The house of scam on ibadan street ilupeju

A house developer has duped over 200 people of about 50 million naira in a matter that has generated media interest and the intervention of the EFCC. The 2-storey building in Ilupeju is a brown building on Ibadan street off Tinubu road, off Ilupeju Street, is a newly completed building with at least 15 flats. The developer known as Alhaji Hassan Lukman or Qulaj Homes or L A Chicago or Standard homes collected house rents from at least 200 people starting from 150,000 naira to as much as 1.4 million naira. Monday, 31st of August was meant to be the opening day where tenants would lay claim to their flats but unfortunately, more than 200 people converged to witness one of the biggest modern real-estate scams in Lagos. The developer, along with his team of Ahmed, Otunba e.t.c. absconded and coined the Ilupeju Policemen with the help of the RRS squad to deter touts from tearing the building down. They also paid Ilupeju Area Boys to work with the police and maintain peace and orderliness as the workers put finishing touches to the house.

Work is ongoing but all the flats have already been occupied by people who had links to the military, touts, police, government e.t.c. LagosMet.Com noticed even the crew from Sterling Bank did not stand a chance in the scam romance.

Now the highlights.
The developer “Hassan alias Chicago met the head of the family in a bid to demolish the old family bungalow and build a lucrative 2-storey on it and maybe collect rentals for 6 years before handing the property over to the family. LagosMet.Com was told that the family agreed to this, verbally, without signing any papers and the original documents are still with the head of the family. Most houses on Ibadan street belong to families (not one person). The developers practically collected money from people to fund the building project and had been doing this since October 2008. In a nut-shell, most of the money went into building the new house while some went into a similar project at a site not far from the present calamity. NTA and SuperScreen were at the site yesterday and it was on the news on TV last night.

This should serve as a warning as fraudulent people are still driving people to the site and collecting money from them, issuing fake receipts. The present list has been forwarded to the EFCC and Alausa, the Ilupeju Police could not offer much in terms of information but it is widely believed that he carried out the fraudulent acts with the connivance of some top Ilupeju police officers.

www.LagosMet.Com

Whether the house would be sold to pay back the funds of hundreds of stranded tenants remains to be seen but it looks like the only way out of this mess. As usual, this is another 55 million naira case that will last could last years before justice, if at all, is done. It has always been said several times. Patronise only Registered Estate Surveyors and Valuers for your housing needs, even a Lawyer is not a professional Property Manager recognised by the Institute of Estate Surveyors and Valuers. Don’t be a victim.

More from the net:

http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/news/national/2009/sept/02/national-02-09-2009-14.htm

http://thepmnews.com/2009/09/17/fraudsters-take-over-real-estate-business

http://234next.com/csp/cms/sites/Next/News/Metro/Crime/5451529-147/story.csp

http://234next.com/csp/cms/sites/Next/News/Metro/Crime/1885367-147/Property_scammer_arrested___.csp

http://234next.com/csp/cms/sites/Next/News/Metro/Crime/5435760-147/House_scam:_Another_set_of_victims.csp

http://234next.com/csp/cms/sites/Next/News/Metro/Crime/5425074-147/Long_wait_besets_Egbeda_property_scam.csp

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Fellas, our creative neighbours have discovered new ways of laying ambush for unsuspecting lagosians. The latest trick now works like this.

1. You park your car at the mall, an eatery, a cinema or church.
2. Someone removes your number plate, the one closest to the wall or another car.
3. You get in the car and drive off
4. Someone in okada or taxi or any car flags you down brandishing your number plate in your face (you recognize it cos its yours and you are not like me – I don’t know mine!)
5. You slow down and park hoping to tip the good samaritan and continue your mugu journey but the “well-meaning” lagosian shows you his red eye and robs you pants down, if possible, steal your car.
6. You are now officially on your own. If you are mature enough to follow protocol (your best bet), you call the police, go home take a bathe, thank God for preserving your life and sleep your sorrows away. Joy cometh in the morning brother. Next time. Next freaking time, obey your instincts.

What do we do?
You now need to check both number plates before leaving the parking lot, either way, do NOT stop even if someone on bike (okada) or another car shows you your mother’s head, in fact, exercise your rights on the wheels, NO SPEED LIMIT!

ps: It could be your scarf, notebook, mobile phone, but whatever it is, just let it go.

