If you can, please bite!

LagosMet Tips: How to avoid, manage or repel a rapist, rape. RAPE, a topic no one wants share, remember, or report.

With no 911, rehab or respect, the present scare and scourge of HIV/AIDS, talkless of pregnancy, the last thing you want to come face to face with is the certainty of rape, or a rapists hands down your zippers. Thanks to Gov. Fashola, Oshodi is now a beauty to behold, even at night. Gone are the days when people who try to beat the early morning traffic on their way to work end up being raped in Oshodi even along the rail road. Things have changed now though. Stampedes, riots and curfews are sure fire ways to risk being raped and rapists are everywhere, in hostels, schools, parties, camps e.t.c. and they usually get away with it because no one dares to report.

Here in Lagos, there have been reports of fathers raping daughters (repeatedly), uncles deflowering nieces (forcefully), secondary teachers having their way with students and even gay rapes in male hostels. The after-effect of rape could be life-threatening sadness, darkness, depression and inability to trust. Some rape victims eventually commit suicide, some become very religious, while some refuse to settle down. Trust me, it’s recession, everyone’s cutting cost or getting laid off (not getting laid!) and you don’t want to add one rapist’s son to your payroll – rape is of no moral, spiritual, physical, social or even economic value. Its a stigma no one wants to live with. Have you been raped? You certainly don’t want a repeat. I feel for you, I don’t know how it feels but you must share your experiences sometime (on SecretZen, or Rubminds), with others, maybe, anonymously, and empty your mind just so you can move on.

The son of a rapist is what?

As the rains approach, the weather becomes cold, there isn’t a better time than now to be wary of rapists. Please read and pass on:

Source: http://rubminds.com/forums/general-discussion/through-a-rapist’s-eyes-(no-joke)/

_{Long read but  worth it.. Pass it on to every female you know; you can even share this link.}

A  group of rapists and date rapists in prison were  interviewed on what they look for in a potential  victim and here are some interesting  facts:

1) The  first thing men look for in a potential victim  is hairstyle. They  are most likely to go after a woman  with a  ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can  easily be grabbed .  They are also likely to go  after a  woman with long hair .  Women with short hair are not common  targets.

2) The  second thing men look for  is clothing.  They will look for women  who’s clothing is easy to remove  quickly.  Many of them carry scissors around specifically to  cut clothing.

3) They  also look  for women on their cell phone, searching  through their purse, or doing  other activities while  walking because  they are off-guard and can be easily  overpowered.

4) Men  are most likely to attack & rape in the early  morning, between 5:  00a.m. and 8:30a.m.

5) The  number one place women are abducted from/attacked  is grocery  store parking lots.  The number two: office  parking lots/garages. Number  three: public  restrooms.

6)  The thing about these men is that they  are looking  to grab a woman and quickly move her to another  location where  they don’t have to worry about getting  caught.

7) Only 2% said they carried weapons  because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape  with a weapon is 15-20 years.

If  you put  up any kind of a fight at  all, they  get discouraged because  it only takes a minute or two for them to realize  that going after you isn’t worth it because it will  be time-consuming.

9) These men said they  would not  pick on women who have  umbrellas,  or other similar objects  that can  be used from a  distance, in  their hands.

Keys  are NOT a  deterrent because  you have to get really close to the attacker to use  them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these  guys you’re not worth it.

10) Several defense  mechanisms he taught us are: If  someone is following behind  you on  a street or in a garage or with you in a n elevator  or stairwell, look  them in the face and ask them a  question,  like what  time is it?,  or make general small talk: ‘I can’t believe it is so  cold out here,’ ‘We’re in for a bad  winter.’ Now  you’ve seen their face and could identify them in a  line-up; you lose appeal as a  target.

http://lagosmet.com/blog/2009/04/how-to-avoid-manage-repel-rapist-rape-tips/

11) If  someone is coming toward you, hold  out your hands in front of you and yell STOP! or  STAY BACK!Most of the rapists this man talked to  said they’d  leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she  would not be afraid to fight  back.  Again, they are looking for an EASY  target.

12) If you carry  pepper spray (this  instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it  with him wherever he goes), yell I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY  and holding  it out will be a  deterrent.

13) If  someone grabs you,  you can’t beat them with strength but you can  by outsmarting  them.  If you are grabbed around the waist from  behind, pinch  the attacker either under  the Arm (between  the elbow and armpit) OR  in the upper inner thigh VERY  VERY HARD.  One woman in a class this guy taught told him she  used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to  date rape her and was so upset she broke through the  skin and tore out muscle strands – the guy needed  stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as  hard as you can stand it – it  hurts.

14) After  the initial hit, always GO  for the GROIN.  I know from a particularly unfortunate experience  that if you slap a guy’s parts it  is extremely painful.  You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make  him want to hurt you more, but the thing these  rapists told our instructor is that they want a  woman who will not cause a lot of  trouble. Start  causing trouble and he’s out of  there.

15) When  the guy puts his hands up to  you, grab  his first two fingers and bend them back as far as  possible with as much pressure pushing down on them  as possible. The instructor did it to me without  using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and  both knuckles cracked audibly.

16) Of course  the things we always hear still  apply. Always  be aware of your surroundings, take  someone with you if you can and if  you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with  your instincts!!!

You  may feel a little silly at the time, but you’d feel  much worse if the guy really was  trouble.

1.  Tip from Tae  Kwon Do :  The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If  you are close enough to use it, do!

2.  Learned this from a tourist guide  in New  Orleans :  If a robber asks for your wallet and/or  purse,DO  NOT HAND IT TO HIM.  Toss it away from you….chances are that he is more  interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and  he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN  LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER  DIRECTION!

3.  If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick  out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the  hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t  see you, but everybody else will. This has saved  lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into  their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc.,  and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a  list, etc.) DON’T  DO THIS! The  predator will be watching you, and this is the  perfect opportunity for him to get in on the  passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you  where to go. AS  SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND  LEAVE.

a. If someone is in the car with a gun  to your head DO  NOT DRIVE OFF,  repeat: DO  NOT DRIVE OFF!  Instead gun the engine and speed into anything,  wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the  person is in the back seat they will get the worst  of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run.  It is better than having them find your body in a  remote location.

