authority

P of O - Proof of Ownership

Traffic – Means real go slow!

To be continued…

Joor oh! Mi o le fi ARS ta eyin o! (Please, I don’t joke with the Anti-Robbery Squad)

Joke of the day: WarriTV reports on the Niger Delta Crisis (wafi pidgin, youtube)

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The world’s best place to live in, the worst place to work

Lagos Island

I tried real hard not to discuss this topic but I have since found myself caught in the middle of such arguments initiated by first time visitors to Lagos. Work is still on going and I sincerely believe Lagos will be the best place on earth to work when issues such as security, drainage and traffic have been resolved.

AOL’s survey: http://video.aol.com/video-detail/lagos-voted-worst-place-to-work/2278408703/?icid=VIDLRVNWS04 reported that voters decided human beings should not work in Lagos.

=======================================================

Result:

No. 1 Lagos, Nigeria

Overall Grade: Very High Risk Location
Severe Problems: Infrastructure, Crime
Major Problems: Pollution, Disease & Sanitation, Medical Facilities, Availability of Goods and Services
Other Problems: Climate, Education Facilities, Physical Remoteness, Political Violence & Repression, Political & Social Environment, Culture & Recreation
LagosMet Problems: All these in our Lagos Naija alone?

======================================================

Where do I start from? Talking about expatriates (cos they obviously participated in the voting process), war-torn countries such as Sudan, Iraq, Columbia, Liberia e.t.c miraculously failed to produce a City to top this “overblown” report and places such as Gaza, Darfur e.t.c. are not as bad as Lagos. Interesting innit? Apapa, V.I., Ikoyi, Surulere, Ilupeju harbour lots of expatriates from Americans, Europeans to Asians, South Americans and Africans. Lebanese, Japanese, Indian and Chinese are known to be notorious employers but are still making it big in Lagos and we are yet to see a massive exodus of such people. Many of them have settled in Lagos, have their spiritual places of worship and even contribute to the society and local organizations. They have their Schools (Indian School, Ilupeju, American International School, British International School, The Chinese School… and so on) and even have their vegetable markets. Even when Kidnapping seems to be the order of the day, expatriates are rarely kidnapped in Lagos.

Vegetable Market

We already know our roads need massive repairs, and power supply is almost non-existent, but we have tried our best to accomodate foreigners; why the negative report? From Y-not to Eko Hotel, Kuramo to Galleria, our “night fighters” have kept them warm in the land of heat, some even got married and had kids by them. Mobil for example have a huge staff quarters on Ligali Ayorinde, right next to their HQ. Chevron already have a similar structure somewhere around 4th round about, with members of staff (foreigners) relaxing comfortably in their sofas while others have staff buses and the rest is all history. Lagos is relatively peaceful.

The voters certainly had something else against Lagos beyond this and this is no good news to rebrand Nigeria. I think it’s time to rebrand Lagos and let our expatriates know that the best way to move our Metro forward is not to go to AOL or ABC or Business Week to say “Hey Fellas, Lagos is your Bermudas Triangle!”. They have probably tasted our food, visited our Hotels, Strip-clubs, Night Clubs, Coliseums, and Malls, and Gallerias and our wines and champaignes but have handed us a bottle of Napalm in return. We all know many of the problems we have in Lagos, but please (Joor Oh!) it’s not so so bad.

Eko o ni baje!

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Brothers and Sisters,

If you didn't know now you do.

LAGOS, NIGERIA: I don’t know how you’ll react to this message or revelation or reminder or piece of crap but one thing is sure; you will agree with me that these things do happen a lot around us so much that I can be forgiven to use the word “rampant”. Okay, when I blog, i leave so many things aside, i don’t mince words, for the sake of young readers I try to use dotted lines so you can, with your durrry mind, fill in the gap. Let’s leave religious hypocrisy and pretence aside and face the truth no one likes to talk about… cos you are probably one of them.

Relationships in Lagos, like in any Metropolis are usually dirty. I mean verbally dirty, morally dirty, spiritually dirty, socially dirty, financially dirty and maybe (sorry almost always) physically durrrry! Now where do I start from? Hmmmm…  Distance relationships! Common, you know what I mean, people need someone to hug and to hold, someone to hang out with, on thursday nights and weekends, in short someone to lust! Did you get that? Someone to lolox! Did I hear you say cheating? Come with me and see mums, dads, bosses, colleagues, siblings, friends and even partners getting help. Are you trying to cope with stress and depression from unemployment or the monster recession and just need to ease off? Okay I see you grabbing your cellphone, don’t dial 911 just yet, help’s on the way…

Okay let’s get down right serious. You ask someone, “Hey, what you doing with that person?”, you get the answer:

Her boyfriend’s in another Taraba State, I’m just helping her.