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Is that what you're saying too?

It’s been a week already and NNPC has publicly declared that Filling Stations will ’smile no more’ come Thursday. Before you begin jumping up, News around is that the number of trucks loading fuel in Lagos has reduced from 180 to just 20. NNPC had better be telling me the truth. Methink they’ve just postponed another week of suffering and we can only suffer, smile and say thank you (more like UP – NEPA! - ring a bell?). Fuel scarcity is the Holy Grail of most Gas stations, they fast, pray, hope, believe and long for it, if they don’t get it, they create it. They need catalysts or some little assistance in the form of rumours at least and capitalize on it, the resulting mixture was what you saw some weeks ago. Honestly, I got tired of capturing those ugly scenes (not because they almost attacked me and nearly beat the building manager up, I’m not making this up, they brandished AK’s but for the defiance of the building manager) and black marketers lining up the roads with red, yellow, green and pink coloured fake, original or lukewarm petrol. I still did not buy from them anyway. I got full tank on Friday morning, at 70 naira per litre on the mainland and still have about half tank left in there.

With the current Rebrand Nigeria (a topic I’ve been avoiding since inception) adverts and announcements all over the radio, papers and everywhere, it was a perfect time to test the faith of Nigerians, Lagosians to start with. Like the advert said, insist on first-come first-served, join the queue bla bla bla (is it easier said than done). Check out the people shunting the queues, forcefully, with sirens, uniform, koboko, bulala and AK’s (I no dey point fingers) – they probably need no re-branding like we do. Dora, are you reading?

This is what happens at filling stations now. The gates are closed and only one “fine-tuned” Machine works. This Pump has been badly programmed to cheat you, giving you about 7 litres instead of 10, but that’s no rip-off compared to Item number 7. Now to get into the gates (of course from the entry point, you pay the Agbero fee, about N100, then the gate fee, N50, to get in through the EXIT point, you pay N2,000 flat so you’re worth 20 stingy cars – all rebranding Nigeria). You then wait your turn as only one machine sells to hundreds of angry, impatient and unfriendly people. 3 dedicated people sell to you. 1 holds the nozzle, another determines whether you sell to cars, okadas, jerry cans or the powerful ones who come in through the exit, the last one holds the calculator and collects the money for the transaction. Okay, before the attendant fills your hungry tank, you pay N200 (sometimes N200 per N1000 sale) then they sell to you between N70 and N120 per litre. You look at the meter, not at the price because the calculator guy will tell you how much you are to pay as the machine might still be reading N65 per litre. You pay and deal is done. They are so honest they won’t ask you for tips, you drive out angrily cursing your luck, the government, the marketers and anyone who crosses your mind at that time, but when you get to the tail end of the queue and see black marketers doing a harder rip off, selling 20 litres at 5,000 naira, then you realise you didn’t lose much. Then you run into traffic in broad day light, it’s full tank so you decide to feel some A/C then you get home and read the papers and read about Ekiti Politics and ReBrand Nigeria. You shake your head and smile (in suffering), start your generator and think about tomorrow. Lasgidi babe.

If by 7th of May, 2009 queues are still this long, I’ll tell you what probably came up. But until then, I’ll be discussing -

Ebenezer Ajayi, killed by men of the force for wearing Camo and dumped at Area G, then Pen Cinema. http://thenationallife.com/2009/04/19/killed-by-soldiers/

Lagos Agents, house rents, land lease and property development scams.

The task force, clearing of Oshodi, Yaba and other major markets and progress report.

The Crash Helmet (better known as Element) and Lagos Okadas.

Lagos and the swine flu scare.

Meanwhile I’m presently reading the Ebola Monkey Man’s 419 archive http://www.ebolamonkeyman.com/fanpage.htm, much similar to that of 419eater.com and 419baiter.com join me.

It’s 5:00pm, Arsenal Versus Man-U coming up soon but before then, you must fight through traffic. Wish you all the best.