5  A few notes about getting into your car in a parking  lot or parking garage:

A.) Be aware: look  around you, look into your car, at the passenger  side floor, and in the back seat.

B.) If you  are parked next to a big van, enter your car from  the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their  victims by pulling them into their vans while the  women are attempting to get into their  cars.

C.) Look at the car parked on the  driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger  side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest  your car, you may want to walk back into the mall,  or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back  out.

IT  IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY . (And better  paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take  the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are  horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime  spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)

7.  If the predator has a gun and you are not under his  control, ALWAYS  RUN! The  predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in  100 times. And even then, it most  likely WILL  NOT be  a vital organ.RUN,  preferably in a zigzag  pattern!

8. As  women, we are always trying to be  sympathetic: STOP! It  may get you raped or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial  killer, was a good-looking, well-educated man, who  ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting  women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often  asked ‘for help’ into his vehicle or with his  vehicle, which is when he abducted his next  victim.
9.  Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her  friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night  before last, and she called the police because it  was late and she thought it was weird. The police  told her ‘Whatever  you do, DO NOT open the  door.’

The  lady then said that it sounded like the baby had  crawled near a window, and she was worried that it  would crawl to the street and get run over. The  policeman said, ‘We already have a unit on the way,  whatever you do, DO  NOT open the door.’ He  told her that they think a serial killer has a  baby’s cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of  their homes thinking that someone dropped off a  baby. He said they have not verified it, but have  had several calls by women saying that they hear  baby’s cries outside their doors when they’re home  alone at night.

Please  pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying  baby — This should be taken seriously because the  Crying Baby theory was mentioned  on America’s  Most Wanted this  past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer  in Louisiana .

I’d  like you to forward this to all the women you know.  It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by  lighting another candle. I was going to send this to  the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers,  wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to  pass it onto them, as well.

Source: http://rubminds.com/forums/general-discussion/through-a-rapist’s-eyes-(no-joke)/

Take away: Bobby Bishops song for Amy (a teenage rape victim)

Bookmark It

LagosMet Rainy Season: My do’s and don’ts for motorists and passengers.

I sincerely hope this is the final year Lagos would have to go without drainage. I don’t mean drainage in Ikeja or Lagos Island alone, I mean all over the state cos we all pay tax and this flood thingy is making the whole of Lagos look like

A lawyer's view of flooded Orile

Governor Raji Fashola (Pol Party: Action Congress AC) has done nothing. The Governor has tried his best, we know the power issue is beyond him but he can do much better in terms of security and drainage.

(Kindly include the link to this page if you intend to copy and paste the contents of this page. Please quote the source: http://lagosmet.com/blog/2009/04/lagosmet-rainy-season-my-dos-and-donts-for-motorists-and-passengers/)

I’d been yelling drainage since September last year when I stopped using my very low car, discarded it and got a higher one, a low-class 4 – wheeler (my papa no be politician). Now I can sing “because he lives… I can FACE tomorrow”. Tomorrow as in Lagos floods, nothing more to it. If I can swap minds with fellow readers, those with low cars, e.g. Old Accord, Mini, Bug, Picanto, QQ, I10, Celica, Legend and Previa, e.t.c. are already cursing their luck. Sorry, so goes the saying “save for the rainy day”. Now it’s raining, look outside your window, you see it drizzling, yeah, out there, it doesn’t reflect anything drizzling at all, it in fact paints the picture of the aftermath of a Tsunami. I’ve been avoiding blogging for some days now cos it takes me at least 4 hours to come up with something and I have a whole lot on my neck, I’m not so into coffee and this cold brings with it the lure of sleep… (you all are happy today’s a public holiday aint ya?). For this reason, I’ll keep facts, pictures and sturvs for some other time and go straight to the point. As usual, just my 2 cents, you don’t have to agree with me 100% but to those who have ears…

It’s Rainy Season, what do you do?

Your Umbrella or your life?

1. Buy an umbrella for the car, office, a friend and home.

2. If you haven’t raised your sport car, call your mechanic now

3. Don’t drive while it’s raining or less than 20 minutes after, it takes a while for highway floods to clear.

4. Don’t venture into roads you less frequently used (during the dry season) as floods make it difficult to differentiate pot holes from “gutters” and “canals”.

5. If you must drive while it’s drizzling or raining, turn your headlamps on and your emergency lamps too. Also, avoid depending on horns alone, while you honk, flass your full lights as well since most windows are wound up and A/Cs on in other to clear the windscreen of most cars. Some even tune up their radios for situation reports, coupled with the deafening sound of the rain and thunder outside, your horn alone is less than likely to pass the message across. Use your hazard lights and flash your full lights.

6. Avoid unnecessary overtaking. Everyone’s trying to avoid water clogged areas and also splashing water on pedestrians.

7. Trust your instincts, if it looks like your car won’t make it, then don’t take it. I mean don’t risk it, it’s never too late to turn back when your rear is clear. Once other cars join you there, you have little option than to be compelled to MOVE into the danger zone, and glory be to God if you (your car) survive. http://lagosmet.com/blog/2009/04/lagosmet-rainy-season-my-dos-and-donts-for-motorists-and-passengers/

8. Avoid reversing unnecessarily, it is against the law to face oncoming traffic (one-way) but in this period, you just can’t help it. Better to face oncoming traffic than to do a reverse. It is very dangerous, especially due to poor visibility. Poor visibility contributes 85% to most road accidents when it’s raining as some people don’t even have wipers, some don’t have A/Cs to clear the fog on the windscreen, some are hydrophobic and they just ram into you, then you try to step out and realise you are in the middle of the River Niger, you need the back of a tout to make it to the other side where you would only be drowned halfway.

9. If you can, avoid service lanes and generally the lower ends of unlevelled roads as they hold more water. Service Lanes hold deadly pot holes (especially along Ikorodu road up to Ketu). If you are not driving an LR4, and you can do without service lanes, please do. Palmgrove, Onipanu, Ojota, Ajah and some places in Victoria Island are Bermudas Triangles you don’t want to find yourself in.