His wife’s 6 months pregnant, I’m helping him. No strings attached.

His wife’s out of town and my boyfriend’s in NYSC camp, we are helping each other.

Her boyfriend won’t be visiting till next week and we are next door neighbours, what’s bad in helping each other?

She’s away in another school and her boyfriend is on a course in the UK, I’m just trying to be of help to them.

You should know by now what the word “help” means – this has nothing to do with recharge cards or money. It’s plain, straight-to-the-point, no stories, durrry quickie sex – nothing to lose! If you haven’t heard the words Sharp Sharp, Kia Kia, Pa Pa Pa, One Time… now you know they mean “In a giffy”. It’s confusing when an individual tries to “help” so many people at the same time. It’s even more confusing when the needy ones know they are being helped by the same superman or superwoman. It’s part of the fun in Lagos innit?

The surprising thing is the abnormal understanding noticed in this type of relationship. It is firstly a relationship with no future or chance of getting anywhere, a higher version of the one night stand. If there is any exchange of any material nature, it’s simply mutual and not part of the plan as this is no sex-for-money thingy. You help in kind, not cash. Another thing is how people have evolved into loving one person and keeping such for marriage and at the same time helping a host of others who eventually show up to cheer their helpmates up at their wedding. For all I care, help goes on well after marriage even when both parties are married. A friend once told me his helpmate’s boyfriend called while they were helping each other but he was on another level and just couldn’t stop, even when she picked up the phone and the helpless one at the other end (who probably has his helpmate there too) could hear sounds of “torturing” over the phone… what a great way to retire to bed!

I’m not asking you to start suspecting your partner. Helpers are everywhere; schools, churches, neighbourhood, workplaces, dating/social networking sites (naijapals, facebook, legwork)… just name it. Age is no barrier when everyone is a potential helper, don’t be deceived by looks. I won’t go around asking you to “resist the devil and he will flee from you”, nope, I just believe if you are old enough to read through this blog, you can either say YES or NO to helping or being helped. And if you must help or be helped, please protect yourself so that your helpless partner can find you in one piece but know that you may not be able to “free” your erotic mind from your helpmate even when your partner returns. This could lead to a life of guilt, fear of blackmail, absent-mindedness, and depression if care is not taken. Risks as usual include breakup (busting), unwanted pregnancy, unwanted marriage, STDs, murder, rape (at the point of no return), ritual killing, robbery and so many ugly things. Nothing is entirely hidden you know. As you render helpful services, remember that someone could be helping your “love” elsewhere too. If your partner doesn’t trust you then someone is likely going to dial 911.

Do you still need help? Do you still want to help someone? Say it now, or forever hold your peace!

Joor Oh! Mi o le help Iya Arugbo O! (Please, I can’t “help” a grannie!)

Enjoy your weekend.

X.

A hunter with only one arrow does not shoot on impulse. – Naija Proverb

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Deviation.

Give it up for Google!

Poor Yahoo

I decided to check some Alexa rankings today, having done the same on statsbrain.com last week. Sometime last month, Google topped Yahoo on the charts and I took it for granted only to return the following day to see Yahoo! Back on top. With Google acquiring and buying startups of all sorts, I knew it was only a matter of time before they overthrew Yahoo. Is Yahoo bowing to the Credit Crunch (they must be all over Obama’s face right now)?. Another thing I’ve noticed so many bots now use gmail or better still mail.google.com. In the past, yahoo was more bot friendly. Also feedburner moved to the google domain… The long and short of it is that Google has done all within it’s power to attain the status of the world’s MOST VISITED SITE and is likely to keep that for a while, or maybe permanently. Will Facebook be the next threat? Or Youtube? Or Twitter?

Okay let’s wait and see.

By the way, the dollar closed at an exchange rate of 202 naira as Mey Dollars enjoy the “festive” period while it lasts. They buy from you for 185 but sell for 200 naira as dollar becomes increasingly scarce. Mixed fortunes innit?

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The art of beating the crunch with Kidnapping

Work from home or beat the Credit Crunch in Lagos?

Now the world is screaming disaster, recession, crunch, bla bla bla, but I did tell you earlier that some jobs won’t feel the crunch in a long time. I’m not talking about established sectors such as the Health, Teaching and food industry in general, I’m talking about self-made or skill-based jobs.