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Typical Lagos setting, Pre-Fashola Oshodi to be precise

This is Lasgidi – A Poem

Can't beat those hell of horns
Noisy and noisy to the core
Always a big day for the dons
Crime's like a household chore

She tells lies all the time
About a hundred per second
'Makes sure you're left without a dime
And the whore's off in a second

Put your guns down
Testosterone obsessed guys at it again
Continues from dusk till dawn
'Guess tis the cops and the villains

In section 4 of the state code
Oh no, it's over the bar
Mr. Man "commot" for road
The court, soccer and a yellow car

Here is the millennium's pandemonium
Only a hundred people voted in the elections
Movies draw "Lagosians" to the auditorium
Then bribery, corruption and extortion

Street kids, handicapped and crippled
Jaundice, malaria and Insomnia
Phone, rent and clinic bills tripled
Madness, insanity and Schizophrenia

There is more you need to know
Almost everyone seems about it bogus
Can't understand? Lay low
This is the much-dreaded Lagos

XSI 02/08/2002

I wrote this some 7 years ago. Forgive my errors but point them out. Thanks.

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Brothers and Sisters,

If you didn't know now you do.

LAGOS, NIGERIA: I don’t know how you’ll react to this message or revelation or reminder or piece of crap but one thing is sure; you will agree with me that these things do happen a lot around us so much that I can be forgiven to use the word “rampant”. Okay, when I blog, i leave so many things aside, i don’t mince words, for the sake of young readers I try to use dotted lines so you can, with your durrry mind, fill in the gap. Let’s leave religious hypocrisy and pretence aside and face the truth no one likes to talk about… cos you are probably one of them.

Relationships in Lagos, like in any Metropolis are usually dirty. I mean verbally dirty, morally dirty, spiritually dirty, socially dirty, financially dirty and maybe (sorry almost always) physically durrrry! Now where do I start from? Hmmmm…  Distance relationships! Common, you know what I mean, people need someone to hug and to hold, someone to hang out with, on thursday nights and weekends, in short someone to lust! Did you get that? Someone to lolox! Did I hear you say cheating? Come with me and see mums, dads, bosses, colleagues, siblings, friends and even partners getting help. Are you trying to cope with stress and depression from unemployment or the monster recession and just need to ease off? Okay I see you grabbing your cellphone, don’t dial 911 just yet, help’s on the way…

Okay let’s get down right serious. You ask someone, “Hey, what you doing with that person?”, you get the answer:

Her boyfriend’s in another Taraba State, I’m just helping her.

His wife’s 6 months pregnant, I’m helping him. No strings attached.

His wife’s out of town and my boyfriend’s in NYSC camp, we are helping each other.

Her boyfriend won’t be visiting till next week and we are next door neighbours, what’s bad in helping each other?

She’s away in another school and her boyfriend is on a course in the UK, I’m just trying to be of help to them.

You should know by now what the word “help” means – this has nothing to do with recharge cards or money. It’s plain, straight-to-the-point, no stories, durrry quickie sex – nothing to lose! If you haven’t heard the words Sharp Sharp, Kia Kia, Pa Pa Pa, One Time… now you know they mean “In a giffy”. It’s confusing when an individual tries to “help” so many people at the same time. It’s even more confusing when the needy ones know they are being helped by the same superman or superwoman. It’s part of the fun in Lagos innit?

The surprising thing is the abnormal understanding noticed in this type of relationship. It is firstly a relationship with no future or chance of getting anywhere, a higher version of the one night stand. If there is any exchange of any material nature, it’s simply mutual and not part of the plan as this is no sex-for-money thingy. You help in kind, not cash. Another thing is how people have evolved into loving one person and keeping such for marriage and at the same time helping a host of others who eventually show up to cheer their helpmates up at their wedding. For all I care, help goes on well after marriage even when both parties are married. A friend once told me his helpmate’s boyfriend called while they were helping each other but he was on another level and just couldn’t stop, even when she picked up the phone and the helpless one at the other end (who probably has his helpmate there too) could hear sounds of “torturing” over the phone… what a great way to retire to bed!