He that is "drowned" needs fear no "flood"

10. Follow the leader, and give him some distance. Taxis (yellow and black) know the bad places in Lagos, they know the roads like you know the buttons of your mobile phone. Follow someone who has a flood navigator (don’t follow okadas or LR4’s, follow car for car or SUV for SUV, not Trailer for Cooper).

11. Have some airtime on your phone.

12. Service your car, fix your horn, tyres, winders, heaters, A/C, fog lamps, trafficators, and everything fixable. Believe you me, no one will stop for you when it’s pouring heavily. When it’s pouring, you don’t see the police and that’s when men of the underworld rush out en-masse, you make their work easier for them when your car breaks down for any reason, even a flat tyre.

13. Don’t drive alone but avoid picking unknown persons up. When it rains, it is assumed that all cars have tinted glasses and no one can see someone pointing weapons at you right in your car, and even if they do, they look for an exit and drive off, leaving you to your fate. Be very careful. Lock your doors.

14. Drive slowly, you have no choice. Tyre skid, brakes fail and cars stop suddenly when it pours, so be prepared to gently apply (not slam) your brakes. Traffic is bound to be heavier than on normal days so leave home some 30 minutes earlier than usual, but not too early. In fact don’t leave home while it’s dark as floods will force you to drive slowly or even stop and that’s when “our friends” can make a run at you. You will also notice that colleagues get to work/meetings later than they used to.

15. Ensure you have a fair amount of gas (sorry, petrol) in your tank. Rain-induced traffic are 69% heavier.

http://lagosmet.com/blog/2009/04/lagosmet-rainy-season-my-dos-and-donts-for-motorists-and-passengers/

As for Pedestrians, you know the rules already.

BIS under siege sometime ago

1. Umbrella

2. Nylon cover, shower caps, or raincoat, umbrellas can’t withstand strong winds.

3. Rain boots (keep a spare pair of shoes in the office and trouser/skirt too). Rubber shoes are on sale now (Max: 400 naira.). Sometimes NEPA/PHCN poles bow to the winds and live power cables/wires find their way into the stagnant waters creating death traps for innocent pedestrians. I’d say rubber boots are essentials.

4. Use the BRT (thank God LAGBUS have resumed operation), if you feel that friend’s rickety car might nor make it, or that your car is not in the best rain condition

5. Have airtime on your line, call your superior if traffic is hell.

6. Avoid carrying laptops and other bulky electronics that won’t fit in beneath the raincoat.

7. Keep yourself warm

8. Carry a 50cl bottle of water, to wash your feet when you reach your destination.

9. Don’t forget to pick your umbrella after leaving it out to dry…

10. Don’t walk in the path of motorists, especially in the clear paths as motorists desperately try to avoid water and have poorer visibility seeing through water clogged screens. You are more likely to get hit by a hit and run driver in this period. http://lagosmet.com/blog/2009/04/lagosmet-rainy-season-my-dos-and-donts-for-motorists-and-passengers/

11. Do not back traffic; face on coming traffic and always be prepared to dive. Don’t cuss the driver or the governor when it does happen.

12. Relocate if you can, closer to the office or your business. As bus fares skyrocket (even BRT and LAGBUS increased fares), you will find it cheaper to stay closer to your source of income.

13. Take your leave. We usually have one or two 3-day non stop rain and 7-day non stop drizzling, I can’t think of a better time to take your leave than then. I just hate traffic.

14. Not a good time to pay friends a visit. In fact, Churches will see a decrease in the congregation size too. Do not promise to visit friends at this point in time, and don’t pay surprise visits as your hosts may be 3 hours away in traffic or trying to pull their car our of the canal.

15. Be careful where you put your legs into. Some stagnant waters house various pests and diseases, and some “small” waters can mask deep gutters and sharp objects. Do not be tempted to take off your shoes unless you know the road so well. It is always safer to turn back.

16. Finally, if you can’t “enter” the rain, then wait in a safe place, there is no shame in doing so, but it is sometimes dangerous. Watch where, who and for how long you do. My advice, don’t stay behind for too long, move as soon as the rain subsides.

Eh, 2 hours gone already! I got work to do guys, you can help with the ones I missed out on. I wish you all the best. You can send me pictures and stories of floods in your area and I will do well to post them here, of course with your name on it, if you don’t mind.

Safety first, no regrets. Happy Easter.

All rights reserved, Christino Xsi Penthome, 2009.

If you enjoyed reading this, please refer this page to a friend.

Link to this page: http://lagosmet.com/blog/2009/04/lagosmet-rainy-season-my-dos-and-donts-for-motorists-and-passengers/

Bookmark It

Opambata, Eyo o!

Lagos Laws: Alms to beggars, loittering & littering can lead to jail.

Giving of alms to beggars – 1 month imprisonment. Wandering in any premises – 3 month to 1 year imprisonment. Suspected thief with no proven means of livelihood, 3 months to 1 year imprisonment. It is an offence to dispose of scrap papers, newspapers, sweet wrappers, fruit skins, water sachets or similar refuse anywhere except little bins within the Lagos Central Business district. Offenders will be liable to a fine of not less than N1, 000.00

Just imagine me, cruising my nano, ‘jeje-ly’, it’s hot and my a/c is blowing flames so I decide to feel the cool breeze only cos as hungry as I am, Gala has been banned, I’m watching out for “red” bikes coming too close too, cos LagosMet said it’s not safe (security-wise), Just in front of me, I see a “check point”, my heart is beating fast cos I left home without my license,  I narrowly escaped and see a child beggar right in front, another trying to clean my windscreen, I decide to help (not that kind of lagos erotic help o!) and then remember that I could end up in jail this very night… yet Lagos is not the worst place to work. Joor oh! Mi o le fi handcuffs she bracelet o!

THE PUBLICATION

In the initiative to re-enforce Law and Order around the Lagos Central Business District, the Lagos State Government hereby draws the attention of the general public to the following PUBLIC DISORDER OFFENCES, contained in the CRIMINAL CODE AND ENVIROMENTAL SANITATION LAW 2003 LAWS OF LAGOS STATE and the sanction that maybe imposed upon conviction.