I’m looking at Lagos specifically, though without research to prove this, I just think some people won’t lose jobs but will instead get richer. They are:

1. Teaching: Hopefully they get their pay rise, they have really safer jobs as parents must indeed seek other means of providing the neck-breaking school fees even when they have no job. This includes primary, secondary, tertiary and private instructors (including ICT certifications, professional and foreign exams).

2. Oil Marketing: Of course, they’ve made the quickest money in the past and are not about giving up anytime soon and with government policies leaving us at their mercy, I think they’ve only just begun. God gave them strong hands and fingers to milk us hard till our “teats” turn red right before the very eyes of the Government… “God pass dem”

3. Transportation: Okay Fashola’s reforms aren’t probably favoring owners of Okada, Danfo, Molue and Keke Napep but things are still very okay for people in this sector. The cost of a low quality crash helmet is somewhere around 1,800 naira but even with fuel prices reduced to 65 naira, trust Lagos, prices of things NEVER go down even if world prices crash to an all time low, they’d rather reach for the Everest in Lagos.

4. Health: be it some herbal guy, a “Chemist” or some certified group of peeps, someone somewhere somehow must make that money cos “health is wealth”. People MUST take care of their bodies or die prematurely. Accidents are inevitable and to the advantage of Nurse, Doctors and health workers generally, the crunch means little. Gynae’s still make bucks, and Surgeons (Cosmetic? well they make bursts of bucks occasionally) too but no matter how crunchy the recession is, people must have sex and that’s why sex products sell the most. You know what I’m talking? Dildos, tightening creams, enlargement formulas, horse power mixtures, spanish flies, pheromones, just name it (you know the red light districts dontcha! – Allen Avenue and Co)! Lest I forget, General Hospital, Lagos pays Doctors on House Job around 77,000 naira a month. Luth pays well over 110,000 naira. Doctors, una get mouth! I think Death has to come in here as well. People still spend a lot on burial ceremonies and mortuaries are still filled up cos like births, deaths are natural. Coffin makers, vault sellers, corpse transporters and private mortuaries, cemetaries and organizers are making their bucks, as usual.

5. Real Estate and HR Consulting: I grouped these together they are hot like fire! People are constantly moving, changing locations due to change in status, security and safety, flood, road network, family expansion, income dictates, e.t.c. and as usual Agents are constantly inflating agreement fees and lease prices are at an all time high in all locations within (and beyond) Lagos. Some fear this sector will crash after the stock disaster but I sincerely doubt this. Lagos Land laws adhere to the 100-year general long lease status of the C-of-O (Certificate of Ownership) but people want this to be lower to help cut down on the skyrocketing costs of acquiring landed property. HR Consulting is also helping companies select specific “good-to-go” job seekers requiring less training and ready to fit into the system. As usual they are getting in some cases up to 40% of the employee’s salary as agreed between the recruiting agency and the employer. You get the picture? Ain’t that crunchy?

6. Law. Hmmmm, often depicted as poor, tattered and unfortunate, some wise lawyers are still in business and are not going down any time soon. Criminal law is really dangerous as it involves politics but the ones really making huge money especially during this recession are those working on real estate projects. More profitable innit? Choose wisely!

7. Kidnapping: I hate to include this in the list but you’ll be amazed at the surging rate of kidnapping in the state (it’s really a kind of work-from-home sham). We just have to face it, it’s fast becoming a full-time job for job seekers who are scared to rob a bank. People go into churches, creches, schools, eateries, parks, malls and pick at random (or sometimes based on insider tip) a child or sometimes an adult (a wife, son, husband, daughter or even grannies) and demand millions of naira from the breadwinner (make no mistake…, this is rather common in the Niger Delta region where expatriates fall victim to hefty demands). They threaten brimstone and fire including killing the hostage but eventually negotiate a much lower price (usually inside 3 days) without the involvement of the police. Armed robbery is somewhere more dangerous than this though and is kinda like work-from-home too and is a predominant occurence in some parts of Lagos ranging from armed pick-pockets to phone snatchers, burglars and car snatchers! Sadly, many such cases are not reported to the police, or the media until victims experience a relapse. I hope we have strict laws in place addressing this aspect?

http://www.vanguardngr.com/content/view/25023/122/

8. Advertising: my, my, my, you expect to survive the credit crunch right? You need to push your brand into the market, make sales and take advantage of tilts in the battle ground. SO&U, CMC Connect, Rosaab and Vigeo are some of the top players. This helps the broadcasting media as radio, TV, print (including printers), internet e.t.c.