I’m not asking you to start suspecting your partner. Helpers are everywhere; schools, churches, neighbourhood, workplaces, dating/social networking sites (naijapals, facebook, legwork)… just name it. Age is no barrier when everyone is a potential helper, don’t be deceived by looks. I won’t go around asking you to “resist the devil and he will flee from you”, nope, I just believe if you are old enough to read through this blog, you can either say YES or NO to helping or being helped. And if you must help or be helped, please protect yourself so that your helpless partner can find you in one piece but know that you may not be able to “free” your erotic mind from your helpmate even when your partner returns. This could lead to a life of guilt, fear of blackmail, absent-mindedness, and depression if care is not taken. Risks as usual include breakup (busting), unwanted pregnancy, unwanted marriage, STDs, murder, rape (at the point of no return), ritual killing, robbery and so many ugly things. Nothing is entirely hidden you know. As you render helpful services, remember that someone could be helping your “love” elsewhere too. If your partner doesn’t trust you then someone is likely going to dial 911.

Do you still need help? Do you still want to help someone? Say it now, or forever hold your peace!

Joor Oh! Mi o le help Iya Arugbo O! (Please, I can’t “help” a grannie!)

Enjoy your weekend.

X.

A hunter with only one arrow does not shoot on impulse. – Naija Proverb

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Deviation.

Give it up for Google!

Poor Yahoo

I decided to check some Alexa rankings today, having done the same on statsbrain.com last week. Sometime last month, Google topped Yahoo on the charts and I took it for granted only to return the following day to see Yahoo! Back on top. With Google acquiring and buying startups of all sorts, I knew it was only a matter of time before they overthrew Yahoo. Is Yahoo bowing to the Credit Crunch (they must be all over Obama’s face right now)?. Another thing I’ve noticed so many bots now use gmail or better still mail.google.com. In the past, yahoo was more bot friendly. Also feedburner moved to the google domain… The long and short of it is that Google has done all within it’s power to attain the status of the world’s MOST VISITED SITE and is likely to keep that for a while, or maybe permanently. Will Facebook be the next threat? Or Youtube? Or Twitter?

Okay let’s wait and see.

By the way, the dollar closed at an exchange rate of 202 naira as Mey Dollars enjoy the “festive” period while it lasts. They buy from you for 185 but sell for 200 naira as dollar becomes increasingly scarce. Mixed fortunes innit?

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Fellow Lagosians,

I’m going to be raw, blunt and natural. Like fashion, many street slangs come and go while some stay on for decades.

A commercial van "danfo" inscribed with the words "Aropin"

. I’ll assume slangs such as “carry go”, “wetin you carry?”, “no dulling”, “one chance”, “let’s go there”, “gbogbo bigs girls” and “fokasibe” have replaced the meaningful ones we used to have on buses such as “The downfall of a man…”, “The young shall grow”, “Let my enemies live long…”, “Eda ma ro mi pin”, “Safe journey”, “If God be for me…” e.t.c.

Nowadays, the reigning style is Jenifa’s, effectively adding an “S” to almost every word e.g. “I loves that boys”, “Whats is your names?”, “Threes millions nairas…” and ultimately, “Gbogbo bigs boys”. Majority of the quick words originate from the root language of Lagos, Yoruba although the lingua franca in Lagos is Pidgin / pigeon / broken English.

That brings me to the latest (possibly disgusting) slang on the streets now. And it’s just two words “Jooo Oh!…” (please) then some creative, possibly obscene words. I’ll leave you with three examples after which you can manufacture more for yourself. It’s fun if you catch the joke.

1. Jooh oh!… mi o le fi indomie pokunso o (Please I can’t hang myself with noodle strands – of course no one can!)

2. Jooh oh!… mi o le fi alakan se kan kan o (Please I can’t use a live crab as bathing sponge – can you?)

3. Jooh oh!… mi o le fi toothpick se post o (Please, I can’t make a goal post out of toothpick)

And it goes on and on and on and on. I had to manufacture those dry ones cos it’s basically raw-er than this.

… but I won’t say, still, just keep your ears out of the window or take a trip in a Danfo and wait for the trigger – JOOO OH (pronounced Chor Hoe)!

Joor Oh! Mi o le fi ejo she tie o!
Mi o le kirun niwaju BRT o!
Mi o le gba canal de Canada o! (from Efundola)

See Rubminds.Com for more Joor oh slangs.

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