1    BEGGING FOR OR GATHERING OR COLLECTING ALMS IS PROHIBITED WITHIN THE LAGOS CENTRAL BUSINESS DISTRICT:

1    Outer and Inner Marina
2    Broad Street
3    Balogun Street
4    Martins Street
5    Nnamdi Azikiwe Street
6    Eko Bridge
7    Carter Bridge
8    Apongbon Street
9    Idumagbo Avenue
10    Campbell Street
11    Breadfruit Street
12    Tinubu Street
13    Abibu Oki Street
14    Oke Olowogbowo Street
15    Davis Street
16    Adeniji Adele Street
17    Church Street
18    Docemo Street
19    Odunlami Street
20    Iga Idunganran Street
21    Ereko Street
22    Kakawa Street
23    Campos Street
24    Bamgbose Street
25    Alli Balogun Street
26    Ehingbeti (Marina Foreshore)
27    Ebute Ero
28    Force Road
29    King George Road
30    All Flyovers in Lagos Island

It is an offence to give alms to any person begging for alms within the Lagos Central Business District.

Offenders will be liable to one (1) month imprisonment and suffer punishment for subsequent offences.
www.LagosMet.com
2    Every Person found wandering in or upon or near any premises or in any road or highway or any place adjacent thereto or in any public place within the Lagos Central Business District at such time or under such circumstances as to lead to the conclusion that such a person is there for an illegal or disorderly purpose shall be deemed to be a rouge or vagabond and is guilty of a misdemeanor and is liable to imprisonment for three (3) months and one (1) year upon subsequent conviction.
3    Every suspected person or reputed thief who has no visible means of subsistence and cannot give an account of himself found within the Lagos Central Business District shall be deemed to be a rouge or vagabond and is guilty of a misdemeanor and is liable to imprisonment for three (3) months and one (1) year upon subsequent conviction.

1.    Extortion by tout or miscreants is prohibited on all streets within the Lagos Central Business District.

2.    LITTERING OF THE STREETS WITHIN THE LAGOS CENTRAL BUSINESS DISTRICT IS PROHIBITED.

It is an offence to dispose of scrap papers, newspapers, sweet wrappers, fruit skins, water sachets or similar refuse anywhere except little bins within the Lagos Central Business district. Offenders will be liable to a fine of not less than N1, 000.00

3.    DEFECATING OR URINATING IN THE DRAINAGE OR OPEN SPACES WITHIN THE LAGOS CENTRAL BUSINESS DISTRICT.

It is an offence to defecate or urinate in the drainage or open spaces within the Lagos Central Business District. Offenders will be prosecuted and upon conviction liable to a fine between N5, 000.00 & N 10,000.00.

4.    STRUCTURE ON ROAD SET BACK & ABUSE OF OPEN SPACE AND WALK PATH.

It is an offence to erect any structure on the road set back and walk path of any highway within the Lagos Central Business District and any open space within the district.

No person shall use any road set back or walk path or open space within the Lagos Central Business District for a mechanic workshop.
Offenders will be prosecuted and upon conviction liable to a fine between N5,000.00 & N10,000.00.

Persons convicted of any of these offences maybe ordered to render community service under the provisions of the Law.

Eko o ni baje o!

BIG thanks to Chinwe for putting this together.

Joke of the day. Let’s visit the court of law as this grannie is being tried for disobeying the laws of the state…

Grandma prolly knows you too!

Bookmark It

Hawking not allowed not even in the "garage"

In an initiative to re-enforce Law and Order around the Lagos Central Business District, the Lagos State Government hereby draws the attention of the general public to the following PUBLIC DISORDER OFFENCES, contained in the STREET TRADING AND ILLEGAL MARKETS (PROHIBITION) Law 2003 Laws of Lagos State and the sanction that maybe imposed on conviction:

1.    No person shall sell or hark or expose for sale any goods, wares, articles or things or offer services whether or not from a stationary position along the walkway or on any of the following Streets within the Lagos Central Business District:

1    Outer and Inner Marina
2    Broad Street
3    Balogun Street
4    Martins Street
5    Nnamdi Azikiwe Street
6    Eko Bridge
7    Carter Bridge
8    Apongbon Street
9    Idumagbo Avenue
10    Campbell Street
11    Breadfruit Street
12    Tinubu Street
13    Abibu Oki Street
14    Oke Olowogbowo Street
15    Davis Street
16    Adeniji Adele Street
17    Church Street
18    Docemo Street
19    Odunlami Street
20    Iga Idunganran Street
21    Ereko Street
22    Kakawa Street
23    Campos Street
24    Bamgbose Street
25    Alli Balogun Street
26    Ehingbeti (Marina Foreshore)
27    Ebute Ero
28    Force Road
29    King George Road
30    All Flyovers in Lagos Island

2    Sleeping in the Market place or on all flyovers within the Lagos Central Business District is prohibited.

Any Person who contravenes to this Law shall be guilty of an offence and shall be liable on conviction to a fine of N 5,000.00 and N 15,000.00 or/and a term of imprisonment of between six months and one year.

Persons convicted of any of these offences maybe ordered to render community service under the provisions of the Law.

I kept my promise. The last of the series to hit you tomorrow.

Bookmark It

Would you rather have the Cedes

LAGOS, Corporate Corruption: Wonder why the naira has struggled to make an impact against the dollar? In the news today, the EFCC has moved to arrest all the Diamond Bank Managers involved in the International Passport – visa dollar fraud. Since banks are supplied hard dollars from CBN to be sold to people with Valid Visas and tickets, some Bank Managers used this opportunity to their advantage. These managers make photocopies of these documents to back up such transactions (they were reportedly apprehended with a couple of fake and original passports in their possession) and then sell the dollars at killer rate to the Black Marketers. The dollar which sold at 202 naira sometime in March had risen against the naira due to high demand resulting from artificial scarcity of the dollar in banks.

EFCC arrests Diamond Bank Managers over dollar fraud

It is worth noting that this could mark the end of the careers of these managers, at least in the Banking Industry. Hopefully, this development should strike fear into the minds of defaulters and we can start to dream of 120 naira to a dollar again. Maybe I can comfortably return to school, and prices of inflated items can fall (na dream?)

What determines the naira-dollar exchange rate?