9. Webmasters/Developers: Yes! I’m not talking about bloggers or template-based (DIY) “consumers”, I mean people who build custom web based apps, sites, databases and communities. Undergraduates are likely to develop in this regard to bolster their chances of surviving after school as this skill-set is bound to increase in demand in coming years regardless of the credit Punch. If you are getting worried about job security, start going something web-wards, and you’ll be the one pitying your employer. LoL. Sounds funny but it’s the truth. There are many ideas out there, go see for yourself and don’t expect me to spoon-feed you all the time.

10. Lag Nollywood: Of course no matter how daft, movies still sell, if not, we wont keep having 10,000 home videos released per month. Artistes releasing albums or singles stand a much greater risk if they neither appeal to the market nor get radio and TV DJ’s (disk jockeys) to help give a push. To find yourself in the ranks of Jenifa or Yinka Ayefele requires sheer quality, hard work and perseverance but it is the producers/managers who go home with the bulk. Sign a promising artiste and you are sure to make your money someday. Timaya, I hail o!

11. Comedy/MCing: You won’t believe how much these guys rake in per week, and prices are ever going up. A comedian has a PS/3 or an X-box and plays this all week long. He has a manager (sometimes a dubious one who tells you his client is booked but if you pay double he can cancel the other appointment) who charge between 150,000 naira and 1 million naira for 2 hours! Basket Mouth, AY, abi i lie? It’s not that easy though, considering these guys have come a long way, but unlike Musicians, you are not allowed to repeat jokes as they quickly become dry. Tuface can sing African Queen from show to show but they must improvise otherwise, people won’t laugh, yet this is one of the most lucrative jobs in the Metropolis – not affected by the PUNCH!

12. Food/Fast Food: do people have a choice, they just have to eat. People are really cost conscious so it boils down to who provides the best meal, service at the lowest price. I’m not advertising but we already know who are taking their customers serious and who aren’t. As for food stuffs and Iya Basira’s I don’t think they have a problem with the recession anyway cos people just have to eat!

13. Private Security: People really don’t wanna die even in these hard times, people still eat, watch their health and want to be safe from the “owners”. Private security outfits are smiling to the bank, like HR Consultants.

Have to stop here, cos it’s well past my bedtime and I’m off to work in the morning (I love my job!). I’ll rate the “professions” tomorrow from first to last. I told you already, I’m a router with a tickling time bomb. Happy new week, and if you are on leave, wow, I envy you cos the rains have returned but please make money while you aren’t at work. It’s important.

The following links lend credence to this argument and can help you further in this regard.

http://education.yahoo.net/degrees/articles/featured_careers_that_can_fight_recession.html

http://education.yahoo.net/degrees/articles/featured_seven_surprising_stay_home_salaries.html

Victimization report by Cleen Foundation: http://www.cleen.org/LAGOS%20CRIME%20SURVEY.pdf

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… put your ring fingers up.

Call me Sasha Fierce

It’s kinda like a Lagos anthem now. If you’ve been going out with your guy for more than two years then I can bet you are probably consciously/unconsciously singing this song every minute. Not like Beyonce got a ring (the video didn’t reflect the lyrics) but the message is loud and clear.

“If you like it BETTER put a ring on it”

Can an average Lagosian put food the size of a ring in his mouth let alone a metal in a babe’s finger? Okay do babes mind, we have plastic/rubber rings too. LoL. Obviously she’s talking marriage really, not engagement and not just a ring. If I understand the last part, she says get serious with me, quit playing around and be responsible. I’m not a Beyonce fan but I do not like the way people go about saying the song is crap.

“Pull me into your arms
Say I’m the one you want
If you don’t, you’ll be alone
And like a ghost I’ll be gone?”

In if i were a boy, the message is clearer. Treat ladies with respect or lose them, only that it just doesnt work that way in this part of the world. Some ladies are stuck due to peer pressure, lack of cash, trips, suitors or common sense! How else do you explain 21st Century Polygamy?

“But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand (Yeah you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed”

My advice to single ladies: please work hard and don’t depend on no man. People like Ne-yo do not hide their love for a woman who can live (not just survive) on her own and the truth is the relationship is more open (should I just say balanced) when neither depends on the other, materially?

Video Links

Put a ring on it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mVEGfH4s5g&feature=related

If i were a boy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVTyLqkez6A&feature=channel_page

Spoof version (don’t put a ring on it) : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kF1VgQh_3nQ&feature=related

Enjoy your Thursday,

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