Why’s the naira so weak against the dollar?

Ps: The second part of the Lagos Traffic Laws will be out unfailingly today.

Bookmark It

Is this wheel barrow worth 150k?

Lagos Island traffic fines (Min: 50,000 naira – Max: 150,000 naira – plus imprisonment) I tried so hard not to post this on All Fool’s Day, I guess the day’s almost over now, but post I must, and I have. Here’s Part I. Part 2 should be out tomorrow, and on Friday, Part 3. I’m too lazy to type, sorry, I have to seek the help of friends. They aren’t really “new” anyway, I guess the publication was only to sanitize the public who find themselves in Lagos Island, but of course, as you and I know, someone must “chop” and someone must “drop suntin”. Take am!

PUBLIC ATTENTION: LAGOS LAW AND ORDER

In the initiative to re-enforce Law and Order around the Lagos Central Business District, the Lagos State Government hereby draws the attention of the general public to the following PUBLIC DISORDER OFFENCES, contained in the CONTROL OF TRAFFIC (SPECIAL PROVISIONS) EDICT 1978 which by virtue of Section 315 of the 1999 constitution is now a Law of the Lagos State House of Assembly and the ROAD TRAFFIC LAW 2003 LAWS OF LAGOS STATE and the sanctions that maybe imposed upon conviction:

1 PROHIBITION OF PARKING ALONG LAGOS CENTRAL BUSINESS DISTRICT

No vehicle is allowed to park or pick passengers along the following highways within the Lagos Central Business District:

1 Outer and Inner Marina

2 Broad Street

3 Balogun Street

4 Martins Street

5 Nnamdi Azikiwe Street

6 Eko Bridge

7 Carter Bridge

8 Apongbon Street

9 Idumagbo Avenue

10 Campbell Street

11 Breadfruit Street

12 Tinubu Street

13 Abibu Oki Street

14 Oke Olowogbowo Street

15 Davis Street

16 Adeniji Adele Street

17 Church Street

18 Docemo Street

19 Odunlami Street

20 Iga Idunganran Street

21 Ereko Street

22 Kakawa Street

23 Campos Street

24 Bamgbose Street

25 Alli Balogun Street

26 Ehingbeti (Marina Foreshore)

27 Ebute Ero

28 Force Road

29 King George Road

30 All Flyovers in Lagos Island

www.LagosMet.Com

Any Person who fails to comply with the provisions of this Law would have his vehicle impounded by the authorized persons and shall be liable upon conviction to a fine and or term of imprisonment.

2 Abandoned vehicles

If you are the owner of a vehicle left on the highway within the Lagos central Business District for an unreasonable long period of time, you are to pay the following as cost of towing

Type of Vehicle                               Amount Payable

1 Articulated vehicles                  N 150,000.00

2 Empty trailers and Tanker          N 100,000.00

3 Lorries and Tippers                   N 50,000.00

4 High Capacity Buses                 N 50,000.00

5 Mini Buses, Jeeps and Cars        N 50,000.00

In addition, for abandoning the vehicle, the owner will be liable to fine of N 50,000.00 or (70,000.00 for commercial vehicle) or 3months imprisonment.

Persons convicted of any of the offences maybe ordered to render community service under the provisions of the Law.

Joke (reality) of the day: This toon right here (got this off facebook)

The world's worst job?

Bookmark It

The Police is your friend

FRSC (Road Safety), VIU (MOT), Customs, LASTMA, Lagos KAI and Nigeria Police

LagosMet Rainy Season: My do’s and don’ts for motorists and passengers – How to survive the rainy season.

If you do not have Certificate of Roadworthiness (not M.O.T.) quickly get yours from the authorised source ASAP, that’s to start with. Another issue that’s likely to cause confusion and ultimately, extortion is the issue of Tax Clearance Certificate for tax payers. Have you been told that your vehicle particulars, license, number plates or even your car itself are illegal? Have you seen the “men of the force” break or tear these before your very eyes? Have you been “stopped and searched” by the “authorities” only to find bullets or marijuana in your car without knowing how they got in there? Have you ever bribed a policeman? Have you ever been threatened with an “official” weapon or with “detention”? Have you been physically assaulted? Have you escaped LASTMA by whiskers? Do you feel your heart pop out of your chest when you sight the FRSC? Did you fill your vehicle forms by yourself or did you “runs” it? Have you ever unknowingly ventured into the opposite direction of a “one-way” road? Did you get away with it during the day?

Warning!!!: Always go out with photocopies of your documents (except for the driver’s license) and ensure you have at least 500 naira in your safe.

This is one never ending topic – I can’t even compile all in one month. I’ll take a little at a time, and then like Nollywood, I’ll give you part 1, part 2… Firstly, I’ll start with what you probably know. Before you go with me, please see Traffic Offences and Fines in Lagos State

A punch reporter writes:

“It is always difficult to complete the payment process in one day, even if the arrest/booking was made in the morning. By implication, the impounded vehicle will pass the night in the custody of the VIOs. And that means paying extra for demurrage. But having an MOT certificate may not be enough to be out of the VIOs’ trouble as some of the documents are adjudged to be fake.Having a fake MOT is as bad as not having any at all.”

Police documents (I mean what they need to see when they stop you)
1. Vehicle Particulars gummed to your Windscreen
2. Driver’s license
3. 3rd Party Insurance
4. Occasionally, P.of.O. (proof of ownership) – here they may question you on your relationship with the owner if the car is not yours.
5. Seat Belt (you’ll be shocked)
6. Stop and search (the law is – you should search a policeman thoroughly before allowing him to search your vehicle. Several people ended up behind bars for refusing to bribe the police. By right, a policeman can search you if there is a warrant for a missing laptop (e.g.) with the serial number matching yours. You must search a police officer before allowing him to search you, if you don’t want to end up on crime fighters.
7. Crash Helmet
8. Wetin you carry (in your trunk). Always ensure all glasses are up before going to the trunk of your car, they can easily throw stuff in it.

LASTMA
1. Driver’s license
2. Central Unlock (I’m not joking, they are ever ready to jump in if you let your guards down)
3. Your key (if you are really dumb)
4. Other police documents including certificate of roadworthiness (if you don’t know your right)
5. Seat Belt (very very important)
6. Baby in front seat (serious trouble)

Generally, LASTMA attempts to do FRSC duties as the former is tied to internal routes while the latter should only man federal roads. This implies that LASTMA can charge you for receiving calls without using headset, while driving.

FRSC and maybe, VIO/VIU
1. Driver’s license
2. General Vehicle Registration info
3. Fire extinguisher
4. Jack, Wheel Spanner, C-Caution, trafficators, inner lights, all the lights, horn, wipers, tyres …
5. Original number plates
6. Baby in front seat (very serious trouble)

So much to mention… I’ll update this with time, you can bookmark this page (safe).

Now back to the issue of TCC. If you pay tax, get your Tax Clearance Card, it’s likely to become the next pot-hole for unsuspecting motorists. We know our law enforcement (or law breaking) agents love making money out of “Government orders” like limit on old imported cars, right hand driving, the old odd number – even number plate driving days e.t.c. Now I’ll give a brief report on my people.

1. The Police: You almost cannot avoid them, even on Sunday Morning, and on their day, you can never be right. Here, Tokunbo captures the yellow fever as they attempt to stop a real Lagosian. Here again, a policeman is sentenced to death for killing a civilian over 20 naira bribe. While some are villains, a few are heroes who stand up to defend the civilians whose funds were used to purchase the guns they carry about, in order to protect us. I’ve met a few true policemen, seriously. Depending on how you handle a policeman, he is potentially your friend. Know when to smile and when to bone. Remember, you can get out of ANY police situation if you know how to ‘relate’, without paying a dime even if you are driving a big car. I’ve done it a few times (but I sent recharge cards afterwards o!). For RRS, please cooperate with orders, for ARS please, I beg of you please please please, be extremely cooperative and observant. I guess they have the license to kill. If you have links to lawyers or military men, you are 50% above the law. If you have links within the police, hmm some 80%, if DPO and above, 99%, if Commissioner or IG, 100% FREE!

LASTMA ready to tow

2. LASTMA: Hmm, I’ve made a few friends with these guys, highest i’ve paid – 1,000 naira. A few times, I got away. If you’ve got some military (Army, Navy, Air Force) or even Combatant MOPOL sticker, you are 99% above the law. If you leave home before 6:00am and leave your office after 7:30pm, you most likely won’t encounter any of the law enforcement agents (except of course, our friends – the Police). On Awolowo Road, they come with the police to move all vehicles parked on the sides and you pay at least 15,000 naira to get your car back. Woe betide those without military stickers (by now you can see that this is more important than all your documents put together). Now you are thinking these guys are not dangerous cos they aren’t armed? You are totally wrong! Here LASTMA officials killed a passenger with an umbrella.  Elsewhere, a LASTMA official stands trial for collecting 10,000 naira from a car owner, see yawa. Lastma sacks 24 (http://thepmnews.com/2009/01/28/lastma-sacks-24)More?

See Contact details of Top LASTMA, LAMATA, Drainage e.t.c. officers and executives.

FRSC on fire

3. FRSC: These guys don’t listen to shite. They move you (tow, fly, pull, drag) to their office where you pay and get your receipt so you can put it in a frame and display it in your living room! These guys could be ruthless though, two Sundays ago, I saw an ugly scene at Ilupeju Bypass where an FRSC official brought out a brand new special (maybe official) axe and attempted to axe a motorist who was pleading with him, everyone around took to their heels, I was about slowing down, but man, i thought of my mother (mama dey for house like Fela said) and stepped on it.

Here, Tayo Odukoya pictures the FRSC living what they preach. An FRSC car goes up in flames with no fire extinguisher (Ironic, isn’t it?).

4. Others KAI, VIU e.t.c they come up everyday. Some factions wear purple, some lemon green and green, some yellow, red, pink, some have 24-bit colours! like the ones on Ligali Ayorinde Street who report to their Oga at the Local Government Secretariat and arrest you for slow driving or looking out of your window or illegal “trafficating” or stopping. As for inter-state routes, the Customs are all out looking for Cotonou-imported cars, impounding them and charging as high as 250,000 naira for fake customs papers. More on that later.

All these haven’t gone unnoticed as Gov. Fashola declares war on such indiscipline and threatens to sanction such corrupt people.

Acronyms (in zig-zag “order”)

RRS – Rapid Response Squad

ARS – Anti-Response Squad

MOT – Ministry of Transportation Certificate

MOPOL – Mobile Police

FRSC – Federal Road Safety Corporation (no mercy)

Police – NPF or Olopa (our best friends – seriously)

Traffic Warden - Yellow Fever (Red top or light green reflectors on Police Uniform, usually more peaceful and more useful unless flanked by the Police or LASTMA or both)

VIO – Vehicle Inspection Officer

VIU – Vehicle Inspection Unit (Yellow with diagonal black stripes)

KAI – Kick Against Indiscipline

LASTMA – Lagos State Traffic Management Authority

P of O - Proof of Ownership

Traffic – Means real go slow!

To be continued…

Joor oh! Mi o le fi ARS ta eyin o! (Please, I don’t joke with the Anti-Robbery Squad)

Joke of the day: WarriTV reports on the Niger Delta Crisis (wafi pidgin, youtube)

Bookmark It

Awolowo - Falomo Bridge

Lagos has been at a standstill all day and heavy traffic starting from Bonny camp has spread to Ojodu Berger and beyond. People spent an average of 4:30 hours from the mainland to the Island. If you have any plan to visit Victoria Island today, the best thing to do is to cancel it. I feel sorry for people who are stuck in that traffic with Manual gears and without A/C or with 10 litres of fuel. Believe me, you don’t want to be caught in that traffic by sunset when armed robbers and mobile phone agents are likely to take undue advantage of the unfortunate incidence.

Why the gridlock? A dead container trailer blocked the road to Bonny camp completely, such that even Okadas cannot squeeze into the tiny space leaving the whole of Lagos no other choice than to go through Falomo bridge, the second of three land ways to get into V.I. (The third option is the Ikorodu-Epe expressway). As a result, traffic from the third mainland bridge and Western Avenue all explore means to get to Falomo bridge either through Awolowo Road or Osbourne/Kingsway.

Zoom in on Awolowo Road

I don’t even want to think about the amount of man-hours or fuel burnt in traffic, I just know the State Government will come up with a law limiting trailers henceforth. For the sake of one man, Lagos suffered terribly on a Friday. Thank God it’s Friday!

Going home? Well, I’ll let you know how it is, that’s if people have not explored the unlawful one-way option, thereby blocking all incoming routes. As for me, I’m not leaving the Island until 9:45pm, or better still 11:00pm. Don’t wait for me though, cos I can as well crash somewhere on the Island… or in the car.

Enjoy your weekend.

Bookmark It

Governor Fashola

In Simon’s article, Understanding the Fashola Phenomenon, the relationship between Fashola and Tinubu clearly explains why Lagos is moving forward. He also compared the governor with other peers who have embarked on white elephant projects and like their predecessors have failed to make an impact. Please read on…

“Anytime someone pours encomium on Lagos State Governor Babatunde Fashola, I smile, mischievously. I’m usually amused because… Okay, I’ll come back to that shortly. A few days ago, I was, as usual, discussing Nigeria with a friend. He recently had a terrible experience with a government institution. “We can never get it right in this country,” he said in frustration. “Nigeria is doomed,” he proclaimed on top of his voice. I looked at him and said: “Fashola.” I could feel his anger melt down. Reluctantly, he replied: “You may have a point there.” What did I mean by “Fashola”? No, I was not saying Fashola was about to solve all our problems. But under two years, he has demonstrated a sense of urgency, commitment and focus. It is not just about the change he is bringing to Lagos, but also the promise he has shown. He is showing us clearly that we are not living in a hopeless society, that things can change and change for good. Fashola has renewed my hope that a new Nigeria is possible.
It is very easy to think Nigeria is doomed. I have agonised over this doom most of my adult life. It is very difficult to see hope. We hardly see the silver lining in a dark cloud; rather, we see a dark lining in a silver cloud, as someone said years ago. We are so frustrated and pessimistic that we don’t even see the opportunities and prospects that gawk at us. All we can see are problems and pains. You cannot blame the Nigerian. We appear to be helpless and hopeless. We are like a sheep without a shepherd. Therefore, whenever someone appreciates Fashola, I smile mischievously, as if saying: “Didn’t you say it is finished with Nigeria?” And believe it or not, there are a hundred Fasholas – educated, exposed, committed, focused and visionary – all over Nigeria who do not have the opportunity to shine because of our peculiar political structure.
The major difference, however, is that someone placed merit above political expediency and stuck out his neck for Fashola. I’m talking about Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu, the immediate past governor of Lagos State. Having ruled Lagos for eight turbulent years, during which he kept battling with the President Olusegun Obasanjo-led PDP troops who were hell-bent on capturing Lagos at any cost, Tinubu could easily have handed over to another politician. There were many of them around him, pressing him left, right and centre. He chose, instead, to throw his weight behind a certain Babatunde Raji Fashola who was unknown outside the Lagos corridors of power. Why did Tinubu settle for Fashola? Why did he choose to gamble on someone who had never been a councillor, much less a council chairman, in a society where we make jest of people like Pat Utomi because their political CV is not intimidating?
Tinubu opted for someone whose first exercise of executive power would be in the office of the governor of Lagos, the most chaotic and the most strategic state in Nigeria. Why? My guess is that Tinubu saw something in him which some of us did not see. My guess is that having laid out a beautiful plan for Lagos which he could not fully implement because of political expediency in the Obasanjo years, Tinubu was sincerely committed to getting a rightful successor who would carry out the assignment to a logical conclusion. He put merit above merriment, purpose above politics, reason above rhyme. I wish Obasanjo could honestly say the same regarding his own choice of successor.
Why is Fashola making progress? This should provide good PhD research topics for political scientists and maybe economists. Since I am a student of Governance and Development, I will look at the Lagos Model from my own bias. My write-up today should help us understand the Fashola Phenomenon and put things in proper perspective. We can then ask: what can the rest of Nigeria learn from this? The major obstacle to good governance in Nigeria, in my own opinion, is politics. You can replace that word with “politicking”. Many times, we have managed to produce good people in government but they end up as failures. Why? I suggest: the impediments caused by politicking. For you to succeed as a leader in Nigeria, you must get your politics and policy right. You may have good policies, but without the right politics you will fail. No matter how much we dislike politicians, we need them. You can never have politics without politicians. That is one. On the other hand, you may get all your politics right – pleasing some people, pummelling others, perfecting all the intrigues – but the society will never move forward if you do not have the right policies. You, therefore, cannot escape a happy marriage of politics and policy if you are to be an achiever.
Now here comes the Lagos Model. Fashola is the “technocrat” who handles governance, the finer details. Tinubu is the “godfather” who handles the politics, you know, the murky waters. They complement each other. Tinubu himself is a technocrat, to be sure, but the politician took the better part of him during his tenure as he had to fight off the PDP hawks. If Fashola begins to play politics today, governance will suffer. If he was interested in politicking, he could never have removed the traders from Oshodi. He could never have chased away those yellow buses from the highway. In Nigerian politics, the critical mass of voters will be found in markets and at motor parks. The real voters and foot soldiers are petty traders, bus drivers, conductors and touts. The conventional wisdom is that if you control the motor parks, you control the thugs; if you control the thugs, you control the polling booth; if you control the polling booth, you control the votes! That is why associations such as National Union of Road Transport Workers (NURTW) and Road Transport Employers Association of Nigeria (RTEAN) are very strategic to politicians and there is always a fierce battle to control them.
By taking these tough decisions, Fashola would have been committing political suicide. But, no, there is Tinubu to clean up the “mess” politically. This frees Fashola to retain his focus without much distraction. It is like in football: you have a defensive midfielder and an attacking midfielder – the former, like Tinubu, handles the defensive part of the job while the latter, like Fashola, is freed and creates goals for his team. Politics and policy, like we said, must be happily married if we are to enjoy good governance in this country. Fashola has never made any attempt to discredit his predecessor. I hear a lot of PDP people say: “It’s Tinubu’s programme that Fashola is implementing.” Pure rubbish. One of the biggest obstacles to our development is this mentality that you must discredit your predecessor and discontinue his programmes so that people would not say you don’t have your own ideas. Pure rubbish. Government is a continuum. If anything, policy reversals have done a lot of damage to the country, as we can see at the federal level.

Fashola and S.A.Ferguson

President Umaru Musa Yar’Adua came to office in May 2007, and – based on the advice of people who probably had selfish motives – he suspended the power projects, cancelled the Lagos-Kano rail contract and reversed the privatisation of refineries. Nearly two years after, Yar’Adua is going back to the same power and rail projects – and he now wants to privatise the refineries again. Precious time wasted for nothing! Does he know the billions of dollars and invaluable productivity we have lost as a result of this? Why must he reverse policies for the fun of it? All the talk about 6,000 megawatts today is based on the projects Obasanjo initiated in 2006! So why waste our time? This is very common all over Nigeria – new governors abandoning critical projects for selfish reasons. Fashola has proved to be wiser than most.
But can we replicate the Lagos Model all over Nigeria? For instance, would Dr. Chimaroke Nnamani have performed better as Enugu governor if he had faced governance and allowed Jim Nwobodo to handle the politics? That is the problem with modelling. What works in Sokoto may not work in Akwa Ibom and what works in Oyo may fail in Kogi. However, the fundamental truth cannot be altered – that “politics and policy” must be delicately balanced, happily married, if we are to make progress. Whether one person should handle the two or there should be “separation of powers” between the “politician” and the “technocrat” is what we can debate more extensively. However, the Lagos Model can work for Nigeria as witnessed under Obasanjo administration. Obasanjo, though a terrible politician who was obviously power drunk, managed to handle the politics while “technocrats” such as Prof. Chukwuma Soludo, Mrs Oby Ezekwesili, Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Mr. Bode Agusto, Dr. Mansur Muhtar and Mallam Nasir el-Rufai went about the business of governance. Obasanjo’s battle with his own contradictions might have discredited his government, but we certainly made some progress under his government.
Can we then toy with the idea of a “politician” President and a “technocratic” VP in 2011? Technocrats have their failings, just like politicians too, so we need a balance. Somehow, I think Nigeria’s redemption will benefit tremendously by learning from the Lagos Model. It’s a phenomenon we should give serious consideration to, as we battle to create a new Nigeria.”

Joke of the day: African Remix Video (Beyonce put a ring on it) All the single ladies spoof

and Don’t put that ring on it (Spoof Video)

Bookmark It

Mouth-to-mouth… Please pass this on…

Return of the Robbers

DEAR ALL,
We received the message below from a friend of the Bank and hastened to share with all staff and friends. Kindly read and make use of the relevant information contained herein:
As you are probably aware, the spate of criminality in Lagos in the last few days has reached an alarming stage in which all staff resident in these areas need to exercise extra caution in carrying out their daily and nightly choirs. This is rampant in VI, LEKKI, ILUPEJU, IKEJA, AIRPORT ROADS & IKOYI in recent days.

MODUS OPERANDI.

Armed robbers mostly in their youth of ages ranging from 17yrs to 24yrs have been noticed to be the culprits. In the most recent cases, five different techniques have been adopted.
1.        They ride in Okada and are mostly three in numbers or in convoy of two motorbikes carrying one or two persons on each motor bike. They usually target their victims and follow them closely while the person is heading home both during the day and at night, sometimes to office.
2.        On the road while driving, they follow their target closely knowing pretty well that he/she might stop to buy some things while the traffic is slow or change the lane. In that case they will block their victim and one of them will Flash a fake identity card claiming to be a security agent and once he gains entrance into your car he points his pistol at you and commands you to drive him straight to your house or remote hidden unknown hotel under gun point , then either rob or ask for ransom, (It could be worse if wife or female teenager are at home).
3.        They also pretend to be hawkers of recharge cards on the road. They carry used and unused recharge cards and an unsuspecting person who winds down car glasses to make a purchase especially at night falls victim to them and they will attack the person and dispossess him/her of his/her valuables and if the person is unlucky they might injure him/her.
4.        It has also been noticed that most of these Armed robbers who use these Motorbikes use illegal motor bike repair spots especially within Lekki and Osborne road area as a base to watch out for their unsuspecting victims.
5.        The most recent method adopted by these robbers is to throw old used tyres on approaching vehicles or use these tyres to narrow the road so that motorist will slow down. They sometimes cross in front of car while others stand at a clear distanced observing then attack.
6.        Young attractive girls, as early as 6 am or on Sunday or holidays afternoon turn up at your door bells and pretend to have message from your house help or seeking neighbours address and gain entry to your door, suddenly go naked and shout for help and before you know it, her accompanied armed boys are on you, even some times fake police.
PRECAUTIONARY MEASURES.
The following are tips to exercise caution in this kind of situations
1.        Be vigilant at all times while driving and ensure that your doors are firmly locked while you are inside.
2.        Buy your recharge cards while you are in the office or at home and avoid buying things in traffic, it has become very costly to do that.
3.        Before you branch off to your gate at night watch carefully through your side/inner mirrors and if possible contact your security personnel in your house or any of your family member …to let them know that you are on your way home.
4.        If you notice any unusual gathering of Motorbikes around your neighborhood probably as motorbike repair spots kindly report to the nearest Police station.
5.        While driving to work early in the morning, control your speed and always look ahead of you and if you’re being driven by a driver advice him accordingly and also watch out as well.
6.        In case you are being accosted by these evil men, don’t panic, don’t move your hands unless they asked you to do so, be calm and leave your engine running unless advised otherwise.
7.        Signal your family or security in a coded manner but unnoticed by the devil so they take precautionary measure.
8.        Do not exchange foreign currency in your office to the knowledge of any one or at your residence in presence of house help/ driver or security.
Do not announce your foreign travel or holiday to your house help or driver before two or 3hrs of journey time. Driver and cook have sent armed robbers to their masters. A case at hand is one executive of a Bank who travelled to the UK on 19th Sept. The house help cleared the house before his return.
9.        Pray, pray, pray.

Eko o ni baje o!

Kudos to whoever compiled this.

Bookmark It